How do I tell my best friend that I’m in love with him?

As the title says...I (26F) am absolutely and wholeheartedly in love with my best friend (28M), but here’s the kicker...I have a boyfriend.

Now hear me out. I already know I need to break up with my boyfriend, and I do have plans of doing so really soon. But here’s the backstory and current situation...

My friend and I met a few years ago. We somewhat “dated” and there weren’t sparks, so that thought kind of fizzled quickly. We kept in touch here and there, and then out of the blue we started talking again all the time, but this time without the pressure of dating. He’s now usually the first and last person I text every day, and what I look forward to the most. Rarely is it ever flirtatious (continue reading for the only conversation exception), but it’s usually genuine concern for each other’s wellbeing (i.e. “I hope you’re doing well”, “I’m here to talk”, etc...you know, things you’d expect any friend to say to another). As the communication between us got stronger, so did my feelings for him. I have truly seen him for all that he is, and I am absolutely in awe of him and even a little intimidated by his accomplishments. I just look at him and I see someone with no flaws, but he seems to think he’s full of them.

Fast forward a few years, and I get a text along the lines of “I’ll always be there for you no matter what I have to do”. This was extremely odd behavior for him. He’s the type to be extremely supportive, but without blatantly coming out and saying it. The conversation didn’t last long as he’s not the type to ever speak his true feelings. But in that short exchange he said a little bit more about how he wished we could hang out more or that I should have stayed the night after one of our hangouts a while back (which is even more unusual for him to say these things). I was single at the time it was all said, but I did push away a bit because it was weird for me to process or even think of dating my best friend. When I pushed back a little, he sensed it and backed off. Now, all of our conversations have gone back to being friendly, and I fear I may have missed my chance.

It has been roughly a year since that conversation, and I feel like I am so ready to be with him. But I don’t get the same feeling back anymore, but I think it’s just because he probably took my hesitancy as rejection. He also has plans of moving out of state very soon with no intentions of returning which makes it very difficult because I can’t leave. So even if I did confess my true feelings to him, it wouldn’t matter. And if we magically do cross that line into a relationship, I’m scared that something will happen and we can never go back. So I risk losing the person I care about most in the process when I could be perfectly content just having him in my life as a friend.

As for my current boyfriend.....this is a very new relationship. I’m talking a few weeks as official bf/gf kind of new. Not that the length truly matters, but he is unfortunately an accidental casualty since I wasn’t able to realize my feelings for my best friend sooner before we made things official. I truly tried so hard to get back out into dating and I felt like if I was focused on someone else, that my feelings would go away. So I finally met someone worth my time and worth making it official with. But weeks into it, I’m realizing I think about being with my best friend non stop and that’s absolutely unfair to my boyfriend which is why I must end it. Even if my best friend and I don’t end up together, I have to end things with the BF just to do right by him.

Should I risk an incredible friendship for love or just sit idly by with the one I love but without being in love?

Submitted April 06, 2019 at 08:47AM

As the title says...I (26F) am absolutely and wholeheartedly in love with my best friend (28M), but here’s the kicker...I have a boyfriend.Now hear me out. I already know I need to break up with my boyfriend, and I do have plans of doing so really soon. But here’s the backstory and current situation...My friend and I met a few years ago. We somewhat “dated” and there weren’t sparks, so that thought kind of fizzled quickly. We kept in touch here and there, and then out of the blue we started talking again all the time, but this time without the pressure of dating. He’s now usually the first and last person I text every day, and what I look forward to the most. Rarely is it ever flirtatious (continue reading for the only conversation exception), but it’s usually genuine concern for each other’s wellbeing (i.e. “I hope you’re doing well”, “I’m here to talk”, etc...you know, things you’d expect any friend to say to another). As the communication between us got stronger, so did my feelings for him. I have truly seen him for all that he is, and I am absolutely in awe of him and even a little intimidated by his accomplishments. I just look at him and I see someone with no flaws, but he seems to think he’s full of them.Fast forward a few years, and I get a text along the lines of “I’ll always be there for you no matter what I have to do”. This was extremely odd behavior for him. He’s the type to be extremely supportive, but without blatantly coming out and saying it. The conversation didn’t last long as he’s not the type to ever speak his true feelings. But in that short exchange he said a little bit more about how he wished we could hang out more or that I should have stayed the night after one of our hangouts a while back (which is even more unusual for him to say these things). I was single at the time it was all said, but I did push away a bit because it was weird for me to process or even think of dating my best friend. When I pushed back a little, he sensed it and backed off. Now, all of our conversations have gone back to being friendly, and I fear I may have missed my chance.It has been roughly a year since that conversation, and I feel like I am so ready to be with him. But I don’t get the same feeling back anymore, but I think it’s just because he probably took my hesitancy as rejection. He also has plans of moving out of state very soon with no intentions of returning which makes it very difficult because I can’t leave. So even if I did confess my true feelings to him, it wouldn’t matter. And if we magically do cross that line into a relationship, I’m scared that something will happen and we can never go back. So I risk losing the person I care about most in the process when I could be perfectly content just having him in my life as a friend.As for my current boyfriend.....this is a very new relationship. I’m talking a few weeks as official bf/gf kind of new. Not that the length truly matters, but he is unfortunately an accidental casualty since I wasn’t able to realize my feelings for my best friend sooner before we made things official. I truly tried so hard to get back out into dating and I felt like if I was focused on someone else, that my feelings would go away. So I finally met someone worth my time and worth making it official with. But weeks into it, I’m realizing I think about being with my best friend non stop and that’s absolutely unfair to my boyfriend which is why I must end it. Even if my best friend and I don’t end up together, I have to end things with the BF just to do right by him.Should I risk an incredible friendship for love or just sit idly by with the one I love but without being in love?