I’ve walked away from someone who treated me terribly and his reaction has made me doubt myself

I’ve been a fool and i need to let off steam. I was seeing someone for three months and it was becoming clear that he was hesitating in making things official.

There were other blatant warning signs too that I stupidly overlooked: some days he would be super into me, other days he would be distant. He would tell me that we had been invited to family parties but that he had decided we wouldn’t be going (I’d met his parents several times and they were so lovely to me).

His humor was always at my expense and on the occasions when I told him he’d gone too far, he would claim he was joking. He would tell me that I’ve passed certain ‘tests’: that I look ok without make up and first thing in the morning and that my body was nice enough. Some evenings I wouldn’t hear from him then he would text me the next morning with a very long explanation as to where he had been the night before even though I hadn’t even ASKED what he had been up to - he would just weirdly volunteer some long winded explanation about working late or having some household emergency or that he had run out of gas and had been stranded somewhere. The list goes on. On the flip side he could be incredibly charming, sweet and attentive, and he kept telling me he wanted to settle down with me - THIS is what kept me sucked in.

Two days ago when I was with him he kept telling me about other girls who were sending him flirty messages on Facebook and how in the past, before he met me, he was always getting his head turned by other women or he would lose Interest in girls he was seeing very quickly. I said to him that this wasn’t a good sign and he immediately turned on me and told me that if I continued saying things like that he would quickly lose interest in ‘our situation.’ He said by me doubting him I was putting myself down and showing that I don’t value myself. He stonewalled me for an hour afterwards.

The next morning I ended things with him. His reaction was to tell me that he’d had enough of my trust issues and that I had worn him down. He said he was glad he hadn’t made me his girlfriend as I am clearly hard work and would have made his life a misery. He then went on to say he is really angry at my decision and that he was upset. I haven’t spoken to him since.

He has made me feel like a psycho and he’s got me questioning my emotional stability even though when I think about it rationally I know he was completely wrong for me and that I put up with WAY too much. I just don’t understand why I’m not relieved to have left him and why I feel like I’m at fault here. I feel like I’ve stepped off an emotional roller coaster and I don’t understand why I feel so terrible.

UPDATE: just received a text from a i number I don’t recognise; it’s him (I’ve blocked his original number). He’s now saying if I don’t trust him I can have full access to his phone and he’ll let me track his whereabouts but then states ‘not that I should fucking have to justify myself to you.’ I’ve ignored and blocked. He’s coming across a little loopy now.

Submitted May 16, 2019 at 07:16PM

I’ve been a fool and i need to let off steam. I was seeing someone for three months and it was becoming clear that he was hesitating in making things official.There were other blatant warning signs too that I stupidly overlooked: some days he would be super into me, other days he would be distant. He would tell me that we had been invited to family parties but that he had decided we wouldn’t be going (I’d met his parents several times and they were so lovely to me).His humor was always at my expense and on the occasions when I told him he’d gone too far, he would claim he was joking. He would tell me that I’ve passed certain ‘tests’: that I look ok without make up and first thing in the morning and that my body was nice enough. Some evenings I wouldn’t hear from him then he would text me the next morning with a very long explanation as to where he had been the night before even though I hadn’t even ASKED what he had been up to - he would just weirdly volunteer some long winded explanation about working late or having some household emergency or that he had run out of gas and had been stranded somewhere. The list goes on. On the flip side he could be incredibly charming, sweet and attentive, and he kept telling me he wanted to settle down with me - THIS is what kept me sucked in.Two days ago when I was with him he kept telling me about other girls who were sending him flirty messages on Facebook and how in the past, before he met me, he was always getting his head turned by other women or he would lose Interest in girls he was seeing very quickly. I said to him that this wasn’t a good sign and he immediately turned on me and told me that if I continued saying things like that he would quickly lose interest in ‘our situation.’ He said by me doubting him I was putting myself down and showing that I don’t value myself. He stonewalled me for an hour afterwards.The next morning I ended things with him. His reaction was to tell me that he’d had enough of my trust issues and that I had worn him down. He said he was glad he hadn’t made me his girlfriend as I am clearly hard work and would have made his life a misery. He then went on to say he is really angry at my decision and that he was upset. I haven’t spoken to him since.He has made me feel like a psycho and he’s got me questioning my emotional stability even though when I think about it rationally I know he was completely wrong for me and that I put up with WAY too much. I just don’t understand why I’m not relieved to have left him and why I feel like I’m at fault here. I feel like I’ve stepped off an emotional roller coaster and I don’t understand why I feel so terrible.UPDATE: just received a text from a i number I don’t recognise; it’s him (I’ve blocked his original number). He’s now saying if I don’t trust him I can have full access to his phone and he’ll let me track his whereabouts but then states ‘not that I should fucking have to justify myself to you.’ I’ve ignored and blocked. He’s coming across a little loopy now.