/u/JSLardizabal on I wish I could swap bodies with a sexual person, just to know if for sure if I am asexual and what’s it feels like to want sex.

Are you always thinking of sex? If there's ever a minute where sex doesn't cross your mind, then you're probably ace. :)

We cannot turn it off. It subsides depending on our circumstances and time of day, but it's always there. I can't look at a woman, any woman, without instinctively judging her suitability or lack thereof as a sexual partner.

We spend our teen years learning to hide this from others. I've heard stories of aces being surprised that every person around them was horny as fuck but just hiding it because they never had the sexual attraction thing going for them, while everyone assumed that they were hiding it, too.

I describe myself as mild heterosexual/strong heteroromantic. I can't ever see myself having sex with someone I don't love, but I can see myself loving someone without the sex.

I would still prefer to have both, though. :D

Anyway, the greatest struggle you people face is that 99% of humans are the complete opposite when it comes to courtship. We begin with sexual attraction which forces us together to form romantic bonds. You don't have the advantage of sexual attraction to speed up the process so you have to get to know a person for a longer period of time before you can form a romantic bond with them.

From my allo perspective, ace relationships are like video game romance quests: it builds up over time and there's a chance that it will succeed or fail with no way to know ahead of time.

Your best bet is to find another ace or an allo who does not see the lack/absence of sex to be a dealbreaker.

April 10, 2019 at 04:36AM