Help with Getting Back into Dating

Throw away to hide any identifying info.

So I (M, 30) have recently started to get back into the dating game. I was in an incredibly physically and emotionally abusive relationship for about 4.5-5 years. When she was sober, there was no one else I wanted to be with, but that was rare. I finally got the strength to end it, about 2.5 years ago.

I then went on to get into relationships with women that shared a lot of similarities and problems with the first one. I didn't like where I was going, so I stopped all dating, sex, whatever. I went into therapy to help me grow as a person and deal with my issues.

Recently, I feel good about myself for the first time in an incredibly long time. I'm proud and excited of where I'm heading in life, and want to meet someone to grow and share with. Now I'm having problems meeting women. The few conversations I have (online or in person) feel extremely hollow. I know not every conversation is going to be fireworks, but I feel useless. Plus, any similarities I see someone shares with my abusive ex lead me to just shutting down completely. I can't go through that again, nor should I (or anyone).

I think I'm fairly attractive, am in decent shape, funny when I get out of my shell, yadda yadda. I'm just struggling making these connections. I have no problem striking up conversations with anyone I'm not romantically interested in.

Where do I go? What do I do?

Thanks to any and all who help!



Submitted May 16, 2019 at 06:42PM

Throw away to hide any identifying info.So I (M, 30) have recently started to get back into the dating game. I was in an incredibly physically and emotionally abusive relationship for about 4.5-5 years. When she was sober, there was no one else I wanted to be with, but that was rare. I finally got the strength to end it, about 2.5 years ago.I then went on to get into relationships with women that shared a lot of similarities and problems with the first one. I didn't like where I was going, so I stopped all dating, sex, whatever. I went into therapy to help me grow as a person and deal with my issues.Recently, I feel good about myself for the first time in an incredibly long time. I'm proud and excited of where I'm heading in life, and want to meet someone to grow and share with. Now I'm having problems meeting women. The few conversations I have (online or in person) feel extremely hollow. I know not every conversation is going to be fireworks, but I feel useless. Plus, any similarities I see someone shares with my abusive ex lead me to just shutting down completely. I can't go through that again, nor should I (or anyone).I think I'm fairly attractive, am in decent shape, funny when I get out of my shell, yadda yadda. I'm just struggling making these connections. I have no problem striking up conversations with anyone I'm not romantically interested in.Where do I go? What do I do?Thanks to any and all who help!
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