Long-distance best friend of 10 years (25M) barely talks to me (23F) anymore. He suffers chronic illness and mental health problems that make it difficult for him to be social, and I miss him a lot.

Like the title says, I've known this guy for a good 10 years, since late childhood. We met online (and later on, a few times in person!) and used to talk every day over text and video calls. We've been through a lot, and were very close. He probably knows more about me than most of my family.

For the past couple years I have heard less and less from him. We both just recently got out of college, and I figured that once the schoolwork was over with then we would both have some more time to catch up, but no-go. Every time we make plans to have a phone call, something else comes up: "sorry, I fell asleep," "sorry, someone invited me to a movie," "sorry, I don't feel like talking after all." He has EDS and a host of related degenerative conditions that genuinely make him very tired, and has also recently been diagnosed with autism. I want to be supportive of the times that he is able to be out and about irl, and also understanding of the times where he is stuck in bed, but I can't help but feel hurt when I'm passed over continually. One time I finally got on a skype call with him after not hearing his voice for 4 months, only for him to talk to his roommates the whole time, and leave halfway through.

I've tried several times to talk to him about how I feel and to ask if there's anything I can do to help him, or compromise somehow so that we can keep in touch without making it a chore. He insists that he still enjoys being around me, but has much less energy than he used to. I feel so stuck. I do know that this is an age where many people naturally grow apart, and I do have good irl relationships outside of this one, but... I think I'm slowly losing a valuable friend.

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tldr; long-term online friendship with a person with chronic illness is fading away. Advice?



Submitted May 27, 2019 at 05:19AM

Like the title says, I've known this guy for a good 10 years, since late childhood. We met online (and later on, a few times in person!) and used to talk every day over text and video calls. We've been through a lot, and were very close. He probably knows more about me than most of my family.For the past couple years I have heard less and less from him. We both just recently got out of college, and I figured that once the schoolwork was over with then we would both have some more time to catch up, but no-go. Every time we make plans to have a phone call, something else comes up: "sorry, I fell asleep," "sorry, someone invited me to a movie," "sorry, I don't feel like talking after all." He has EDS and a host of related degenerative conditions that genuinely make him very tired, and has also recently been diagnosed with autism. I want to be supportive of the times that he is able to be out and about irl, and also understanding of the times where he is stuck in bed, but I can't help but feel hurt when I'm passed over continually. One time I finally got on a skype call with him after not hearing his voice for 4 months, only for him to talk to his roommates the whole time, and leave halfway through.I've tried several times to talk to him about how I feel and to ask if there's anything I can do to help him, or compromise somehow so that we can keep in touch without making it a chore. He insists that he still enjoys being around me, but has much less energy than he used to. I feel so stuck. I do know that this is an age where many people naturally grow apart, and I do have good irl relationships outside of this one, but... I think I'm slowly losing a valuable friend.​tldr; long-term online friendship with a person with chronic illness is fading away. Advice?
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