My lack of romantic experience is worrisome to me...

Yeah, just typing that out makes me cringe. As a 33/m, the longest I dated a girl was for nine months when I was nineteen, and that was in college, mainly focused on enjoying mutual activities such as constant hooking up whenever and wherever we could. It never got to a serious point where "I love you's" were exchanged. Since then, I've only had one night stands, which I can count on one hand. At my age, it scares me that I haven't fundamentally connected romantically with a woman.

So far, I didn't really put myself out there much in my life. I made attempts to date through both free and paid dating apps/sites, but those potential dates flaked out before meeting or the conversations otherwise fizzled. I honestly didn't even get hardly any matches on Tinder or OK Cupid. The matches that I did get were women who I didn't feel were physically attractive. I think it would be very difficult for me to date a woman who I wasn't physically attracted to. I'm beginning to believe that online dating isn't something that pans out very well for me for some reason. Maybe my profile and/or photos aren't good and so I don't get many matches? Or I'm ugly and don't realize it?

I'm currently in Asia studying Chinese at a university. I had a kind of boring career back home that I left behind. I sold everything back home to take a chance on experiencing excitement and adventure. I've got about 250k in cash and 125k in retirement. I'm mobile with few possessions and can go anywhere I want in the world. I've got a non-prestigious yet OK MBA. My physical health is good and I'm in decent shape. I enjoy learning languages, spending time outdoors, and reading. I feel like on paper I should feel happy. But I would honestly trade all my money to experience love and a connection with a soul mate. I realize that some guys might envy my position, but the grass is not as green as it might seem on my side.

Getting to this point has raised some serious introspection in my mind about where I'm going in life. I think it's healthy to want connection but you should be happy by yourself first. (There is a difference between loneliness and being OK with being alone.) I suppose I've been comfortable enough being alone but there is a discomfort creeping in because it's sort of involuntary at this point. I suppose I feel like I could be defective because of my lack of relationship experience. I had a bad relationship with my mother growing up. She exhibits what I would term borderline personality traits and cast me as a horrible son and has said numerous times that she wishes she never had me and my sister. I'm looking into therapy to get over that. What would you recommend for me? Any books you would recommend?

Submitted April 18, 2019 at 01:43AM

Yeah, just typing that out makes me cringe. As a 33/m, the longest I dated a girl was for nine months when I was nineteen, and that was in college, mainly focused on enjoying mutual activities such as constant hooking up whenever and wherever we could. It never got to a serious point where "I love you's" were exchanged. Since then, I've only had one night stands, which I can count on one hand. At my age, it scares me that I haven't fundamentally connected romantically with a woman.So far, I didn't really put myself out there much in my life. I made attempts to date through both free and paid dating apps/sites, but those potential dates flaked out before meeting or the conversations otherwise fizzled. I honestly didn't even get hardly any matches on Tinder or OK Cupid. The matches that I did get were women who I didn't feel were physically attractive. I think it would be very difficult for me to date a woman who I wasn't physically attracted to. I'm beginning to believe that online dating isn't something that pans out very well for me for some reason. Maybe my profile and/or photos aren't good and so I don't get many matches? Or I'm ugly and don't realize it?I'm currently in Asia studying Chinese at a university. I had a kind of boring career back home that I left behind. I sold everything back home to take a chance on experiencing excitement and adventure. I've got about 250k in cash and 125k in retirement. I'm mobile with few possessions and can go anywhere I want in the world. I've got a non-prestigious yet OK MBA. My physical health is good and I'm in decent shape. I enjoy learning languages, spending time outdoors, and reading. I feel like on paper I should feel happy. But I would honestly trade all my money to experience love and a connection with a soul mate. I realize that some guys might envy my position, but the grass is not as green as it might seem on my side.Getting to this point has raised some serious introspection in my mind about where I'm going in life. I think it's healthy to want connection but you should be happy by yourself first. (There is a difference between loneliness and being OK with being alone.) I suppose I've been comfortable enough being alone but there is a discomfort creeping in because it's sort of involuntary at this point. I suppose I feel like I could be defective because of my lack of relationship experience. I had a bad relationship with my mother growing up. She exhibits what I would term borderline personality traits and cast me as a horrible son and has said numerous times that she wishes she never had me and my sister. I'm looking into therapy to get over that. What would you recommend for me? Any books you would recommend?