I, [16F] having doubts about my relationship with my boyfriend, [17M], it's been a little over a year but I am worried about his mental health and I would appreciate any advice

TL;DR @ bottom, this is really long, I'm sorry

My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over a year, one year and one month, to be exact, and suddenly I'm having doubts about this whole thing. In the typical exhilaration of high school relationships, you promise to be together forever (or maybe you don't, I don't know), mushy romance stuff and all that jazz.

We're developed a really lovely and close relationship that I feel, for our age, we're lucky to have and have managed to get over bumps such as his tendency for ego boosting white lies and responsibility and I'm very proud of him for being able to do so. He's had a hard past with his abusive father.

Naturally I was infatuated with him and even now I love him very much but I am having doubts if we should stay together or not.

An explanation of my train of thought:

1. Something just doesn't sit quite right with me. I love him and I love our relationship but at the same time I feel like I want to be free; a relationship is, as I've come to learn, time consuming and far more exhausting than your typical rom com makes it seem (this happens to be both of our first relationship). This relationship is practically the closest thing to being my dream come true and yet...

2. I have trouble trusting him when he talks about certain things just because they don't seem plausible. I previously mentioned that we got over his tendency to lie about things but I know he still does sometimes and I haven't confronted him for fear of an argument where he'll continuously deny it even though I know he's lying. He's done it before and I suppose I am scared of confrontation and that we'll get into an argument and end upset because he won't admit to his lie when I know it is one. This has happened before.

   They are pretty unique lies. Once, he claimed he was flying to New York to get heart surgery or something (he has POTS, GERD, ADHD, some other things I don't remember and also, once again, somewhat doubt). He called me to tell me he was getting on the plane, blah blah blah, finally, I found out the reality was that he drove to a hospital near us for a routine checkup. Another time he claimed he flew to Korea for somea super secret JROTC thing, that was bullshit too. He went as far as to play me recordings of pilots speaking in Korean about airplane protocols over call to convince me. I know now they were to impress me, but I'm not completely over the fact that's he'd go so far to see such dumb lies.

3. His tendency to spend money. According to him, he's heir to millions (which I'm a little iffy on, see above), but I am certain that at least he's from a more affluent background than I am, given his love to spend on technology. Recently he bought an ebike for $1500, and now wants to buy a boosted board for $1000. I'm fairly conservative and way more cautious about these things and I'm also concerned about his safety. He wants to ride it on the road, and, in the scenario of getting hit by a car, the bikes gonna absorb a lot more impact than a skateboard. I have a tendency to worry overly about things and that he's hellbent on buying this skateboard that he really doesn't need (he also can drive and has a bus pass) and wanting to ride it on busy streets concerns me.

4. I feel as if I am privy to only one side of him. The sweet, loving, goofy side that he is, whom I love dearly. This isn't a problem except for the fact that to most other people he acts and sounds somewhat like a presumptuous douchebag due to his social anxiety and remnants of an over inflated ego. That one kid in middle school that always lied about having things and so on and so forth to seem cool and was really just cringey as hell? Yeah, that was my boyfriend at a point in his life and while he's improved, it's still bothersome. I love who he is but I don't like the way he acts outside of our private interactions or ones with close family and friends whom he feels comfortable being himself around. I don't know how to help correct it though.

5. People keep telling me I'm to good for him (too pretty/smart/considerate/whatever) , which obviously doesn't help my doubts any. I believe mostly that it's because they experience his more socially awkward and egotistical side, but what if I'm wrong and they're right? If I'm happy, am I just settling?

6. His mental health. If we do break up at some point, or if I decide we need to now, I am very concerned that it would throw him into depression or suicide. He used to be before and I could see it coming back. A while ago we thought we might have to break up because of extenuating circumstances and it made him very depressed for days, lots of crying and possibly dangerous thoughts. I know he loves me but I'm concerned about that type of attachment. I'm one of those people who is strongly affected by the emotions of people close to them and his reaction also had a bad effect on me.

Which brings wondering if this is normal to have doubts like these, and if it is if I should push on and try to continue our relationship or break it off, and if I do need to break it off, how should I do it without jeapoardizing his safety and/or mine. I feel awful for doubting the person that I love so much but here I am anyway.

TL;DR: Having doubts about relationship despite really loving this person, things that seem small but I don't know if I can get over, do I try to get over it or not, worried about our mental health if I break it off, what do?

Submitted April 06, 2019 at 07:10AM

TL;DR @ bottom, this is really long, I'm sorryMy boyfriend and I have been dating a little over a year, one year and one month, to be exact, and suddenly I'm having doubts about this whole thing. In the typical exhilaration of high school relationships, you promise to be together forever (or maybe you don't, I don't know), mushy romance stuff and all that jazz.We're developed a really lovely and close relationship that I feel, for our age, we're lucky to have and have managed to get over bumps such as his tendency for ego boosting white lies and responsibility and I'm very proud of him for being able to do so. He's had a hard past with his abusive father.Naturally I was infatuated with him and even now I love him very much but I am having doubts if we should stay together or not.An explanation of my train of thought:Something just doesn't sit quite right with me. I love him and I love our relationship but at the same time I feel like I want to be free; a relationship is, as I've come to learn, time consuming and far more exhausting than your typical rom com makes it seem (this happens to be both of our first relationship). This relationship is practically the closest thing to being my dream come true and yet...I have trouble trusting him when he talks about certain things just because they don't seem plausible. I previously mentioned that we got over his tendency to lie about things but I know he still does sometimes and I haven't confronted him for fear of an argument where he'll continuously deny it even though I know he's lying. He's done it before and I suppose I am scared of confrontation and that we'll get into an argument and end upset because he won't admit to his lie when I know it is one. This has happened before.They are pretty unique lies. Once, he claimed he was flying to New York to get heart surgery or something (he has POTS, GERD, ADHD, some other things I don't remember and also, once again, somewhat doubt). He called me to tell me he was getting on the plane, blah blah blah, finally, I found out the reality was that he drove to a hospital near us for a routine checkup. Another time he claimed he flew to Korea for somea super secret JROTC thing, that was bullshit too. He went as far as to play me recordings of pilots speaking in Korean about airplane protocols over call to convince me. I know now they were to impress me, but I'm not completely over the fact that's he'd go so far to see such dumb lies.His tendency to spend money. According to him, he's heir to millions (which I'm a little iffy on, see above), but I am certain that at least he's from a more affluent background than I am, given his love to spend on technology. Recently he bought an ebike for $1500, and now wants to buy a boosted board for $1000. I'm fairly conservative and way more cautious about these things and I'm also concerned about his safety. He wants to ride it on the road, and, in the scenario of getting hit by a car, the bikes gonna absorb a lot more impact than a skateboard. I have a tendency to worry overly about things and that he's hellbent on buying this skateboard that he really doesn't need (he also can drive and has a bus pass) and wanting to ride it on busy streets concerns me.I feel as if I am privy to only one side of him. The sweet, loving, goofy side that he is, whom I love dearly. This isn't a problem except for the fact that to most other people he acts and sounds somewhat like a presumptuous douchebag due to his social anxiety and remnants of an over inflated ego. That one kid in middle school that always lied about having things and so on and so forth to seem cool and was really just cringey as hell? Yeah, that was my boyfriend at a point in his life and while he's improved, it's still bothersome. I love who he is but I don't like the way he acts outside of our private interactions or ones with close family and friends whom he feels comfortable being himself around. I don't know how to help correct it though.People keep telling me I'm to good for him (too pretty/smart/considerate/whatever) , which obviously doesn't help my doubts any. I believe mostly that it's because they experience his more socially awkward and egotistical side, but what if I'm wrong and they're right? If I'm happy, am I just settling?His mental health. If we do break up at some point, or if I decide we need to now, I am very concerned that it would throw him into depression or suicide. He used to be before and I could see it coming back. A while ago we thought we might have to break up because of extenuating circumstances and it made him very depressed for days, lots of crying and possibly dangerous thoughts. I know he loves me but I'm concerned about that type of attachment. I'm one of those people who is strongly affected by the emotions of people close to them and his reaction also had a bad effect on me.Which brings wondering if this is normal to have doubts like these, and if it is if I should push on and try to continue our relationship or break it off, and if I do need to break it off, how should I do it without jeapoardizing his safety and/or mine. I feel awful for doubting the person that I love so much but here I am anyway.TL;DR: Having doubts about relationship despite really loving this person, things that seem small but I don't know if I can get over, do I try to get over it or not, worried about our mental health if I break it off, what do?