Lonely

It sucks being alone...

I don’t want to go through this journey of life by myself but it’s hard to think that there is someone out there who could want someone as plain and inferior as myself. I’ve been in love before and those memories are the only reconnection to love that I’ve had for such a long time. So this is where it gets annoying because I have a girl I’ve known for about 5+ years who claims she’s in love with me but whenever I try to work things out with her she always reminds me why I can’t be with her. We have history and that history consists of her lying and sneaking around, but when you catch her in a lie she won’t admit it or take responsibility unless she knows 100% you know. THEN she’ll act like she’s stupid and didn’t know what she was doing or what happened and it’s crazy because she’s smart enough to know exactly what’s she’s saying and doing but always wants to tel me she doesn’t think when she says things. I can say I don’t want to hang out and she will still pester me all day about hanging out while always ignoring everything I say or feel. She literally neglects all my feelings and chases me around and it’s honestly gotten so toxic at this point because she refuses to mature as a person and wants to just deal with it.

She will literally lie and then get caught in it and then play the victim and get mad at me until I tell her that it was the opposite because she will literally forget what happened and not bring anything back up that she’s done because it never affects her but she still consistently hits me up asking for another chance. I’ve given her more than 7 and I’m not perfect at all but recently in the relationship I just try to talk to her to see if there’s any hope but as soon as I start to feel something she will lie or do something again and this is everytime so it’s like do I take the signs or what

Now this wouldn’t be an issue if I wasn’t so lonely and craved love soooo much I hate doing this alone I hate playing this game in one player I hate feeling like the only person who has my back I want someone real who I know won’t lie to me and will appreciate me I want to go back to her all the time just because I feel like no one else will love me but is that right when I know she will just be toxic and use me again... I’m starting to feel like I’d rather be alone than be toyed with but I have all this love to give. I have these goals and aspirations but no one will even give me the time of day until I’m truly prospering so it’s like how do I even find the one

I just need a friend honestly, someone who can relate or someone to ease this pain I don’t need sexual love or romantic love if it’ll only bring me pain

I want some REAL platonic relationships where something can actually be born and it’s not all about sex and our bodies I don’t want to sound like I pity myself because I usually stay strong and hold everything in but the fact is that I think so much and have so much on my mind

Even if I did get with her I wouldn’t be able to trust her because of all the lies she has told me and I don’t want to stress so hard about someone who doesn’t really care about me

So after this really dragged out and sloppily written rant I honestly just want a friend

I don’t need romance but I need someone out there man, I just need a little light on this dark path...

Submitted April 08, 2019 at 12:52PM

It sucks being alone...I don’t want to go through this journey of life by myself but it’s hard to think that there is someone out there who could want someone as plain and inferior as myself. I’ve been in love before and those memories are the only reconnection to love that I’ve had for such a long time. So this is where it gets annoying because I have a girl I’ve known for about 5+ years who claims she’s in love with me but whenever I try to work things out with her she always reminds me why I can’t be with her. We have history and that history consists of her lying and sneaking around, but when you catch her in a lie she won’t admit it or take responsibility unless she knows 100% you know. THEN she’ll act like she’s stupid and didn’t know what she was doing or what happened and it’s crazy because she’s smart enough to know exactly what’s she’s saying and doing but always wants to tel me she doesn’t think when she says things. I can say I don’t want to hang out and she will still pester me all day about hanging out while always ignoring everything I say or feel. She literally neglects all my feelings and chases me around and it’s honestly gotten so toxic at this point because she refuses to mature as a person and wants to just deal with it.She will literally lie and then get caught in it and then play the victim and get mad at me until I tell her that it was the opposite because she will literally forget what happened and not bring anything back up that she’s done because it never affects her but she still consistently hits me up asking for another chance. I’ve given her more than 7 and I’m not perfect at all but recently in the relationship I just try to talk to her to see if there’s any hope but as soon as I start to feel something she will lie or do something again and this is everytime so it’s like do I take the signs or whatNow this wouldn’t be an issue if I wasn’t so lonely and craved love soooo much I hate doing this alone I hate playing this game in one player I hate feeling like the only person who has my back I want someone real who I know won’t lie to me and will appreciate me I want to go back to her all the time just because I feel like no one else will love me but is that right when I know she will just be toxic and use me again... I’m starting to feel like I’d rather be alone than be toyed with but I have all this love to give. I have these goals and aspirations but no one will even give me the time of day until I’m truly prospering so it’s like how do I even find the oneI just need a friend honestly, someone who can relate or someone to ease this pain I don’t need sexual love or romantic love if it’ll only bring me painI want some REAL platonic relationships where something can actually be born and it’s not all about sex and our bodies I don’t want to sound like I pity myself because I usually stay strong and hold everything in but the fact is that I think so much and have so much on my mindEven if I did get with her I wouldn’t be able to trust her because of all the lies she has told me and I don’t want to stress so hard about someone who doesn’t really care about meSo after this really dragged out and sloppily written rant I honestly just want a friendI don’t need romance but I need someone out there man, I just need a little light on this dark path...