A letter to the love of my life: My ex.

Hey,

 How are you doing my love? I dont know whether this is just another sleepless night's effect, or if its a hormonal unbalance, or if it's really what i'm feeling. But i miss you. I miss laughing with you. I miss sleeping next to you. I miss cuddling with you. I miss your stupid jokes. I miss getting to know your beautiful mind. I miss the good days when everything fell right into place and it all made sense. I miss the connection we had. I miss the nights we'd spend singing Bohemian Rhapsody. I miss the good times, you know? We've broken up almost a year ago. Time flew by so fast because it seems to me like it was only yesterday. You might not even be the same person i fell in love with. And you might still be that exact person. Either ways it doesnt change anything. I still dont want to be in a relationship. And i definitely dont wanna go back to that hell where we drove each other insane. That relationship made me really sick. It was really toxic. We mistreated each other. Hurt each other over and over again. I never want to feel that way again. I still remember some of the things that you did or said. They still hurt. There are times when i can say for sure that i have gotten over you, but sometimes i think abt you. You're often on my mind. I wonder how you're doing, reminisce over what we shared and what we've been through. It makes me not want to be your girlfriend because even though you are still really special to me, i just can't put myself through that pain again. I learned to love myself, and i think i'm still in love with you. I don't know what to do with that. I think I've learned to live with it, you know? But It's stopping me from finding someone else who won't waste my time. I've tried to be with other guys. I have been with other guys. I gave them, and myself, a chance but my feelings never evolved. A simple crush at most. The moment things start to feel serious, i shut down and call the whole thing off. I really cant trust or love again. And i'm still really scared to go through another heartbreak. I think it's because i still love you, somewhere deep down. Why tho? You were horrible to me. You're kindhearted, sweet, incredibly smart and talented, but you're also young, stubborn, prideful and very selfish And you treated me like I'm trash. I don't blame you though. If you hadn't put me through that, i would've never found my true strength. I told you the last time we met that of all the things i am grateful for, the one thing i am most grateful for is you breaking up with me. It set me free and opened my eyes to a wonderfully joyfull world that was right in front my eyes, all this time, i just couldn't see it. Not until I hit rock bottom. I dont want to feel like how you've made me feel when we were together because it nearly destroyed me. I deserve much better than that. And I've been doing so well without all that drama. But i don't know what to do. There are times where i just wanna tell u that I'm still in love with you, but then i remember all the arguments and the times i felt my heart shatter into a million pieces and i ask myself, Do you really want to put yourself through literal pain again? Maybe in another life, we could make it work. We could have more good days than bad ones. Because i really believe we would've been great together if we wanted the same things. But until then, know that i will always care for you, and love you. Come what may. -With love, Your ex. 

Submitted May 14, 2019 at 09:21AM

Hey, How are you doing my love? I dont know whether this is just another sleepless night's effect, or if its a hormonal unbalance, or if it's really what i'm feeling. But i miss you. I miss laughing with you. I miss sleeping next to you. I miss cuddling with you. I miss your stupid jokes. I miss getting to know your beautiful mind. I miss the good days when everything fell right into place and it all made sense. I miss the connection we had. I miss the nights we'd spend singing Bohemian Rhapsody. I miss the good times, you know? We've broken up almost a year ago. Time flew by so fast because it seems to me like it was only yesterday. You might not even be the same person i fell in love with. And you might still be that exact person. Either ways it doesnt change anything. I still dont want to be in a relationship. And i definitely dont wanna go back to that hell where we drove each other insane. That relationship made me really sick. It was really toxic. We mistreated each other. Hurt each other over and over again. I never want to feel that way again. I still remember some of the things that you did or said. They still hurt. There are times when i can say for sure that i have gotten over you, but sometimes i think abt you. You're often on my mind. I wonder how you're doing, reminisce over what we shared and what we've been through. It makes me not want to be your girlfriend because even though you are still really special to me, i just can't put myself through that pain again. I learned to love myself, and i think i'm still in love with you. I don't know what to do with that. I think I've learned to live with it, you know? But It's stopping me from finding someone else who won't waste my time. I've tried to be with other guys. I have been with other guys. I gave them, and myself, a chance but my feelings never evolved. A simple crush at most. The moment things start to feel serious, i shut down and call the whole thing off. I really cant trust or love again. And i'm still really scared to go through another heartbreak. I think it's because i still love you, somewhere deep down. Why tho? You were horrible to me. You're kindhearted, sweet, incredibly smart and talented, but you're also young, stubborn, prideful and very selfish And you treated me like I'm trash. I don't blame you though. If you hadn't put me through that, i would've never found my true strength. I told you the last time we met that of all the things i am grateful for, the one thing i am most grateful for is you breaking up with me. It set me free and opened my eyes to a wonderfully joyfull world that was right in front my eyes, all this time, i just couldn't see it. Not until I hit rock bottom. I dont want to feel like how you've made me feel when we were together because it nearly destroyed me. I deserve much better than that. And I've been doing so well without all that drama. But i don't know what to do. There are times where i just wanna tell u that I'm still in love with you, but then i remember all the arguments and the times i felt my heart shatter into a million pieces and i ask myself, Do you really want to put yourself through literal pain again? Maybe in another life, we could make it work. We could have more good days than bad ones. Because i really believe we would've been great together if we wanted the same things. But until then, know that i will always care for you, and love you. Come what may. -With love, Your ex.