I don't want to fall in love again

For the first time in my life, I fell in love with a girl, she's amazing, very nice, very caring, very pretty, very intelligent (she just won the state competition for architectural design), and just a good person in general. I fell in love with this girl and I actually got pretty close to her from an emotional standpoint and things finally started looking up for me. I've dealt with anger issues and depression since I was a child and my self esteem is pathetically low. But this girl changed me, I finally found someone who can bring out the best in me, I was a happier person because of her. I finally got the courage to ask her to prom and she said yes, but under the condition that it would be just as friends. I, however, REALLY wanted to ask her out and I planned on doing it at prom, I even asked her sister for permission to do it and then this is where the bombshell gets dropped: She's a lesbian. It didn't really bother me at first, I accepted it and supported her, but then it slowly started creeping into my conscious. I started getting really depressed and stopped talking to her, I spent my summer just sleeping, eating, and working. The only time I went outside was when I was working or driving myself to bowling. We aren't even friends anymore and it's mostly my fault because I was the one who stopped talking. She knows about me wanting to kill myself because a mutual friend told her, but she hasn't reached out to me. I can't fall in love again, I don't wanna fall in love again, why would I want to if it's gonna end in more heartbreak?

Submitted May 15, 2019 at 01:03AM

For the first time in my life, I fell in love with a girl, she's amazing, very nice, very caring, very pretty, very intelligent (she just won the state competition for architectural design), and just a good person in general. I fell in love with this girl and I actually got pretty close to her from an emotional standpoint and things finally started looking up for me. I've dealt with anger issues and depression since I was a child and my self esteem is pathetically low. But this girl changed me, I finally found someone who can bring out the best in me, I was a happier person because of her. I finally got the courage to ask her to prom and she said yes, but under the condition that it would be just as friends. I, however, REALLY wanted to ask her out and I planned on doing it at prom, I even asked her sister for permission to do it and then this is where the bombshell gets dropped: She's a lesbian. It didn't really bother me at first, I accepted it and supported her, but then it slowly started creeping into my conscious. I started getting really depressed and stopped talking to her, I spent my summer just sleeping, eating, and working. The only time I went outside was when I was working or driving myself to bowling. We aren't even friends anymore and it's mostly my fault because I was the one who stopped talking. She knows about me wanting to kill myself because a mutual friend told her, but she hasn't reached out to me. I can't fall in love again, I don't wanna fall in love again, why would I want to if it's gonna end in more heartbreak?