/u/hekindeathly on My boyfriend (21) broke up with me (F18) for being Ace

Thank you all for the support, it means alot to me. I hope moving forward, proves better for me





April 12, 2019 at 05:06AM
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  1. AvistewApril 12, 2019 at 12:30 AM

    I'm sorry this happened to you. Sadly, if that was a deal breaker for him that means you weren't compatible to begin with, but... knowing that isn't going to make it hurt less :S

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  2. AnonymousApril 12, 2019 at 12:33 AM

    Sexual incompatibility is a legitimate reason for a breakup, but he should have handled it with more grace and sensitivity.

    I hope your future partner(s) treat you with more dignity and respect with regard to your sexuality and your personhood as a whole.

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  3. GandalfyTheGrey1April 12, 2019 at 12:34 AM

    Hey. I absolutely understand where you are coming from. Because i was in the similar place as your boyfriend.

    My girlfriend at the time told me she is Ace two months into our relationship. But we loved each other since forever so there was an extremely strong emotional bond. At-least i felt that way.

    When she first told me, i was mentally destroyed, i had doubts if she even loved me, even cared about me, what other things were not true, i couldnt trust anything and i was just really mentally disturbed.

    My mind was flipping out like crazy, i couldnt control my emotions, i was so confused and scared about everything and all my idealization suddenly crippled. I did tell her i accept it. And i just need a bit of time to wrap my head around it. After a while. I wrote her accepting poems and told her just how much i love her and i don't think sexual activity is more important, than the emotional and platonic bond we share. I told her its okay, i am willingly to compromise completely. This was purely because i loved her wayy too much. I went to Ace discord servers, asked them questions, tried to understand, i frequented this sub ALOT. It was a new world to me.

    This was me. We did broke up. But that was because of her parents found out about us and because we live in a muslim community, they just are too...extreme. So it ended. We are still very good friends.

    Tho sometimes i wish, I was more accepting of her. Because i did show her how disturbed i got. I am open about my feelings. So in that sense, while she was being vulnerable to me, i was emotional too. I wish i didn't feel the way i did at the time.

    Now that i have objectivity and distance from it all. If my girlfriend at the time came out as Ace. I would be absolutely as accepting as i possibly could be. Its absolutely ridiculous to break up because one of the partners don't want sexual activity. At-least to me it is. I love her for who she is. Not because i am horny. That is simply how it is. P.s i am demisexual so my sexual feelings were also blown out of proportion because they were deeply mixed with love. Even rn, i deeply love her. I guess i never stop loving the people i once do.


    This wall of text is just to show you my perspective. And at the time i was 17 years old. I am 18 now. My point is you shouldn't feel terrible and sick at all. You were as open and vulnerable as possible and honestly that makes me cry so much. Because i know that was what my own girlfriend was like. I really hope things become better.

    I really want to say its ok. You did everything alright. His reactions are out of your control. They depend on how he perceives things. I am sorry i know it will hurt. But give it time and distance. I guess now you also know you are Ace. So that will help. Just a billion hugs to you <3

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