hot & cold.

Sometimes I feel like it’s coursing through my veins or grinding between my teeth. I feel like it’s taken a physical presence inside of my body and I want to absorb it just as much as I want to expel it.

At times, the way he looks at me takes form in my heart. It’s warmth, it’s fire, and it’s burning parts of me I don’t know that I’ll ever regrow.

And other times, it’s the way he doesn’t look at me, and it’s like ice encompasses me whole. I feel a glacier form in my stomach, it sits heavy and never passes. It takes me weeks to chip it away.

Where my father ruined love for me, my mother formed more - she taught me a new language, one that he could never learn or alter in any way. And when I met you, I thought I could do as she had done and teach you the same language. Some days you know. Some days you don’t. I will always wonder how to know if I deserve this combination of hot and cold.

Submitted May 14, 2019 at 07:15PM

Sometimes I feel like it’s coursing through my veins or grinding between my teeth. I feel like it’s taken a physical presence inside of my body and I want to absorb it just as much as I want to expel it.At times, the way he looks at me takes form in my heart. It’s warmth, it’s fire, and it’s burning parts of me I don’t know that I’ll ever regrow.And other times, it’s the way he doesn’t look at me, and it’s like ice encompasses me whole. I feel a glacier form in my stomach, it sits heavy and never passes. It takes me weeks to chip it away.Where my father ruined love for me, my mother formed more - she taught me a new language, one that he could never learn or alter in any way. And when I met you, I thought I could do as she had done and teach you the same language. Some days you know. Some days you don’t. I will always wonder how to know if I deserve this combination of hot and cold.