It’s late and I’m feeling mushy about my boyfriend and excited about our upcoming two year anniversary (the 25th!) so I wrote something to pour my heart out.

(Unrelated sorta but I don’t know whether to tag this as to my love or gushing because it’s both but 🤷🏼‍♀️)

!Looong post¡ tldr: still astonished that I’m actually with someone I hid my crush on for years. ———————————————————————

When I met you in 2015 it was by complete chance, all I did was walk out my front door for some air and rare socializing (my nickname was hermit, after all) and there you stood, wearing your red shoes (or shirt? I can never remember) and there I was wearing my favorite red hoodie.. and there was a family friend who immediately cracked a joke about how we’re meant to be because we have matching clothes.

I swear I could have died then and there from embarrassment, I mean cmon, I just met you and that’s the first thing she could say? I didn’t even know your name yet! Ugh. We introduced ourselves, albeit awkwardly, and I complimented your color choice of the day. I was smitten. You were so cute, among the crowd of people you stood out, and best of all you didn’t seem disgusted at the comment about us. We didn’t interact much that night, but it was all I thought about for two days- I wondered when I could see you again, worried that I embarrassed myself somehow, and wanted so badly to know more about you. As things go, though, I barely saw you for the following year- only a passing hello as you entered my yard to hang out with my brother, or glimpses of you through a window, or you skateboarding down the street.

Early 2017, after seeing that you starting spending more and more time at my house, I started pushing myself to spend more time with my brother- it was the only way to spend time around you, and it worked. I told myself that it was just to make a new friend, that my crush on you was short lived, but god, I loved just being around you. You were such a goofball and you made me laugh so much more than anyone else could. I slowly hung around you (and subsequently all of my brothers other friends) more and more, until it was a daily thing and I looked forward to it so much. It didn’t take long for me to fall for you but I kept denying it.

I was in a relationship at the time (well, most of the time..) and insisted that you were just a friend, and you thought of me just the same, but I couldn’t help but notice little things; long glances, catching you staring, and the way you acted so different towards me. I denied it all, pushed it to the back of my mind and wrote it off as nothing, but it lingered there and I couldn’t help but think about it, though it made me feel guilty because I was falling for you while with someone else. I can still remember the moment I realized that I fell for you, and the days I spent realizing that I fell out of love with my ex, though I had stopped loving him for a while before I finally knew I had, I still felt bad because of the timing (but not after he chose to admit to cheating on me and not telling me until I was actively breaking up with him 🙃).

Despite all of the signs that you felt the same, I was still worried that I fell for someone that didn’t feel the same for me. You proved me wrong though, the day you told my brother (and me.. because I was standing right behind you) that you had feelings for me. I still find it cute that you respected my brother enough as a friend and as my older sibling to let him know how you felt about his baby sister in hopes of not potentially causing problems between you two. I remember the whole moment still- you had been texting my now sister-in-law (the friend that made the comment about us, at that) but she wouldn’t tell me why- now I know. We were close enough at that point that we’d hug each other good night, and as you stood to leave and I stood to hug you, you turned to my brother and told him that, respectively, you have feelings for me and you hope it doesn’t cause problems. His response? “Obviously, i wondered how long it’d take for you to admit it.” He was happy, SIL was ecstatic, and I stood there in shock, barely able to mutter a weak “oh.. okay.. goodnight” as you hugged me and left, which in retrospect probably terrified you that I didn’t feel the same.

The next day as we walked to the store to get a polar pop, you asked me how I’d respond if you asked me out and all I managed to respond with was “I’d say yes, duh” so you did- and I almost fainted before I could respond. As soon as we got home I went inside and picked up my nephew and danced around the living room gushing to him, and he babbled excitedly, even though he obviously didn’t understand. I was in utter bliss, cloud nine, I felt like I could fly. It was incredible; I spent so long denying how I felt, denying how you felt, yet here I am, we both feel the same and you asked me out.

We went on our first date (my first date ever!) two days later, you drove me to the beach and we laid on the sand on a blanket you brought and talked for what felt like forever. We stopped to watch the sky and you leaned over and kissed me and I thought my heart was going to burst when your lips touched mine. We spent the drive there listening to the radio, and we spent the drive back holding hands. We found “our” song that day- something just like this by the chainsmokers. It came on probably 50 times and yet each time you let me listen to it in full because I love it. We got pizza on the way home and you happily watched as I ate the whole thing on my own (great first impression, huh?) You were the second boy I’ve ever kissed, the first boy that ever held my hand, and the first to take me on a date. You kissed me goodnight and I saw stars. If this was a cartoon, my heart would have been beating out of my chest. That day was perfect and I still dream about it.

When my dad caught wind that I had a boyfriend I was scared to death, I was still his baby and I knew he wouldn’t like it, yet you stood in my driveway calm and collected as he pulled in, and spent 45 minutes talking about his brand new truck. Oh, dad; always talking about your truck. He shook your hand, hugged me, and nodded approval our way as he left.

Each and every family member that met you for the first time approved of you- they could tell you’re a good guy, though they still gave the typical “if you hurt her..” threats. I still wear the necklace you gave me for our one month, and your rosary beads that you let me “borrow” to calm me down while my mom was hospitalized.

I continued and still continue to fall head over heels for you. I met you by chance, but now I’m convinced it was fate; you are the other end of my red string. Seeing as your zodiac is a fish and mine is a crab, we say that we met under the sea, and I am so damn glad that I did. You’ve taught me so much and transformed me in so many ways; I’m more social, more confident, more comfortable being who I am, because of you. Meeting you was a blessing, it just took a while for us to realize that. Two years will turn into many more, and I can’t wait to grow and live the rest of my life with you next to me.

Submitted April 09, 2019 at 09:00AM

(Unrelated sorta but I don’t know whether to tag this as to my love or gushing because it’s both but 🤷🏼‍♀️)!Looong post¡ tldr: still astonished that I’m actually with someone I hid my crush on for years. ———————————————————————When I met you in 2015 it was by complete chance, all I did was walk out my front door for some air and rare socializing (my nickname was hermit, after all) and there you stood, wearing your red shoes (or shirt? I can never remember) and there I was wearing my favorite red hoodie.. and there was a family friend who immediately cracked a joke about how we’re meant to be because we have matching clothes.I swear I could have died then and there from embarrassment, I mean cmon, I just met you and that’s the first thing she could say? I didn’t even know your name yet! Ugh. We introduced ourselves, albeit awkwardly, and I complimented your color choice of the day. I was smitten. You were so cute, among the crowd of people you stood out, and best of all you didn’t seem disgusted at the comment about us. We didn’t interact much that night, but it was all I thought about for two days- I wondered when I could see you again, worried that I embarrassed myself somehow, and wanted so badly to know more about you. As things go, though, I barely saw you for the following year- only a passing hello as you entered my yard to hang out with my brother, or glimpses of you through a window, or you skateboarding down the street.Early 2017, after seeing that you starting spending more and more time at my house, I started pushing myself to spend more time with my brother- it was the only way to spend time around you, and it worked. I told myself that it was just to make a new friend, that my crush on you was short lived, but god, I loved just being around you. You were such a goofball and you made me laugh so much more than anyone else could. I slowly hung around you (and subsequently all of my brothers other friends) more and more, until it was a daily thing and I looked forward to it so much. It didn’t take long for me to fall for you but I kept denying it.I was in a relationship at the time (well, most of the time..) and insisted that you were just a friend, and you thought of me just the same, but I couldn’t help but notice little things; long glances, catching you staring, and the way you acted so different towards me. I denied it all, pushed it to the back of my mind and wrote it off as nothing, but it lingered there and I couldn’t help but think about it, though it made me feel guilty because I was falling for you while with someone else. I can still remember the moment I realized that I fell for you, and the days I spent realizing that I fell out of love with my ex, though I had stopped loving him for a while before I finally knew I had, I still felt bad because of the timing (but not after he chose to admit to cheating on me and not telling me until I was actively breaking up with him 🙃).Despite all of the signs that you felt the same, I was still worried that I fell for someone that didn’t feel the same for me. You proved me wrong though, the day you told my brother (and me.. because I was standing right behind you) that you had feelings for me. I still find it cute that you respected my brother enough as a friend and as my older sibling to let him know how you felt about his baby sister in hopes of not potentially causing problems between you two. I remember the whole moment still- you had been texting my now sister-in-law (the friend that made the comment about us, at that) but she wouldn’t tell me why- now I know. We were close enough at that point that we’d hug each other good night, and as you stood to leave and I stood to hug you, you turned to my brother and told him that, respectively, you have feelings for me and you hope it doesn’t cause problems. His response? “Obviously, i wondered how long it’d take for you to admit it.” He was happy, SIL was ecstatic, and I stood there in shock, barely able to mutter a weak “oh.. okay.. goodnight” as you hugged me and left, which in retrospect probably terrified you that I didn’t feel the same.The next day as we walked to the store to get a polar pop, you asked me how I’d respond if you asked me out and all I managed to respond with was “I’d say yes, duh” so you did- and I almost fainted before I could respond. As soon as we got home I went inside and picked up my nephew and danced around the living room gushing to him, and he babbled excitedly, even though he obviously didn’t understand. I was in utter bliss, cloud nine, I felt like I could fly. It was incredible; I spent so long denying how I felt, denying how you felt, yet here I am, we both feel the same and you asked me out.We went on our first date (my first date ever!) two days later, you drove me to the beach and we laid on the sand on a blanket you brought and talked for what felt like forever. We stopped to watch the sky and you leaned over and kissed me and I thought my heart was going to burst when your lips touched mine. We spent the drive there listening to the radio, and we spent the drive back holding hands. We found “our” song that day- something just like this by the chainsmokers. It came on probably 50 times and yet each time you let me listen to it in full because I love it. We got pizza on the way home and you happily watched as I ate the whole thing on my own (great first impression, huh?) You were the second boy I’ve ever kissed, the first boy that ever held my hand, and the first to take me on a date. You kissed me goodnight and I saw stars. If this was a cartoon, my heart would have been beating out of my chest. That day was perfect and I still dream about it.When my dad caught wind that I had a boyfriend I was scared to death, I was still his baby and I knew he wouldn’t like it, yet you stood in my driveway calm and collected as he pulled in, and spent 45 minutes talking about his brand new truck. Oh, dad; always talking about your truck. He shook your hand, hugged me, and nodded approval our way as he left.Each and every family member that met you for the first time approved of you- they could tell you’re a good guy, though they still gave the typical “if you hurt her..” threats. I still wear the necklace you gave me for our one month, and your rosary beads that you let me “borrow” to calm me down while my mom was hospitalized.I continued and still continue to fall head over heels for you. I met you by chance, but now I’m convinced it was fate; you are the other end of my red string. Seeing as your zodiac is a fish and mine is a crab, we say that we met under the sea, and I am so damn glad that I did. You’ve taught me so much and transformed me in so many ways; I’m more social, more confident, more comfortable being who I am, because of you. Meeting you was a blessing, it just took a while for us to realize that. Two years will turn into many more, and I can’t wait to grow and live the rest of my life with you next to me.