What to do when she seems scared?

So I've been involved with this girl since February (Me 30/M, her 28/F), we talk every day, we see each other often (1-2 times a week) and I continually get mixed messages from her. A lot has happened in these 2 1/2 months and I'm really confused as to what this situation is and what to do about it. Bear with me here because there's a lot.

It started out with us having a casual date one day and what I expected would only be an hour or 2 long date ended up with us hanging out the whole afternoon in to the evening, we didn't kiss or hook up because it felt forced on my end, more so just making sure we're comfortable around each other.

the next few dates we did kiss, nothing more than make out, she would push me away and I would push her away at times too...just didn't seem like we were very into that moment of lets get hot and hook up...so I was cool with it, in a sense I like how we had been on 4 dates and didn't have sex so it didn't distort actual feelings for each other.

about 5 weeks in to seeing each other I kind of saw her pulling back a bit as things were getting "serious" between us, I came out and told her that I liked her and I sensed she was scared thinking I wanted to get crazy serious but that wasn't the case, I liked her and I wanted to keep seeing her but I think there were many things we need to work on together in order to make it a serious relationship. She sort of agreed with what I was saying, her line was more like "let's be friends and see where it goes" ...which after this talk I was getting the impression I'm firmly planted in the friendzone, me and her haven't kissed in over a month.

That talk was in early april (4 weeks from today) and during that time this has all happened and I'm getting mixed messages:

-We spent an entire weekend together doing things that you would expect to do with a S/O...going to a craft distillery for drinks and food.

-She talks to me every day, all hours of the day, she brings up topics and mentions things that show interest in me and how she's being thoughtful of me. Even during this time the more vague I was in my responses with her, the more her interests increased in the conversations we were having. It was like she was sensing that I was pulling away

-We spent another entire day together where I showed her how to drive stick shift, went to top golf, hung out and drank at my place watching a movie (which again didn't lead to us hooking up)

-There was a day where I was up near where she worked, she knew I was but was upset I didn't come visit her at work.

-She spent an entire day with me watching me compete in a weightlifting competition and doing other things....this was a time I felt like we could have hooked up but we didn't. For myself where I've been pushed away multiple times I feel like it's against my own morality to make a move, if the moment is THAT right, she'll make the move.

-She took a part time job on top of her full time job within my social circle, where people know she is associated with me....which was to my suggestion, I just didn't think she'd actually do it.

-Last night she came with me to concert to see 2 bands she isn't particularly fond of, but wanted to spend time with me.

-Asked me about booking a hotel at the end of june for another weightlifting competition I'm doing.

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So all of these things I've mentioned have happened between me and her, we do have a great time when we're together, I can tell she is into me but is extremely nervous/scared because of her past dating experiences. She's shared with me some of her dating past, much of it involves heavy and unfortunate events to happen to someone. I can empathize with it and understand why she's been reluctant to move forward, but again I can see it in her actions and words that she wants something more, but is haunted by something.

Is there a way I can bring this up in a tactful manner where I don't sound like I'm giving her an ultimatum? I really don't want to say "you need to figure out what it is you want, or I'm gone" or anything else where it sounds like i’m demanding things from her.

Submitted May 14, 2019 at 10:28PM

So I've been involved with this girl since February (Me 30/M, her 28/F), we talk every day, we see each other often (1-2 times a week) and I continually get mixed messages from her. A lot has happened in these 2 1/2 months and I'm really confused as to what this situation is and what to do about it. Bear with me here because there's a lot.It started out with us having a casual date one day and what I expected would only be an hour or 2 long date ended up with us hanging out the whole afternoon in to the evening, we didn't kiss or hook up because it felt forced on my end, more so just making sure we're comfortable around each other.the next few dates we did kiss, nothing more than make out, she would push me away and I would push her away at times too...just didn't seem like we were very into that moment of lets get hot and hook up...so I was cool with it, in a sense I like how we had been on 4 dates and didn't have sex so it didn't distort actual feelings for each other.about 5 weeks in to seeing each other I kind of saw her pulling back a bit as things were getting "serious" between us, I came out and told her that I liked her and I sensed she was scared thinking I wanted to get crazy serious but that wasn't the case, I liked her and I wanted to keep seeing her but I think there were many things we need to work on together in order to make it a serious relationship. She sort of agreed with what I was saying, her line was more like "let's be friends and see where it goes" ...which after this talk I was getting the impression I'm firmly planted in the friendzone, me and her haven't kissed in over a month.That talk was in early april (4 weeks from today) and during that time this has all happened and I'm getting mixed messages:-We spent an entire weekend together doing things that you would expect to do with a S/O...going to a craft distillery for drinks and food.-She talks to me every day, all hours of the day, she brings up topics and mentions things that show interest in me and how she's being thoughtful of me. Even during this time the more vague I was in my responses with her, the more her interests increased in the conversations we were having. It was like she was sensing that I was pulling away-We spent another entire day together where I showed her how to drive stick shift, went to top golf, hung out and drank at my place watching a movie (which again didn't lead to us hooking up)-There was a day where I was up near where she worked, she knew I was but was upset I didn't come visit her at work.-She spent an entire day with me watching me compete in a weightlifting competition and doing other things....this was a time I felt like we could have hooked up but we didn't. For myself where I've been pushed away multiple times I feel like it's against my own morality to make a move, if the moment is THAT right, she'll make the move.-She took a part time job on top of her full time job within my social circle, where people know she is associated with me....which was to my suggestion, I just didn't think she'd actually do it.-Last night she came with me to concert to see 2 bands she isn't particularly fond of, but wanted to spend time with me.-Asked me about booking a hotel at the end of june for another weightlifting competition I'm doing.----------------------So all of these things I've mentioned have happened between me and her, we do have a great time when we're together, I can tell she is into me but is extremely nervous/scared because of her past dating experiences. She's shared with me some of her dating past, much of it involves heavy and unfortunate events to happen to someone. I can empathize with it and understand why she's been reluctant to move forward, but again I can see it in her actions and words that she wants something more, but is haunted by something.Is there a way I can bring this up in a tactful manner where I don't sound like I'm giving her an ultimatum? I really don't want to say "you need to figure out what it is you want, or I'm gone" or anything else where it sounds like i’m demanding things from her.