/u/____notroot____ on Do you ever feel like you're missing out?

Yes. So much. I mean, even when kids my age started getting into relationships in middle school and high school, well before I thought I may be ace, I felt left out and sad because I wanted a close connection to somebody else. It seemed so easy and natural for everyone else, but so hard for me. I literally felt like everyone else had had a class about “ok, here’s how you get into relationships”. Now I think that it was “easy” for them because sexual attraction is a very motivating thing...

Even now, in college, where I’m pretty sure I’m ace, I’m still feeling left out. Most of my friends have a serious long-term relationship by this point, and while I’m pretty sure I’m not aromantic, it just feels kind of sad that I’ve never done that. It seems like sex is an important deal for most people: overhearing other people talking, it seems like they talk about sex and/or relationships a pretty big amount. I just don’t get it. IDK if my friends ever talk about that kind of stuff, but if they do, they certainly seem to sense that it might be touchy for me — even though I’ve never told anyone I think I may be ace.

I like my friends, but now it seems like whenever I hang out with them, I might be third or fifth or even seventh wheeling them all. It’s probably irrational because I’d certainly consider their significant others to be friends as well, but it just seems so awkward to be in a group where literally everyone else is coupled up.

Basically, since people around me started getting into relationships, I felt like I’m missing some feeling or knowledge bringing other people together that I don’t have — even well before I thought I might be ace. Having realized that people actually fantasize is super weird: I mean, it’s happened to me once, and that’s because I made it happen and it took lots of mental effort and concentration and felt wrong and gross. But that’s legit a thing that just happens to people! It’s so weird!

May 07, 2019 at 05:59AM