My partner (26f) wants to have violent sex and I’m (27m) not sure if I’m ready

I met a girl on Tinder a few weeks ago and we have hooked up a few times. The sex has been pretty good, and we get along. Last time I saw her, she mentioned that she was interested in hitting me during sex. We sort of laughed about it and moved on. A few days later she sent me a message about a “new fantasy” she had, where she would get in a physical fight with someone, then fuck them. She wanted to hit me during sex, and she wanted me to hit her. I told her I was down to try. I try to be a considerate lover and think my partner’s pleasure is as important as my own. I said we should practice first, because I didn’t know how hard I should hit and how I should do it. I’ve had low-grade “rough” sex before (spanking, a little choking, scratching) but never actually hit someone on the face. We were sending some thirsty texts back and forth last night and I ended up at her place. She was wearing sexy lingerie that was held together with bows. As soon as I got there I threw her on the bed and we started doing our thing. She was on top of me, then she slapped me across the face. Not super hard, but it was a real slap. I knew as soon as she did it that I wasn’t ready. I tried to slap her on the face too, but it was half hearted. A couple minutes later I was pushing rope, so I stopped and told her I didn’t like hitting her. She seemed totally fine with it, and we ended up having “normal” sex again later. Honestly, a girl hitting me isn’t really a turn on. But I think my real problem is the expectation that I have to be as rough or rougher than she is- and I definitely don’t get off on hitting anybody. I have a history of abuse in my family, and I think it brings up bad memories. My quandary is this: I want to be a good sexual partner, and I want to be adventurous. Is there a way to ease into rough sex or learn how to do it? Or is it just something i should stay away from? Does that make me “vanilla”? TLDR: Girl slapped me on the face during sex, wants me to hit her back but it made me feel weird. Should I try again?

Submitted April 12, 2019 at 02:28AM

I met a girl on Tinder a few weeks ago and we have hooked up a few times. The sex has been pretty good, and we get along. Last time I saw her, she mentioned that she was interested in hitting me during sex. We sort of laughed about it and moved on. A few days later she sent me a message about a “new fantasy” she had, where she would get in a physical fight with someone, then fuck them. She wanted to hit me during sex, and she wanted me to hit her. I told her I was down to try. I try to be a considerate lover and think my partner’s pleasure is as important as my own. I said we should practice first, because I didn’t know how hard I should hit and how I should do it. I’ve had low-grade “rough” sex before (spanking, a little choking, scratching) but never actually hit someone on the face. We were sending some thirsty texts back and forth last night and I ended up at her place. She was wearing sexy lingerie that was held together with bows. As soon as I got there I threw her on the bed and we started doing our thing. She was on top of me, then she slapped me across the face. Not super hard, but it was a real slap. I knew as soon as she did it that I wasn’t ready. I tried to slap her on the face too, but it was half hearted. A couple minutes later I was pushing rope, so I stopped and told her I didn’t like hitting her. She seemed totally fine with it, and we ended up having “normal” sex again later. Honestly, a girl hitting me isn’t really a turn on. But I think my real problem is the expectation that I have to be as rough or rougher than she is- and I definitely don’t get off on hitting anybody. I have a history of abuse in my family, and I think it brings up bad memories. My quandary is this: I want to be a good sexual partner, and I want to be adventurous. Is there a way to ease into rough sex or learn how to do it? Or is it just something i should stay away from? Does that make me “vanilla”? TLDR: Girl slapped me on the face during sex, wants me to hit her back but it made me feel weird. Should I try again?