empty

i’ll be laughing with my friends, watching a movie, eating my favorite food, or even just trying to study, and then you pop into my mind.

there was never really a way to get me to stop blushing at the sound of your name, or to get you off my mind no matter how hard I would try.

i wish there was a way to go back, a way to wake up and still be able to hold you in my arms, a way to be able to call you and just be able to hear you laugh. but there isn’t, and i sit here as silent as I possibly can be because i understand it’s not in our hands anymore.

but i can’t help but miss the warmth of your cold hands and the smile that reaches your eyes when you’d look at me. i can’t help but have my heart broken over and over again every time i catch a glimpse of you in the distance. i can’t help staying up later than I should and have my hand linger over your name on my phone. i can’t help but regret making you feel the way I did. i can’t help but feel like this is all my fault.

i feel so distant from myself. i feel humiliated. i feel all we did didn’t matter in the end. i feel empty. but i won’t ever tell you this, because i want you to be happy. i want you to really be able to love someone and they treat you well and make you feel loved. i will always mean it when i say you deserve every star in the sky.

my heart is elsewhere, it’s with you. and i hope that in some other lifetime this could have fulfilled all the hopes we had and i wouldn’t be resorting to reddit and rather be able to hold you instead. i doubt you’ll ever see this, and i kinda hope you don’t, but i hope in your heart you know that it’s always been and it always will be you-you will always be the best thing to ever happen to me.

Submitted April 09, 2019 at 01:43PM

i’ll be laughing with my friends, watching a movie, eating my favorite food, or even just trying to study, and then you pop into my mind.there was never really a way to get me to stop blushing at the sound of your name, or to get you off my mind no matter how hard I would try.i wish there was a way to go back, a way to wake up and still be able to hold you in my arms, a way to be able to call you and just be able to hear you laugh. but there isn’t, and i sit here as silent as I possibly can be because i understand it’s not in our hands anymore.but i can’t help but miss the warmth of your cold hands and the smile that reaches your eyes when you’d look at me. i can’t help but have my heart broken over and over again every time i catch a glimpse of you in the distance. i can’t help staying up later than I should and have my hand linger over your name on my phone. i can’t help but regret making you feel the way I did. i can’t help but feel like this is all my fault.i feel so distant from myself. i feel humiliated. i feel all we did didn’t matter in the end. i feel empty. but i won’t ever tell you this, because i want you to be happy. i want you to really be able to love someone and they treat you well and make you feel loved. i will always mean it when i say you deserve every star in the sky.my heart is elsewhere, it’s with you. and i hope that in some other lifetime this could have fulfilled all the hopes we had and i wouldn’t be resorting to reddit and rather be able to hold you instead. i doubt you’ll ever see this, and i kinda hope you don’t, but i hope in your heart you know that it’s always been and it always will be you-you will always be the best thing to ever happen to me.