Follow up: separate due to work travel

The good: we can have ‘hard’ conversations without the other being offended or defensive, J took ownership of areas where he should have communicated more or better

The areas for improvement: overall communication, my own personal insecurity and ability to move on.

He was traveling for work and so was I. When we were finally back home, I reached out and said I wanted to see him but understood if he was busy with work (high pressure career, and he’s in a major funk about where he wants to go career wise - this has only come up the last week). He declined and said he had a work reception. Later found out it was a reception for a scholarship a friend invited him to, while not necessarily work, also not necessarily turning me down to have beers w a friend, and we also both deserve time with just our friends.

Since he declined, I didn’t reach out Friday. When we were texting asking what the other was doing, he said he was grabbing drinks with a coworker hoping to get advice, so then I really didn’t plan to bother him. Later that night I found out said coworker invited her husband. I told my guy I was disappointed I wasn’t invited out. He said he understood but he didn’t know she was bringing her husband as he did want it to be professionally focused. They later transitioned to his house, hanging out, and I became frustrated again, but I was trying to tell myself he deserves time to be with a work friend .

Fast forward to Saturday, we had no plans again. So I spent tike with my friends, ran errands, and took care of things I needed to. The “what are you doing” conversations started and he actually said making dinner with you? It was cute, but all I could think of was the last minute communication of that (2 hours)

We ended up spending time together and talking. I told him I understood he isn’t happy with his job, and the best way I can support him is listening, but I also appreciated hearing from him and not being completely pushed to the side if he needed time. He said I have been very understanding of work issues and that he should have communicated that he needed space to think about the work funk (not because of me).

That was cleared, but I am hoping we can improve communication overall. Both of us are fine giving the other space for work, our own friends, but we need to communicate it better. My own gremlins are screaming to run and protect myself, but there are always places to grow ;-)

Submitted May 26, 2019 at 02:17PM

The good: we can have ‘hard’ conversations without the other being offended or defensive, J took ownership of areas where he should have communicated more or betterThe areas for improvement: overall communication, my own personal insecurity and ability to move on.He was traveling for work and so was I. When we were finally back home, I reached out and said I wanted to see him but understood if he was busy with work (high pressure career, and he’s in a major funk about where he wants to go career wise - this has only come up the last week). He declined and said he had a work reception. Later found out it was a reception for a scholarship a friend invited him to, while not necessarily work, also not necessarily turning me down to have beers w a friend, and we also both deserve time with just our friends.Since he declined, I didn’t reach out Friday. When we were texting asking what the other was doing, he said he was grabbing drinks with a coworker hoping to get advice, so then I really didn’t plan to bother him. Later that night I found out said coworker invited her husband. I told my guy I was disappointed I wasn’t invited out. He said he understood but he didn’t know she was bringing her husband as he did want it to be professionally focused. They later transitioned to his house, hanging out, and I became frustrated again, but I was trying to tell myself he deserves time to be with a work friend .Fast forward to Saturday, we had no plans again. So I spent tike with my friends, ran errands, and took care of things I needed to. The “what are you doing” conversations started and he actually said making dinner with you? It was cute, but all I could think of was the last minute communication of that (2 hours)We ended up spending time together and talking. I told him I understood he isn’t happy with his job, and the best way I can support him is listening, but I also appreciated hearing from him and not being completely pushed to the side if he needed time. He said I have been very understanding of work issues and that he should have communicated that he needed space to think about the work funk (not because of me).That was cleared, but I am hoping we can improve communication overall. Both of us are fine giving the other space for work, our own friends, but we need to communicate it better. My own gremlins are screaming to run and protect myself, but there are always places to grow ;-)