I didn't know someone was an option...

Hello,
I guess I'm just looking for validation. Because I (23f) love my husband (25m), and I'm so happy that we ended up together, but when we fight, when things are rough for months on end, my mind wanders wondering, "Would things have been better with X (27m)?".
We all were pretty great friends, and had a lot of good memories together. How X and I met was serendipitous and I introduced my husband to him. I'm so happy I know him, or knew him rather, like he's still alive but he's not in my life because I have a crush on the version of him I knew three years ago.
He's one of the most emotionally intelligent people I know. He's one of the most intelligent people I know. I never thought I could be good enough for him because of IQ differences and religious differences. I was also a virgin when I met him and he was experienced (meaning just not a virgin) and with all of that I just crossed him off of the list. He is very attractive and one of the best people I've ever met. Successful and depressed, socially anxious, loves people.
I so wish I could be his friend.
I so wish I could have him in my life.

My husband knew how important of a friend he was to me.
I 've woken up crying because of how much I miss this dude, and because he doesn't want me in his life anymore. My husband told me that X probably wanted more of me in his life than he was allowed.
I recently reached out to X asking him where online I could find his art, and he told me. He then later that night told me that he had been thinking about me all day, and we had an amazing conversation.
The next day I told him that my husband and I were doing something, and he got real sheepish. I think he legitimately forgot I was married.
I didn't know he was into me.
And I'm paralyzed by the idea that if I had known X was an option, that I might not be here with the father of my firstborn.
My husband is my best friend and I want to continue to wake up next to him... I just feel like a sh** person for thinking these things.
much love



Submitted May 07, 2019 at 04:19AM

Hello,I guess I'm just looking for validation. Because I (23f) love my husband (25m), and I'm so happy that we ended up together, but when we fight, when things are rough for months on end, my mind wanders wondering, "Would things have been better with X (27m)?".We all were pretty great friends, and had a lot of good memories together. How X and I met was serendipitous and I introduced my husband to him. I'm so happy I know him, or knew him rather, like he's still alive but he's not in my life because I have a crush on the version of him I knew three years ago.He's one of the most emotionally intelligent people I know. He's one of the most intelligent people I know. I never thought I could be good enough for him because of IQ differences and religious differences. I was also a virgin when I met him and he was experienced (meaning just not a virgin) and with all of that I just crossed him off of the list. He is very attractive and one of the best people I've ever met. Successful and depressed, socially anxious, loves people.I so wish I could be his friend.I so wish I could have him in my life.My husband knew how important of a friend he was to me.I 've woken up crying because of how much I miss this dude, and because he doesn't want me in his life anymore. My husband told me that X probably wanted more of me in his life than he was allowed.I recently reached out to X asking him where online I could find his art, and he told me. He then later that night told me that he had been thinking about me all day, and we had an amazing conversation.The next day I told him that my husband and I were doing something, and he got real sheepish. I think he legitimately forgot I was married.I didn't know he was into me.And I'm paralyzed by the idea that if I had known X was an option, that I might not be here with the father of my firstborn.My husband is my best friend and I want to continue to wake up next to him... I just feel like a sh** person for thinking these things.much love
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