Oh well, maybe in another life?

I'm a freshman, he's a senior. He sees me as a little sister I think, as just a close friend who was there for him when his first girlfriend of two years broke up with him (and pretty much every night afterwards). We talked a lot. We even hung out at a cafe for two hours just talking, and when I told my friends they said it was boring, it doesn't sound like something I would do... But I feel so comfortable with him, it didn't feel as boring as it sounds.

Last night I went to sleep thinking about what it would be like if we were laying on a bench and he was just holding me. No intention of sex, just two tired and comfortable people. I woke up with an empty feeling realising he'd never feel the same.

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I haven't been speaking to him a lot lately, mainly because we don't have a lot to talk about, but also because (as selfish as it sounds,) I don't feel special to him. He talks to my friend the same way he does to me, which is why I won't ever tell him I wish we lived in a world where I was his age or a year younger, a bit taller and prettier. Maybe then he would see me in a different way, maybe he would care that we don't talk anymore.

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A part of me hurts at the thought of being just friends with him, but at the same time... "If I can't love you as a lover, I will love you as friend"

Submitted April 08, 2019 at 07:55AM

I'm a freshman, he's a senior. He sees me as a little sister I think, as just a close friend who was there for him when his first girlfriend of two years broke up with him (and pretty much every night afterwards). We talked a lot. We even hung out at a cafe for two hours just talking, and when I told my friends they said it was boring, it doesn't sound like something I would do... But I feel so comfortable with him, it didn't feel as boring as it sounds.Last night I went to sleep thinking about what it would be like if we were laying on a bench and he was just holding me. No intention of sex, just two tired and comfortable people. I woke up with an empty feeling realising he'd never feel the same.​I haven't been speaking to him a lot lately, mainly because we don't have a lot to talk about, but also because (as selfish as it sounds,) I don't feel special to him. He talks to my friend the same way he does to me, which is why I won't ever tell him I wish we lived in a world where I was his age or a year younger, a bit taller and prettier. Maybe then he would see me in a different way, maybe he would care that we don't talk anymore.​A part of me hurts at the thought of being just friends with him, but at the same time... "If I can't love you as a lover, I will love you as friend"