Am I asking too much?

My husband and I (both mid-twenties) have been married for almost 2 years - so still kinda newly weds navigating the whole co habitation thing. And I have a slight issue that I have communicated with him numerous times and I can't tell if I am being too much.

Background - We both work full time jobs (at one time I was working a full time and a part time), and I'm now going back to school. I sometimes feel I have a lot on my plate and I am struggling with a combo of anxiety and some depression (working on it). My husband struggles with anxiety too. {But also there is the small mamma's boy issue and the fact he grew up in a home where mom took care of everything (even when he was an adult) and his dad is an ass (especially to women) - husband isn't that way and is good man - just sometimes wonder if the old habits kinda resurface from time to time. }

I shoulder a lot of the housework, cleaning, household errands, and dinner cooking. He does help me with keeping bills straight and paid - so no complaints there. But I'm running into the same frustration that besides my job and school work, that I'm basically playing housewife and sometimes I feel a bit like "mommy" because I have to tidy up after him. (He will play video games all night in the living room - which no biggie - but will then just get up and go to bed without picking up trash/cups and leaving the couch all disheveled). It makes me feel so flustered that I have to pick up that too after I made dinner, did dishes, cleaned up after the pets, did laundry, etc.

Back when I was working two jobs and working 60+ hours, I was doing it all too. It ramps up my anxiety and I get frustrated and short with him. I've cried so many times while washing dishes because I'm overwhelmed. I've asked and explained how it makes me feel. He says he understand and will do better - but then we get back to this place. Now sometimes he does amazing and will be so helpful but other times, its like he just can't do anything else when he gets home. He's expressed he feels off and is struggling, and I am trying to be patient and understanding...but after so long my patience is waning. Part of me wants to keep having patience and just push through like I always do with managing everything else and home, but the other part of me is struggling too. Since starting grad school I've been having panic attacks - I barely functioned last Tuesday and had to talk myself down in Walmart while grocery shopping. Sometimes I'd like to have some help with things so I can relax before bed instead of falling into it feeling so drained and dreading the next day of the same crap and frustrations.

Any advice on how to handle this or I am being just too much?

Edit: I don’t want to leave him over this. Just mainly want to know where do I draw the line between him struggling with anxiety and being selfish when he “feels tired”.

Submitted May 06, 2019 at 06:57PM

My husband and I (both mid-twenties) have been married for almost 2 years - so still kinda newly weds navigating the whole co habitation thing. And I have a slight issue that I have communicated with him numerous times and I can't tell if I am being too much.Background - We both work full time jobs (at one time I was working a full time and a part time), and I'm now going back to school. I sometimes feel I have a lot on my plate and I am struggling with a combo of anxiety and some depression (working on it). My husband struggles with anxiety too. {But also there is the small mamma's boy issue and the fact he grew up in a home where mom took care of everything (even when he was an adult) and his dad is an ass (especially to women) - husband isn't that way and is good man - just sometimes wonder if the old habits kinda resurface from time to time. }I shoulder a lot of the housework, cleaning, household errands, and dinner cooking. He does help me with keeping bills straight and paid - so no complaints there. But I'm running into the same frustration that besides my job and school work, that I'm basically playing housewife and sometimes I feel a bit like "mommy" because I have to tidy up after him. (He will play video games all night in the living room - which no biggie - but will then just get up and go to bed without picking up trash/cups and leaving the couch all disheveled). It makes me feel so flustered that I have to pick up that too after I made dinner, did dishes, cleaned up after the pets, did laundry, etc.Back when I was working two jobs and working 60+ hours, I was doing it all too. It ramps up my anxiety and I get frustrated and short with him. I've cried so many times while washing dishes because I'm overwhelmed. I've asked and explained how it makes me feel. He says he understand and will do better - but then we get back to this place. Now sometimes he does amazing and will be so helpful but other times, its like he just can't do anything else when he gets home. He's expressed he feels off and is struggling, and I am trying to be patient and understanding...but after so long my patience is waning. Part of me wants to keep having patience and just push through like I always do with managing everything else and home, but the other part of me is struggling too. Since starting grad school I've been having panic attacks - I barely functioned last Tuesday and had to talk myself down in Walmart while grocery shopping. Sometimes I'd like to have some help with things so I can relax before bed instead of falling into it feeling so drained and dreading the next day of the same crap and frustrations.Any advice on how to handle this or I am being just too much?Edit: I don’t want to leave him over this. Just mainly want to know where do I draw the line between him struggling with anxiety and being selfish when he “feels tired”.