Has anyone ever asked someone to slow their roll or dated someone who was really different from you and had it work out?

Hey DoT. Sorry for the long post, but I’m trying to figure out if I want to stop seeing this guy or ask him to slow his roll. If I’m not 100% into him now, is continuing to see him a lost cause and should I just break it off or should I tell him my concerns and see what he says?

Been dating this guy for about 4-5 weeks. He went hard on the text messaging from day 1. We talked on the phone for a couple hours the day after we matched on OKC and had a good convo despite my protestations about talking on the phone. The “Good morning” texts started the next day even before we met, and haven’t let up since. I actually posted on a weekly thread before our first date that I wasn’t sure about him because there was just so much texting. At first it was quality getting to know you stuff, but lately it’s just aggressively boring.

However, our first date went well, and we do have some significant compatibilities and things I really like about him—no kids/don’t want kids; he’s very caring, open, honest, communicative; we have similar diets; I like his face; he actually wants a relationship. So I’ve been kinda rolling with it. I did tell him we need to scale back the texting during work hours and he understood and thanked me for letting him know. So, he does listen and is willing to change, which is great. But at this point I feel like I’d be asking him to change a lot for me, and I don’t think it’s fair to him.

We’re pretty different people — he’s like 39 going on 60, and I’m like 39 going on 27. I like new music, going out dancing/seeing live music, watching entertainment from this century, fucking around on Reddit and Twitter. He’s into playing his instrument, listening to mostly bands from the 60s, and watching East German documentaries. He doesn’t listen to any new music or watch any new TV shows. At first I thought, well, that’s OK, he’s quirky; if we both liked all the same things that would be boring. But now I just really don’t think we have much in common to sustain a long-term relationship, which is what I know we both want.

It’s becoming clear that he’s way more into this than me. I told him I wanted to take it slow. He agreed, but now wants to go away on a weekend trip. He texted me yesterday that his dad had mentioned something about having a guest for Christmas (!). His musical instrument is his only hobby; it seems like I’m his main focus outside of work and that’s making me really uneasy because I value my independence and want a partner who doesn’t need to be in constant communication. When we’re together the conversation flows OK, but he also tends to repeat himself.

Honestly I just think he doesn’t have a lot going on and I’m finding that pretty off-putting. On the other hand, I don’t think that’s totally fair to him because it’s not like I have a whole lot of things going on with my life, either, so it seems rude to hold him to a different standard. Maybe I’m just making excuses because I’m not that into him? I also think he’s pretty blind-sided by the sex at this point. From his perspective I know it’s great for him. For me, it’s just OK. It’s improving slowly, but I feel pretty meh about our sex life overall.

This is the first time I’m dating after taking a long hiatus and he’s only the 2nd person I’ve gone out with. A part of me thinks I should be stoked that I found someone right away who’s also interested in a relationship. Another part of me thinks I should keep looking for someone more compatible. But then again I’ve been around the dating block in this city many times before and I’m not sure I really want get back out there. But on the other hand, I don’t completely hate dating and it might be nice to meet some other people before choosing a person to settle down with.

I’m going to talk to him next time we hang out and address these concerns, but at this point, I feel like it should be a break-up conversation rather than a, “These are my concerns; what do you think?” conversation.

Advice?

Submitted April 14, 2019 at 10:53PM

Hey DoT. Sorry for the long post, but I’m trying to figure out if I want to stop seeing this guy or ask him to slow his roll. If I’m not 100% into him now, is continuing to see him a lost cause and should I just break it off or should I tell him my concerns and see what he says?Been dating this guy for about 4-5 weeks. He went hard on the text messaging from day 1. We talked on the phone for a couple hours the day after we matched on OKC and had a good convo despite my protestations about talking on the phone. The “Good morning” texts started the next day even before we met, and haven’t let up since. I actually posted on a weekly thread before our first date that I wasn’t sure about him because there was just so much texting. At first it was quality getting to know you stuff, but lately it’s just aggressively boring.However, our first date went well, and we do have some significant compatibilities and things I really like about him—no kids/don’t want kids; he’s very caring, open, honest, communicative; we have similar diets; I like his face; he actually wants a relationship. So I’ve been kinda rolling with it. I did tell him we need to scale back the texting during work hours and he understood and thanked me for letting him know. So, he does listen and is willing to change, which is great. But at this point I feel like I’d be asking him to change a lot for me, and I don’t think it’s fair to him.We’re pretty different people — he’s like 39 going on 60, and I’m like 39 going on 27. I like new music, going out dancing/seeing live music, watching entertainment from this century, fucking around on Reddit and Twitter. He’s into playing his instrument, listening to mostly bands from the 60s, and watching East German documentaries. He doesn’t listen to any new music or watch any new TV shows. At first I thought, well, that’s OK, he’s quirky; if we both liked all the same things that would be boring. But now I just really don’t think we have much in common to sustain a long-term relationship, which is what I know we both want.It’s becoming clear that he’s way more into this than me. I told him I wanted to take it slow. He agreed, but now wants to go away on a weekend trip. He texted me yesterday that his dad had mentioned something about having a guest for Christmas (!). His musical instrument is his only hobby; it seems like I’m his main focus outside of work and that’s making me really uneasy because I value my independence and want a partner who doesn’t need to be in constant communication. When we’re together the conversation flows OK, but he also tends to repeat himself.Honestly I just think he doesn’t have a lot going on and I’m finding that pretty off-putting. On the other hand, I don’t think that’s totally fair to him because it’s not like I have a whole lot of things going on with my life, either, so it seems rude to hold him to a different standard. Maybe I’m just making excuses because I’m not that into him? I also think he’s pretty blind-sided by the sex at this point. From his perspective I know it’s great for him. For me, it’s just OK. It’s improving slowly, but I feel pretty meh about our sex life overall.This is the first time I’m dating after taking a long hiatus and he’s only the 2nd person I’ve gone out with. A part of me thinks I should be stoked that I found someone right away who’s also interested in a relationship. Another part of me thinks I should keep looking for someone more compatible. But then again I’ve been around the dating block in this city many times before and I’m not sure I really want get back out there. But on the other hand, I don’t completely hate dating and it might be nice to meet some other people before choosing a person to settle down with.I’m going to talk to him next time we hang out and address these concerns, but at this point, I feel like it should be a break-up conversation rather than a, “These are my concerns; what do you think?” conversation.Advice?