To be direct or not to be

---Long post warning, needed to get it all out---

Tldr: broke up, been heart broken for 2 months, but there's potential of me really liking someone but it's complicated to see if there's anything there because she's in Mexico and I'm in northern US. Also I can't tell by what she writes if she's even interested or not

I was recently broken up with after living together with her for 3 years. I wouldn't say we were fighting all the time or anything like that. She couldn't see herself marrying me and thought that after 3 years of living with me and not feeling that way, that she probably wasn't really in love. So she moved out and broke my heart. I've been having a hell of a time getting over it. It's what I wake up thinking about, think about all day at work, and then fall asleep thinking about it, it really sucks. We are pretty differe t in the way we are. She is very logical and emotionless, and I'm more of a romantic and emotional person. She never really displayed loved how I needed. But I remember during the relationship I always kinda knew she wasn't madly in love with me. As shitty as this sounds, I always just figured, well I'll stay with her until I find someone better. She had threatened to leave a few times before so I was already trying to figure out my next move. Regardless, when it actually happened I was kinda devastated. This is the backstory for some context of where I'm at now.

What this post is really about is the following. The first girl I ever fell for was when I was 12 😂. I was on a cruise, she was 15. We had a great time but didn't meet until the last night and this was before social media was a thing. A big problem is she is Mexican and I live in the US. So that would obviously never work. Fast forward like 15 yrs, I reconnect with her somehow after I find her on Social Media. I think I found her after a different bad break up. And we would talk once every few months, I think it was always me reaching out. I always tried kinda flirting via text on FB. But one day she mentioned that if I did come to visit she wanted it to be for the right reasons, she was kinda dating this guy and didn't want me getting the wrong message from her. I knew it was time to move on and that it wouldn't work out.

Fast forward another couple of years and I'm dating my most recent gf. But things are a lil wavy and I start getting scared I'm gonna get left. We are very different people and a little part of me always also thought we aren't right for each ofher. But there's always problems in any relationship so I didn't know how much was ok and how much should be a move on indicator. In the back of my mind though I was still always curious about this Mexican girl. Every picture I saw of her just made me feel like she was such a good match. She's very family oriented and always has the biggest smile and I'm very attracted to her. I thought it was time I needed to get it out of my head of me questioning if she was somehow the right girl for me and I would never know if I didn't meet her. I wanted to prove she wasn't so I could go back to not wondering and be happy with my gf. So my gf and I go to Mexico City, on a trip and we meet her. Now is this kinda screwed up, yes. Was it gonna help me sleep at night, yes. Would my gf care if I left her for this girl, ummm maybe but I don't actually think she would hurt (again she's not an emotional person and we had talked about breaking up a time or two).

We go to Mexico, I find reasons to not be in love with the Mexican girl and I get relief. I'm still very attracted to her but she didn't seem as interested in seeing me as I had hoped. She only met us twice and then went on her own little trip but that was fine cause I was in Mexico to see other people too.

Fast forward another year and a half. I'm broken up for 1-2 months and I start talking to this Mexican girl again. One thing to note, is that shes horrible at communicating, I don't know if it's because a lack of interest or she really is that bad and forgetful. I find out she's going on a trip to Europe and Africa. I invite her to come to my hometown to see a diff side of the US other than NYC. Her first response was, I'll have to see how expensive tickets are etc. I thought damn, she's not interested. She also doesn't really ask to many questions of me and I'm always the one to reach out. Then again, she doesn't really know me and were more social media friends than anything. So I look up ticket prices and it's actually pretty cheap and I send them to her, I was basically testing if she would come up with a diff excuse, it meant she wasn't interested but is too polite to turn me down. But to my surprise she said that she thinks she could make that work. I felt extactic for a few hours until I went home and remembered that I really missed my ex and that she left me.

Problem with the Mexican girl is that she wouldn't come until later this year, and a lot can happen in that time frame. She could start dating someone, or I could and that could mess everything up. So I tried coming up with a way to see her sooner. I figured if I just have a few days with her before she goes in her several months trip, maybe we could fall for each other and then she can come see me and it would be much better. I would regret not having told her that I was interested in getting to know her for potential dating reasons. But I can't do it over the internet because we barely know each other and I think it would just come off as creepy. So I put out another feeler. I said, I have the chance to go to LA, México City (where she lives), and Cancun in May. Would you at all be interested in meeting me in Cancun? I was expecting a big no, after I had told her last time that she can just be direct if she didn't want to. Her response to this one was, I'll have to see the dates to know if I can make that work or not. Couldn't tell if it was a soft no or if for real she just needed to check the dates. It's been a couple of days and still no response after I gave her the dates. This isn't out of the ordinary for her response times, sometimes it takes a week or two or for me to remind her. If she says no, not sure what I should do. I want to see her because I need to know if there's something. I think when I met her twice in Mexico I convinced myself that to find whatever was wrong with her so to not think there might be something there anymore while I was with my gf. But what if there is now...I have to see. And what if she just wasn't flirty with me in Mexico because I was with my gf. So many variables at play. If she says no to Cancun should I fly to Mexico City to see her or is that really creepy? But I don't want to risk not telling her that I'm interested in her for many months. She is about 31 and I'm 29. At 31 I feel like she could get swept away by any other guy and I fear missing out on that opportunity. Also I can't live with the suspense if how she answers to Cancun. Also I should note, my sister and her family are going to Cancun which is why I felt safer throwing that option out because now it doesn't sound like I'm only going for her. I don't want to seem too interested and weird her out because again...we don't really know each other that well.

If you made it this far, you get a gold medal!!!

Submitted April 17, 2019 at 01:16PM

---Long post warning, needed to get it all out---Tldr: broke up, been heart broken for 2 months, but there's potential of me really liking someone but it's complicated to see if there's anything there because she's in Mexico and I'm in northern US. Also I can't tell by what she writes if she's even interested or notI was recently broken up with after living together with her for 3 years. I wouldn't say we were fighting all the time or anything like that. She couldn't see herself marrying me and thought that after 3 years of living with me and not feeling that way, that she probably wasn't really in love. So she moved out and broke my heart. I've been having a hell of a time getting over it. It's what I wake up thinking about, think about all day at work, and then fall asleep thinking about it, it really sucks. We are pretty differe t in the way we are. She is very logical and emotionless, and I'm more of a romantic and emotional person. She never really displayed loved how I needed. But I remember during the relationship I always kinda knew she wasn't madly in love with me. As shitty as this sounds, I always just figured, well I'll stay with her until I find someone better. She had threatened to leave a few times before so I was already trying to figure out my next move. Regardless, when it actually happened I was kinda devastated. This is the backstory for some context of where I'm at now.What this post is really about is the following. The first girl I ever fell for was when I was 12 😂. I was on a cruise, she was 15. We had a great time but didn't meet until the last night and this was before social media was a thing. A big problem is she is Mexican and I live in the US. So that would obviously never work. Fast forward like 15 yrs, I reconnect with her somehow after I find her on Social Media. I think I found her after a different bad break up. And we would talk once every few months, I think it was always me reaching out. I always tried kinda flirting via text on FB. But one day she mentioned that if I did come to visit she wanted it to be for the right reasons, she was kinda dating this guy and didn't want me getting the wrong message from her. I knew it was time to move on and that it wouldn't work out.Fast forward another couple of years and I'm dating my most recent gf. But things are a lil wavy and I start getting scared I'm gonna get left. We are very different people and a little part of me always also thought we aren't right for each ofher. But there's always problems in any relationship so I didn't know how much was ok and how much should be a move on indicator. In the back of my mind though I was still always curious about this Mexican girl. Every picture I saw of her just made me feel like she was such a good match. She's very family oriented and always has the biggest smile and I'm very attracted to her. I thought it was time I needed to get it out of my head of me questioning if she was somehow the right girl for me and I would never know if I didn't meet her. I wanted to prove she wasn't so I could go back to not wondering and be happy with my gf. So my gf and I go to Mexico City, on a trip and we meet her. Now is this kinda screwed up, yes. Was it gonna help me sleep at night, yes. Would my gf care if I left her for this girl, ummm maybe but I don't actually think she would hurt (again she's not an emotional person and we had talked about breaking up a time or two).We go to Mexico, I find reasons to not be in love with the Mexican girl and I get relief. I'm still very attracted to her but she didn't seem as interested in seeing me as I had hoped. She only met us twice and then went on her own little trip but that was fine cause I was in Mexico to see other people too.Fast forward another year and a half. I'm broken up for 1-2 months and I start talking to this Mexican girl again. One thing to note, is that shes horrible at communicating, I don't know if it's because a lack of interest or she really is that bad and forgetful. I find out she's going on a trip to Europe and Africa. I invite her to come to my hometown to see a diff side of the US other than NYC. Her first response was, I'll have to see how expensive tickets are etc. I thought damn, she's not interested. She also doesn't really ask to many questions of me and I'm always the one to reach out. Then again, she doesn't really know me and were more social media friends than anything. So I look up ticket prices and it's actually pretty cheap and I send them to her, I was basically testing if she would come up with a diff excuse, it meant she wasn't interested but is too polite to turn me down. But to my surprise she said that she thinks she could make that work. I felt extactic for a few hours until I went home and remembered that I really missed my ex and that she left me.Problem with the Mexican girl is that she wouldn't come until later this year, and a lot can happen in that time frame. She could start dating someone, or I could and that could mess everything up. So I tried coming up with a way to see her sooner. I figured if I just have a few days with her before she goes in her several months trip, maybe we could fall for each other and then she can come see me and it would be much better. I would regret not having told her that I was interested in getting to know her for potential dating reasons. But I can't do it over the internet because we barely know each other and I think it would just come off as creepy. So I put out another feeler. I said, I have the chance to go to LA, México City (where she lives), and Cancun in May. Would you at all be interested in meeting me in Cancun? I was expecting a big no, after I had told her last time that she can just be direct if she didn't want to. Her response to this one was, I'll have to see the dates to know if I can make that work or not. Couldn't tell if it was a soft no or if for real she just needed to check the dates. It's been a couple of days and still no response after I gave her the dates. This isn't out of the ordinary for her response times, sometimes it takes a week or two or for me to remind her. If she says no, not sure what I should do. I want to see her because I need to know if there's something. I think when I met her twice in Mexico I convinced myself that to find whatever was wrong with her so to not think there might be something there anymore while I was with my gf. But what if there is now...I have to see. And what if she just wasn't flirty with me in Mexico because I was with my gf. So many variables at play. If she says no to Cancun should I fly to Mexico City to see her or is that really creepy? But I don't want to risk not telling her that I'm interested in her for many months. She is about 31 and I'm 29. At 31 I feel like she could get swept away by any other guy and I fear missing out on that opportunity. Also I can't live with the suspense if how she answers to Cancun. Also I should note, my sister and her family are going to Cancun which is why I felt safer throwing that option out because now it doesn't sound like I'm only going for her. I don't want to seem too interested and weird her out because again...we don't really know each other that well.If you made it this far, you get a gold medal!!!