Breadcrumbing after first date?

I have posted about this before, but it is still happening to me with nearly every guy. I don't know what to do.

​

-Meet guy from OLD for a first date

-He texts me after the date to say he had a great time. I respond in kind.

-He texts me the next day to chit chat.

-He texts me the day after that to ask how my day is going.

-Repeat the next day or a couple of days later.

​

Finally, if certain conditions are met, I will suggest meeting, and he immediately accepts and we go out again. (Conditions: I am very interested AND he is not conventionally attractive or he seems shy.)

Sometimes I don't suggest meeting, and I let the conversation die out. (This may happen if I think he's out of my league or -- the opposite! -- if I'm not that into him.) This also tends to happen if he keeps texting me for an entire week without suggesting meeting. By then I naturally start to lose interest in him, even if I liked him at first.

​

These guys who text for days without suggesting a meeting - but they'd be totally willing to go out if I suggested it - what is up with that?

​

I am super reluctant to get involved with a guy who is letting me suggest meetings, since, in my experience, men decide pretty quickly if they're attracted or not. Whereas women can warm up over time if the man turns out to be funny, smart, etc. I don't want to waste my time (or risk my heart) on multiple dates with a guy who wasn't THAT interested from the get-go but is just killing time with me.

​

On the other hand, my ex (who wanted to marry me) told me that he almost stopped pursuing me since I didn't seem interested in the first month of dating. So maybe these guys do need encouragement?



Submitted May 06, 2019 at 07:45PM

I have posted about this before, but it is still happening to me with nearly every guy. I don't know what to do.​-Meet guy from OLD for a first date-He texts me after the date to say he had a great time. I respond in kind.-He texts me the next day to chit chat.-He texts me the day after that to ask how my day is going.-Repeat the next day or a couple of days later.​Finally, if certain conditions are met, I will suggest meeting, and he immediately accepts and we go out again. (Conditions: I am very interested AND he is not conventionally attractive or he seems shy.)Sometimes I don't suggest meeting, and I let the conversation die out. (This may happen if I think he's out of my league or -- the opposite! -- if I'm not that into him.) This also tends to happen if he keeps texting me for an entire week without suggesting meeting. By then I naturally start to lose interest in him, even if I liked him at first.​These guys who text for days without suggesting a meeting - but they'd be totally willing to go out if I suggested it - what is up with that?​I am super reluctant to get involved with a guy who is letting me suggest meetings, since, in my experience, men decide pretty quickly if they're attracted or not. Whereas women can warm up over time if the man turns out to be funny, smart, etc. I don't want to waste my time (or risk my heart) on multiple dates with a guy who wasn't THAT interested from the get-go but is just killing time with me.​On the other hand, my ex (who wanted to marry me) told me that he almost stopped pursuing me since I didn't seem interested in the first month of dating. So maybe these guys do need encouragement?
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