Becoming uncertain and disinterested

I'm more of a lurker here, but wanted some feedback about a situation I'm in. So, figured I would post.

Long story short: I'm a female, 33 and dating a male, 31. We met and chatted on Reddit back around the middle of February because I made a post about how I would be moving to the other side of the US for a job and was looking to meet people and potentially date. We hit it off pretty well from the start. He messaged me and I replied, we messaged back and forth for days, talked on the phone almost every day for a month. Then, around the beginning of March, I went out to visit his area because I had to wrap up a job offer. We spent a week together and it was awesome. He treated me to these fun and engaging adventures around the city, we had really great conversations and we bonded really well (yes, there was sexy times offered, and I obliged. I wanted it as well). We're both people who like to invest in building a relationship with one person, so that made things even better. We connected in person better than we did online and on the phone. I was excited to be moving to the area and he couldn't wait for me to arrive. I will make this note: When we first started talking, he had been unemployed. Before I moved, he found a job with an awesome company. I moved to the area around the middle of last month.

Now, I live here and quite frankly, it's been a bit lackluster. We barely see each other. I work but my hours and commute are reasonable. He does as well, but his commute is horrid. He travels 1.5 hours to work and the same to get back home. When we do meet, it's mostly to just eat a somewhat late dinner (typically out where he can have a drink, as I don't drink very often), have sex and then we sleep/he goes home. He has other activities that he partakes in, which is cool, but it's like a routine. He has to do these things, otherwise he feels unaccomplished. I respect that and try not to impose on that routine. Yet, what has made me start to question this relationship is that he mentioned during dinner one day that he was trying to figure out how to "put" me into his routine, but has not had time to truly focus on that. Which, to be honest, made me feel as if I'm some chore.

Maybe I'm expecting too much right now (I'm also divorced and have had long-term relationships since), but I feel as if he's just not putting in the effort to get out of the dating stage. Dating seems convenient at this moment for him, considering his commute and other commitments he has made. I will also mention that there was an unexpected outburst of annoyance he made towards me a few weeks ago, and it left me very shaken. We discussed it and he apologized for it, but I've noticed that I haven't been fully comfortable with him since. I'm planning to tell him that, but we won't be meeting again until 3 days from now because of his other obligations, because that's when he could "fit me in." I find myself becoming disinterested in him and because of that outburst, somewhat distant. I don't want that to happen, but I'm also wondering if it's even worth continuing. Any advice or feedback would be helpful, and I'm willing to provide more context as requested.

Submitted May 17, 2019 at 08:48PM

I'm more of a lurker here, but wanted some feedback about a situation I'm in. So, figured I would post.Long story short: I'm a female, 33 and dating a male, 31. We met and chatted on Reddit back around the middle of February because I made a post about how I would be moving to the other side of the US for a job and was looking to meet people and potentially date. We hit it off pretty well from the start. He messaged me and I replied, we messaged back and forth for days, talked on the phone almost every day for a month. Then, around the beginning of March, I went out to visit his area because I had to wrap up a job offer. We spent a week together and it was awesome. He treated me to these fun and engaging adventures around the city, we had really great conversations and we bonded really well (yes, there was sexy times offered, and I obliged. I wanted it as well). We're both people who like to invest in building a relationship with one person, so that made things even better. We connected in person better than we did online and on the phone. I was excited to be moving to the area and he couldn't wait for me to arrive. I will make this note: When we first started talking, he had been unemployed. Before I moved, he found a job with an awesome company. I moved to the area around the middle of last month.Now, I live here and quite frankly, it's been a bit lackluster. We barely see each other. I work but my hours and commute are reasonable. He does as well, but his commute is horrid. He travels 1.5 hours to work and the same to get back home. When we do meet, it's mostly to just eat a somewhat late dinner (typically out where he can have a drink, as I don't drink very often), have sex and then we sleep/he goes home. He has other activities that he partakes in, which is cool, but it's like a routine. He has to do these things, otherwise he feels unaccomplished. I respect that and try not to impose on that routine. Yet, what has made me start to question this relationship is that he mentioned during dinner one day that he was trying to figure out how to "put" me into his routine, but has not had time to truly focus on that. Which, to be honest, made me feel as if I'm some chore.Maybe I'm expecting too much right now (I'm also divorced and have had long-term relationships since), but I feel as if he's just not putting in the effort to get out of the dating stage. Dating seems convenient at this moment for him, considering his commute and other commitments he has made. I will also mention that there was an unexpected outburst of annoyance he made towards me a few weeks ago, and it left me very shaken. We discussed it and he apologized for it, but I've noticed that I haven't been fully comfortable with him since. I'm planning to tell him that, but we won't be meeting again until 3 days from now because of his other obligations, because that's when he could "fit me in." I find myself becoming disinterested in him and because of that outburst, somewhat distant. I don't want that to happen, but I'm also wondering if it's even worth continuing. Any advice or feedback would be helpful, and I'm willing to provide more context as requested.