I suspect I am emotionally unavailable. Is it me, or have I just not met the right person?

I'm 32, female and bisexual. I am dating women as well as men openly for the first time in a decade. The last two or so years have been very tough - I was made redundant, lost my apartment, gained weight and was unemployed for about four months before finding work again. When I was finally made permanent full time, my hiring manager resigned suddenly and was replaced by a micro manager and a bully. The next 18 months of my life were a nightmare of anxiety and depression. I finally got out when I was offered a prestigious job with a big pay rise at another company. I started my new job at the beginning of the year - I've also managed to lose 20 lbs/10 kg, bought some new clothes and keep myself well groomed.

I started feeling much better and more positive about life, so I decided that I might give dating a try again. At my old job, I had met and formed a lovely, very warm bond with a lesbian in her late 40's - but she already had a partner of several years, so I decided to try and move on with my life despite the strong feelings I had developed for her when we worked together.

I met a beautiful, fiery redheaded (37 F) on OKC about 6 weeks ago, and while we got along very well she admitted she was still recovering from the breakdown of her long term relationship of seven years, and was more interested in men at the moment (she is also bisexual). We have become good friends and see each other several times a week, but I don't feel I want anything more than that with her. She does still flirt with me and check me out from time to time, but I let it slide.

I went on a first date with a guy I met on OKC two weeks ago. He is a lovely guy - 36, smart, well educated, stable job, creative hobbies and much more attractive in person than his pictures on OKC would suggest. He was very keen, and very clear that he found me attractive and had a great time. He was sick when we went on our date, but clearly didn't want to cancel as he had bought tickets to a comedy show. I didn't feel the urge to kiss or touch him. Partly because he was sick, but also I just sort of felt kind of neutral towards him. I didn't find him repulsive, but I didn't find him attractive either. I saw him as an objectively attractive - he was well dressed, tall with lovely eyes and a handsome face. But I just didn't feel anything. When he texted the next day to ask for a second date when he had recovered, I started to doubt myself. Maybe I was just underwhelmed because he was sick? I decided to accept to give more time for attraction to build. Yesterday, he texted to plan for a picnic on Saturday afternoon at a small, beautiful local park that is known as a romantic spot. He is bringing everything except the picnic blanket, which I am providing.

I feel guilty. I feel anxious about the date, but only in the sense that I don't feel anything and I don't want to lead him on. He seems like a really good guy, but usually I at least feel some physical attraction at this point. I am more looking forward to a farewell party tonight for a former coworker, because my lesbian crush from my old job might be there.

Is it me? Did I jump back in the dating pool too soon after struggling for so long to get to a positive point in my life? Or should I just keep on meeting new people and hope for the best? Any insights are most welcome.

Submitted April 11, 2019 at 10:32PM

I'm 32, female and bisexual. I am dating women as well as men openly for the first time in a decade. The last two or so years have been very tough - I was made redundant, lost my apartment, gained weight and was unemployed for about four months before finding work again. When I was finally made permanent full time, my hiring manager resigned suddenly and was replaced by a micro manager and a bully. The next 18 months of my life were a nightmare of anxiety and depression. I finally got out when I was offered a prestigious job with a big pay rise at another company. I started my new job at the beginning of the year - I've also managed to lose 20 lbs/10 kg, bought some new clothes and keep myself well groomed.I started feeling much better and more positive about life, so I decided that I might give dating a try again. At my old job, I had met and formed a lovely, very warm bond with a lesbian in her late 40's - but she already had a partner of several years, so I decided to try and move on with my life despite the strong feelings I had developed for her when we worked together.I met a beautiful, fiery redheaded (37 F) on OKC about 6 weeks ago, and while we got along very well she admitted she was still recovering from the breakdown of her long term relationship of seven years, and was more interested in men at the moment (she is also bisexual). We have become good friends and see each other several times a week, but I don't feel I want anything more than that with her. She does still flirt with me and check me out from time to time, but I let it slide.I went on a first date with a guy I met on OKC two weeks ago. He is a lovely guy - 36, smart, well educated, stable job, creative hobbies and much more attractive in person than his pictures on OKC would suggest. He was very keen, and very clear that he found me attractive and had a great time. He was sick when we went on our date, but clearly didn't want to cancel as he had bought tickets to a comedy show. I didn't feel the urge to kiss or touch him. Partly because he was sick, but also I just sort of felt kind of neutral towards him. I didn't find him repulsive, but I didn't find him attractive either. I saw him as an objectively attractive - he was well dressed, tall with lovely eyes and a handsome face. But I just didn't feel anything. When he texted the next day to ask for a second date when he had recovered, I started to doubt myself. Maybe I was just underwhelmed because he was sick? I decided to accept to give more time for attraction to build. Yesterday, he texted to plan for a picnic on Saturday afternoon at a small, beautiful local park that is known as a romantic spot. He is bringing everything except the picnic blanket, which I am providing.I feel guilty. I feel anxious about the date, but only in the sense that I don't feel anything and I don't want to lead him on. He seems like a really good guy, but usually I at least feel some physical attraction at this point. I am more looking forward to a farewell party tonight for a former coworker, because my lesbian crush from my old job might be there.Is it me? Did I jump back in the dating pool too soon after struggling for so long to get to a positive point in my life? Or should I just keep on meeting new people and hope for the best? Any insights are most welcome.