Guys ghost then come back months later- HELP!

I have been single for over a year and a half. I'm a 32 woman- self-employed, get complimented on my looks frequently, people tell me I'm funny and outgoing and overall I feel like I have my shit together. But I can't keep a guy interested during the initial dating phase. I'm dating guys around my age, BTW.

What happens is I meet a guy (usually online) we talk for a while, go on a date, and if I am interested then I try to meet up again, but eventually communication drops off, he gets distant and cold and usually ghosts me altogether or I try and match his level of interest to the point conversation just fades away. I feel like the more I'm interested, the quicker they run.

This seems like the norm for most of us, right? But here is where it gets confusing. They eventually come back!

Usually, a couple months down the line, sometimes even longer, they drop in my DM's on social media or randomly text me asking me out again or trying to restart were we left off. But of course, by this point I am turned off by them because I closed that part of me that was interested to protect myself from their ghosting and bread crumbing.

This is happening frequently enough in my dating life that I'm really starting to take notice.

I can't figure out what I am doing wrong. Maybe it's my eagerness they see as clinginess (although I don't double text or do anything crazy) so they pull back. But in those cases where they are pulling away and breadcrumbing, I don't know how to protect myself without detaching my excitement for them completely.

Anyones else experience this resurfacing of past dates? How do you handle it?



Submitted April 11, 2019 at 06:08PM

I have been single for over a year and a half. I'm a 32 woman- self-employed, get complimented on my looks frequently, people tell me I'm funny and outgoing and overall I feel like I have my shit together. But I can't keep a guy interested during the initial dating phase. I'm dating guys around my age, BTW.What happens is I meet a guy (usually online) we talk for a while, go on a date, and if I am interested then I try to meet up again, but eventually communication drops off, he gets distant and cold and usually ghosts me altogether or I try and match his level of interest to the point conversation just fades away. I feel like the more I'm interested, the quicker they run.This seems like the norm for most of us, right? But here is where it gets confusing. They eventually come back!Usually, a couple months down the line, sometimes even longer, they drop in my DM's on social media or randomly text me asking me out again or trying to restart were we left off. But of course, by this point I am turned off by them because I closed that part of me that was interested to protect myself from their ghosting and bread crumbing.This is happening frequently enough in my dating life that I'm really starting to take notice.I can't figure out what I am doing wrong. Maybe it's my eagerness they see as clinginess (although I don't double text or do anything crazy) so they pull back. But in those cases where they are pulling away and breadcrumbing, I don't know how to protect myself without detaching my excitement for them completely.Anyones else experience this resurfacing of past dates? How do you handle it?
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