My (23F) stepmother and sister have me questioning my relationship (2 years) with my boyfriend(26M)...

Hey guys. I’ve been digging around this subreddit, and googling, but I’m not having much luck. I guess I’m needed some advice on what to do?

Last weekend, my family and my boyfriend and I all went a few hours away for a family wedding. It was quite rainy, and due to us being on a lake, the cabin where my sister(21), boyfriend and I were staying was quite infested with bugs. We hung out with my brother on the first night, but apparently there was some Pre-wedding party that we weren’t told about until a half hour before, so we decided to just stay indoors and play some party games on my boyfriend’s XBox. No big deal, or so I thought...

So the wedding day comes. We try and find places to eat, but because we’re in such a small town, nothing takes cards or opens until noon. My boyfriend wasn’t feeling well (which he often doesn’t) so he was cranky since we all woke up. We ended up driving about a half hour to another town just to eat and get gas. My sister and my boyfriend’s were kind of bickering at this point, as she had continuously been asking him about being an asshole, grumpy, etc. She continues this most of the day, and into the night during the wedding reception (I think? That’s the part after the ceremony.) He spent most of the time sitting down, not feeling well, and after the cream and cheese filled dinner, he spent the rest of the night in the bathroom. She continuously asked him and I why he was being an asshole, why he wasn’t dancing, etc. After the reception, we stayed about another hour, at which point the hotel employees didn’t seem too keen on letting us stay (we’d already stayed an hour after quiet time, and they had thrown water on a bonfire that was made. People were starting to bribe them money to continue partying...)My boyfriend and I were ready to leave (my sister drove), and I’m guessing my boyfriend must have seemed rushed.

By the time we got to the car, my sister blew up. She started screaming about how she ruined her weekend, how she couldn’t even go to the bar with her family (which we weren’t aware of until this fight!) and how she/my family were going to “fucking fight you” and how my family hates him. My boyfriend did raise his voice at her- telling her to go to the bar if she really wanted to, and to shut up- as at this point he was mad. He’s never raised his voice like that to me, or to any of his family members. We’ve gotten into fights before, and not once has he ever acted in that way. He didn’t call her names, just told her to shut up and do whatever she wanted. By now, I was crying and trying to just drown it out.

When I got back to my parents house (where I live), having talked it over with my boyfriend, I asked my stepmom if they actually hated him. My dad isn’t very emotionally involved(57), never has been, and I doubt he ever will. My stepmom and I aren’t close, and have had serious issues in the past (I’ve been told by therapists to read a book called “Mothers Who Couldn’t Love”, if that explains things.) She pauses briefly and said “We don’t dislike him... we just...” and went to babble in several things. She mentioned how he’s not masculine (??), how he’s quite boring, and how all he talks about is science (he works in a medical laboratory.) She also stated SEVERAL times that I’m “drop dead gorgeous, you could have anyone you want... but you love him and as long as he treats you well we’re happy.” She ended up telling me that my sister “ran into her arms crying” and told her a completely different story. My sister, unfortunately, seems to be a little manipulative herself. She even got into a fight with my stepmother and ONLY apologized so she could visit our dog (unbeknownst to stepmother.) Her and my stepmom don’t have a great relationship as well.

Now I’m looking at all the not so good things about my boyfriend. How he’s not super tall like all the men on my stepmother’s side, how he’s very skinny (I think he may have some sort of GI issue going on), how he definitely is nerdy. But I love his neediness, his intelligence, how he has graduated university, owns a car and his own apartment. I love him, and I want him to be in my life. We plan on moving in together soon, and he’s honestly the guy I think about marrying.

I don’t know, I guess I need advice on how to process all the things my stepmother and sister said? It feels like my boyfriend isn’t good enough for them, but when I tried to point out all the great things about him, they told me not to defend him. Is he really that boring- because he knows nothing about cars or sports? I feel like they think he isn’t my type or something. I feel so terrible about everything that’s happened. I know he has pretty low self esteem, and I feel like a damn idiot for talking about it with him (he was very calm about everything!) What is he doing wrong that they don’t like him? He’s helped fix my parents computers multiple times, helped me dog sit... it just doesn’t make sense and my heart hurts. I don’t want this to tarnish our relationship. My dad is mainly who I want to approve of him, but because he’s attached to my stepmother and her family (my mom and my dad’s side aren’t really involved), I feel like I need her approval too.

I also want to ask how I should approach things with my sister. I was trying to keep things civil along the way home and when I saw her today, but I get pretty angry when I see her. She acts like he wronged her terribly (I know him raising his voice wasn’t right, but I would too after what she said.) My sister is the type of person to be quite judgemenal, and maybe my family is too. She like to pick and poke at you until she gets a reaction, and will say nasty things to you because she didn’t get her way.

Should I just let things blow over? I just feel so awkward with everything right now. I’ve never had anything like this happen in a relationship before, although my stepmother didn’t like my last boyfriend for kind of the same reasons as well.

TL;DR: Boyfriens and sister got into a heated argument. Sister told a different story than what actually happened. Stepmother told me what “my family” thinks of him- now I’m looking at him differently.

Submitted May 27, 2019 at 06:03AM

Hey guys. I’ve been digging around this subreddit, and googling, but I’m not having much luck. I guess I’m needed some advice on what to do?Last weekend, my family and my boyfriend and I all went a few hours away for a family wedding. It was quite rainy, and due to us being on a lake, the cabin where my sister(21), boyfriend and I were staying was quite infested with bugs. We hung out with my brother on the first night, but apparently there was some Pre-wedding party that we weren’t told about until a half hour before, so we decided to just stay indoors and play some party games on my boyfriend’s XBox. No big deal, or so I thought...So the wedding day comes. We try and find places to eat, but because we’re in such a small town, nothing takes cards or opens until noon. My boyfriend wasn’t feeling well (which he often doesn’t) so he was cranky since we all woke up. We ended up driving about a half hour to another town just to eat and get gas. My sister and my boyfriend’s were kind of bickering at this point, as she had continuously been asking him about being an asshole, grumpy, etc. She continues this most of the day, and into the night during the wedding reception (I think? That’s the part after the ceremony.) He spent most of the time sitting down, not feeling well, and after the cream and cheese filled dinner, he spent the rest of the night in the bathroom. She continuously asked him and I why he was being an asshole, why he wasn’t dancing, etc. After the reception, we stayed about another hour, at which point the hotel employees didn’t seem too keen on letting us stay (we’d already stayed an hour after quiet time, and they had thrown water on a bonfire that was made. People were starting to bribe them money to continue partying...)My boyfriend and I were ready to leave (my sister drove), and I’m guessing my boyfriend must have seemed rushed.By the time we got to the car, my sister blew up. She started screaming about how she ruined her weekend, how she couldn’t even go to the bar with her family (which we weren’t aware of until this fight!) and how she/my family were going to “fucking fight you” and how my family hates him. My boyfriend did raise his voice at her- telling her to go to the bar if she really wanted to, and to shut up- as at this point he was mad. He’s never raised his voice like that to me, or to any of his family members. We’ve gotten into fights before, and not once has he ever acted in that way. He didn’t call her names, just told her to shut up and do whatever she wanted. By now, I was crying and trying to just drown it out.When I got back to my parents house (where I live), having talked it over with my boyfriend, I asked my stepmom if they actually hated him. My dad isn’t very emotionally involved(57), never has been, and I doubt he ever will. My stepmom and I aren’t close, and have had serious issues in the past (I’ve been told by therapists to read a book called “Mothers Who Couldn’t Love”, if that explains things.) She pauses briefly and said “We don’t dislike him... we just...” and went to babble in several things. She mentioned how he’s not masculine (??), how he’s quite boring, and how all he talks about is science (he works in a medical laboratory.) She also stated SEVERAL times that I’m “drop dead gorgeous, you could have anyone you want... but you love him and as long as he treats you well we’re happy.” She ended up telling me that my sister “ran into her arms crying” and told her a completely different story. My sister, unfortunately, seems to be a little manipulative herself. She even got into a fight with my stepmother and ONLY apologized so she could visit our dog (unbeknownst to stepmother.) Her and my stepmom don’t have a great relationship as well.Now I’m looking at all the not so good things about my boyfriend. How he’s not super tall like all the men on my stepmother’s side, how he’s very skinny (I think he may have some sort of GI issue going on), how he definitely is nerdy. But I love his neediness, his intelligence, how he has graduated university, owns a car and his own apartment. I love him, and I want him to be in my life. We plan on moving in together soon, and he’s honestly the guy I think about marrying.I don’t know, I guess I need advice on how to process all the things my stepmother and sister said? It feels like my boyfriend isn’t good enough for them, but when I tried to point out all the great things about him, they told me not to defend him. Is he really that boring- because he knows nothing about cars or sports? I feel like they think he isn’t my type or something. I feel so terrible about everything that’s happened. I know he has pretty low self esteem, and I feel like a damn idiot for talking about it with him (he was very calm about everything!) What is he doing wrong that they don’t like him? He’s helped fix my parents computers multiple times, helped me dog sit... it just doesn’t make sense and my heart hurts. I don’t want this to tarnish our relationship. My dad is mainly who I want to approve of him, but because he’s attached to my stepmother and her family (my mom and my dad’s side aren’t really involved), I feel like I need her approval too.I also want to ask how I should approach things with my sister. I was trying to keep things civil along the way home and when I saw her today, but I get pretty angry when I see her. She acts like he wronged her terribly (I know him raising his voice wasn’t right, but I would too after what she said.) My sister is the type of person to be quite judgemenal, and maybe my family is too. She like to pick and poke at you until she gets a reaction, and will say nasty things to you because she didn’t get her way.Should I just let things blow over? I just feel so awkward with everything right now. I’ve never had anything like this happen in a relationship before, although my stepmother didn’t like my last boyfriend for kind of the same reasons as well.TL;DR: Boyfriens and sister got into a heated argument. Sister told a different story than what actually happened. Stepmother told me what “my family” thinks of him- now I’m looking at him differently.