Was I (39F) sexually assaulted last night?

This is embarrassing to write because I feel like at my age with my experience I should know the difference here, but I'm not sure I do. I'm posting to this sub because I feel like I grew up during a time where consent was a little fuzzier than it is these days so would appreciate the perspective of someone around my age. I'm 39 and he's 42. Today has consisted of feeling like a bomb went off next to my head - hard to explain - and just intermittently breaking down, sorta out of nowhere.

I met someone new on Saturday. We'd been texting for a few weeks and he seemed like a perfect gentleman to me. It was a friendly vibe and I honestly wasn't thinking I would be into him. Then we met and I was actually shocked, in a really weird way, at how much we seemed to click in person. Like, shocked because it felt like my assessment via text had been way off, and usually I'm pretty good at telling if I'm going to vibe with someone in person.

We made plans to go out again last night. In the meantime, this guy has said lots of stuff, like he really hopes this works out, could see being with me for a long time. Told me he deleted all his dating profiles and apps and was all in on me. He's been consistently texting me throughout the day for weeks. And it did seem like we have a really good connection, are looking for the same things, etc.

We had an EXPLICIT conversation on Tues night [edit: because he had gotten grope-y with me a little on Saturday night in a way I wasn't comfortable with for just having met him) where I told him in no uncertain terms I did not want to sleep with him soon, I wanted to take our time getting to know each other, that I liked to savor the beginning and didn't want to do anything I'd be uncomfortable with and that I didn't want to waste his time if that wasn't ok. He assured me that it was and that he wanted this to last and that he was cool with taking it slow.

So we went out last night. First thing he did when he got in my car was put a gate opener (like a garage door opener) on my visor and when we got back to his place, he said he was going to leave it there so I could use it whenever I come over. I thought this was a little fast, but kinda sweet. And kinda overwhelming. He's also been saying "You'll like my friend _" "When you meet __" Using this language of certainty that I definitely took notice of because it's way, way too soon in my mind for where we are emotionally. A relationship should in no way be a foregone conclusion at this point in my mind, both because we've only known each other for a few weeks and the intensity of the emotional connection wasn't that big, at least to me.

He showed me his place, we got to his bedroom. He has a huge bed with a big stripy comforter, we'd been drinking, and I - thinking I'd made myself clear about my intentions with sex - did a dumbass move that is quintessential my personality. I threw myself down on the bed like a 6 year old kid does the running and jumping into bed thing.

He immediately climbed on top of me, which of course I assumed would happen but I was thinking ok, we're going to do a little high school level making out. I was wrong. For the next 3 hours I told him no over and over and over again, and it did no good at all. At some point I entered damage control mode mentally. He just kept at whatever he was trying to do until I gave in and then moved onto the next thing. I had the ability to forcefully say no about actual sex and refused to let him take my pants off but that's about it. That's all that didn't happen.

I want to make it clear that it's not like I wasn't into a lot of this. I was. I just wanted it to stay PG and had made that clear.

My biceps and triceps are actually sore like I worked out today from the level of muscle I tried to use to move his (very strong) arms every time he tried to put his hands down my pants or take my clothes off. He resisted forcefully every time despite me pushing with full force against his arms and he only stopped when I said "stop it, seriously" or something else like that. Then it would stop for 1 minute and he'd start it up again.

I ended up sleeping there and it was more of the same for many hours this morning. Then it took from 7:45-9:15 this morning for me to get out the door. Every ten feet this dude would stop and pin me against the wall. And he wouldn't stop kissing me and touching me when I was at the door, it had to be 30 minutes of that (sadly, I liked that part, which makes all of this even more confusing) :(

I don't know what to think or do. I know someone else wouldn't have allowed their boundaries to be violated the way I did and this is a real problem for me. At the same time, and this really makes me well up thinking about it. I told him to please respect me and he didn't. I told him to stop and he only paused. I guess my only real boundary was nudity/sex and I did enforce that. And I guess not enforcing the rest is my fault. I just feel like shit, confused. Exhausted, sad. I don't know what to do.

I feel like fucking shit today, I'm in a daze.

Edit: I forgot two other things. He kept putting my hand on his dick, then he took off his boxers and I (fully in damage control, get to the point where I can leave mode) really didn't want to jerk him off so I said I just wanted to watch him do it. He fucking rolled over and CAME ON MY STOMACH. And this morning he asked me if I was on the pill because he was hoping we wouldn't have to use condoms when we start sleeping together.

Submitted May 16, 2019 at 07:35PM

This is embarrassing to write because I feel like at my age with my experience I should know the difference here, but I'm not sure I do. I'm posting to this sub because I feel like I grew up during a time where consent was a little fuzzier than it is these days so would appreciate the perspective of someone around my age. I'm 39 and he's 42. Today has consisted of feeling like a bomb went off next to my head - hard to explain - and just intermittently breaking down, sorta out of nowhere.I met someone new on Saturday. We'd been texting for a few weeks and he seemed like a perfect gentleman to me. It was a friendly vibe and I honestly wasn't thinking I would be into him. Then we met and I was actually shocked, in a really weird way, at how much we seemed to click in person. Like, shocked because it felt like my assessment via text had been way off, and usually I'm pretty good at telling if I'm going to vibe with someone in person.We made plans to go out again last night. In the meantime, this guy has said lots of stuff, like he really hopes this works out, could see being with me for a long time. Told me he deleted all his dating profiles and apps and was all in on me. He's been consistently texting me throughout the day for weeks. And it did seem like we have a really good connection, are looking for the same things, etc.We had an EXPLICIT conversation on Tues night [edit: because he had gotten grope-y with me a little on Saturday night in a way I wasn't comfortable with for just having met him) where I told him in no uncertain terms I did not want to sleep with him soon, I wanted to take our time getting to know each other, that I liked to savor the beginning and didn't want to do anything I'd be uncomfortable with and that I didn't want to waste his time if that wasn't ok. He assured me that it was and that he wanted this to last and that he was cool with taking it slow.So we went out last night. First thing he did when he got in my car was put a gate opener (like a garage door opener) on my visor and when we got back to his place, he said he was going to leave it there so I could use it whenever I come over. I thought this was a little fast, but kinda sweet. And kinda overwhelming. He's also been saying "You'll like my friend _" "When you meet __" Using this language of certainty that I definitely took notice of because it's way, way too soon in my mind for where we are emotionally. A relationship should in no way be a foregone conclusion at this point in my mind, both because we've only known each other for a few weeks and the intensity of the emotional connection wasn't that big, at least to me.He showed me his place, we got to his bedroom. He has a huge bed with a big stripy comforter, we'd been drinking, and I - thinking I'd made myself clear about my intentions with sex - did a dumbass move that is quintessential my personality. I threw myself down on the bed like a 6 year old kid does the running and jumping into bed thing.He immediately climbed on top of me, which of course I assumed would happen but I was thinking ok, we're going to do a little high school level making out. I was wrong. For the next 3 hours I told him no over and over and over again, and it did no good at all. At some point I entered damage control mode mentally. He just kept at whatever he was trying to do until I gave in and then moved onto the next thing. I had the ability to forcefully say no about actual sex and refused to let him take my pants off but that's about it. That's all that didn't happen.I want to make it clear that it's not like I wasn't into a lot of this. I was. I just wanted it to stay PG and had made that clear.My biceps and triceps are actually sore like I worked out today from the level of muscle I tried to use to move his (very strong) arms every time he tried to put his hands down my pants or take my clothes off. He resisted forcefully every time despite me pushing with full force against his arms and he only stopped when I said "stop it, seriously" or something else like that. Then it would stop for 1 minute and he'd start it up again.I ended up sleeping there and it was more of the same for many hours this morning. Then it took from 7:45-9:15 this morning for me to get out the door. Every ten feet this dude would stop and pin me against the wall. And he wouldn't stop kissing me and touching me when I was at the door, it had to be 30 minutes of that (sadly, I liked that part, which makes all of this even more confusing) :(I don't know what to think or do. I know someone else wouldn't have allowed their boundaries to be violated the way I did and this is a real problem for me. At the same time, and this really makes me well up thinking about it. I told him to please respect me and he didn't. I told him to stop and he only paused. I guess my only real boundary was nudity/sex and I did enforce that. And I guess not enforcing the rest is my fault. I just feel like shit, confused. Exhausted, sad. I don't know what to do.I feel like fucking shit today, I'm in a daze.Edit: I forgot two other things. He kept putting my hand on his dick, then he took off his boxers and I (fully in damage control, get to the point where I can leave mode) really didn't want to jerk him off so I said I just wanted to watch him do it. He fucking rolled over and CAME ON MY STOMACH. And this morning he asked me if I was on the pill because he was hoping we wouldn't have to use condoms when we start sleeping together.