What is happening here and what should I do?

I'd really appreciate your thoughts on my current situation and what I should do next.

I've [M/32] been dating a woman who I met through OLD since late February. We hit it off on the first date, we share similar interests such as music and she's easy going, which I love. My previous relationship which ended last year was the opposite of this so it has been great to meet someone like this woman to feel validated that there are people like me out there.

This woman works a lot, with several jobs, so we've only been seeing each other once a week at best, but sometimes only once a fortnight. I didn't note every date, but I'd roughly say we've been on 6-7 dates in this time. It's not a lot but at least 3 of those times she's slept over at my place and stayed a while the next morning for breakfast etc. Our dates have been really fun, including going to concerts, movies, dinner (restaurant and at mine) and drinks. A few weeks ago after she stayed over I felt happy with where things were at, and I let myself fall for her and start to think this was heading towards a relationship. Pretty sure I was wrong.

We now haven't seen each other since mid-April. We've been texting but haven't spent any time in person. She has been working at least 6 days a week and when she's not working she says she's either catching up with friends or too exhausted. While I empathize, I am also wondering now weeks on if these are just excuses, that she's lost interest but doesn't want a confrontation or wants me around as a back up option, and that I'm getting slow faded.

I've tried my best to keep up the momentum under these circumstances, while not overwhelming her. It's clear to me her style is avoidant. I don't want to text her too much, she only replies to a message after a day at best anyway and the conversation never flows. I've been trying to be understanding of her schedule while suggesting nights we can catch up, or dates we could go on (dinner at mine, go out somewhere - I've tried several things). There's always a reason she can't do it, but she says how she wants to see me. Recently she cancelled on two dates we had organized at the very last minute, it hurt my feelings. I spoke to her on the phone about it and asked her, without being too confronting, if she was still interested in seeing me. She said she is - she was so casual about it as if to say "why do you ask? it's all good, I'm just busy". I feel like there's busy then there's not one night in three weeks to see the person you've been dating.

Again this week I tried to organize to see her, and again she was not available. So I decided finally that I'm done pursuing/chasing/trying to organize a catch up. I asked some friends their thoughts and the consensus was to leave it alone. Stop texting her. As someone who wants to be in control and not let go this is tough. But what I've been doing hasn't yielded any results. Maybe if I go quiet and give her space she might think "why hasn't X messaged me? why haven't I heard from X?". My hope is she cares that she hasn't heard from me like usual and instead reaches out to me for once, offers a day/night she's free to hang out. My fear is she won't care, and will take the opportunity to fully ghost me and I'll never hear from her again.

I've been feeling down and my self esteem has taken a hit, so I downloaded dating apps again to try and meet someone and move on, with the thought that my fears may be realized so why sit around like a sucker. Up until now I had hoped this woman was just busy with her work and I should be understanding, but tonight I saw her profile on two apps. It's weird because on Bumble our conversation is still there but it says 'deleted member' so I thought she had removed it, maybe not the case? When I saw that weeks ago I deleted mine too, thinking this was a good sign she was wanting something more with me. I can't judge because I'm on OLD too, but I only got back this week after everything, now I realize maybe when she's busy she's just dating other people? My heart sank when I saw her profile.

What do you think of this situation? Can anyone relate a similar experience? Do you agree with my decision to stop texting, or is that the wrong move? I'd appreciate your thoughts, I'm confused and hurt right now.

TL;DR: dating a woman for two months, it was going well until a few weeks ago when I feel she's started to back away, always says she's busy but hasn't directly said she's no longer interested, may be just genuinely busy but I'm getting mixed signals, I've stopped texting her as I feel I'm making all the effort, I hope she reaches out

Submitted May 06, 2019 at 02:00PM

I'd really appreciate your thoughts on my current situation and what I should do next.I've [M/32] been dating a woman who I met through OLD since late February. We hit it off on the first date, we share similar interests such as music and she's easy going, which I love. My previous relationship which ended last year was the opposite of this so it has been great to meet someone like this woman to feel validated that there are people like me out there.This woman works a lot, with several jobs, so we've only been seeing each other once a week at best, but sometimes only once a fortnight. I didn't note every date, but I'd roughly say we've been on 6-7 dates in this time. It's not a lot but at least 3 of those times she's slept over at my place and stayed a while the next morning for breakfast etc. Our dates have been really fun, including going to concerts, movies, dinner (restaurant and at mine) and drinks. A few weeks ago after she stayed over I felt happy with where things were at, and I let myself fall for her and start to think this was heading towards a relationship. Pretty sure I was wrong.We now haven't seen each other since mid-April. We've been texting but haven't spent any time in person. She has been working at least 6 days a week and when she's not working she says she's either catching up with friends or too exhausted. While I empathize, I am also wondering now weeks on if these are just excuses, that she's lost interest but doesn't want a confrontation or wants me around as a back up option, and that I'm getting slow faded.I've tried my best to keep up the momentum under these circumstances, while not overwhelming her. It's clear to me her style is avoidant. I don't want to text her too much, she only replies to a message after a day at best anyway and the conversation never flows. I've been trying to be understanding of her schedule while suggesting nights we can catch up, or dates we could go on (dinner at mine, go out somewhere - I've tried several things). There's always a reason she can't do it, but she says how she wants to see me. Recently she cancelled on two dates we had organized at the very last minute, it hurt my feelings. I spoke to her on the phone about it and asked her, without being too confronting, if she was still interested in seeing me. She said she is - she was so casual about it as if to say "why do you ask? it's all good, I'm just busy". I feel like there's busy then there's not one night in three weeks to see the person you've been dating.Again this week I tried to organize to see her, and again she was not available. So I decided finally that I'm done pursuing/chasing/trying to organize a catch up. I asked some friends their thoughts and the consensus was to leave it alone. Stop texting her. As someone who wants to be in control and not let go this is tough. But what I've been doing hasn't yielded any results. Maybe if I go quiet and give her space she might think "why hasn't X messaged me? why haven't I heard from X?". My hope is she cares that she hasn't heard from me like usual and instead reaches out to me for once, offers a day/night she's free to hang out. My fear is she won't care, and will take the opportunity to fully ghost me and I'll never hear from her again.I've been feeling down and my self esteem has taken a hit, so I downloaded dating apps again to try and meet someone and move on, with the thought that my fears may be realized so why sit around like a sucker. Up until now I had hoped this woman was just busy with her work and I should be understanding, but tonight I saw her profile on two apps. It's weird because on Bumble our conversation is still there but it says 'deleted member' so I thought she had removed it, maybe not the case? When I saw that weeks ago I deleted mine too, thinking this was a good sign she was wanting something more with me. I can't judge because I'm on OLD too, but I only got back this week after everything, now I realize maybe when she's busy she's just dating other people? My heart sank when I saw her profile.What do you think of this situation? Can anyone relate a similar experience? Do you agree with my decision to stop texting, or is that the wrong move? I'd appreciate your thoughts, I'm confused and hurt right now.TL;DR: dating a woman for two months, it was going well until a few weeks ago when I feel she's started to back away, always says she's busy but hasn't directly said she's no longer interested, may be just genuinely busy but I'm getting mixed signals, I've stopped texting her as I feel I'm making all the effort, I hope she reaches out