Nine months of ‘are we or aren’t we?’ vs. three months of ‘hell yes we are!’

This relates to some of the posts I’ve been seeing lately about ‘he’s just not that into you’. I just wanted to share my experience recently. This is the difference between a guy who’s just leading you on, keeping you as a back-up but who isn’t keen enough to give you any indication about where your relationship is heading and a guy who’s 100% into you.

I met someone on tinder 12 months ago. There was instant chemistry and we started spending time together sporadically. He was always very clear about his situation and his inability to commit to anything serious, yet he also made it very clear he wanted to keep me around. He was constantly telling me how special, beautiful and amazing I was and how much he loved spending time with me, yet he rarely asked me out and he was terrible at replying to my messages. He was often late to dates and communication in between was sparse. However whenever we got together it was incredible. The sex was better than anything I’d had before and our conversations were deep and open. He often talked about a future together when other circumstances in his life settled down. He told me he could see himself falling for me. He said all the right things, yet his actions never matched his words. I knew he was breadcrumbing me constantly but I was so addicted to the sex that I put up with it. Eventually I decided I didn’t want to hang onto something that was so unpredictable so I stopped contacting him but every now and then I still get a message from him just checking in and saying hi. I think he still wants to keep me as an option for just in case I’m single again down the track. Then just after the new year I met someone in the real world that absolutely floored me. At first he said the same thing- that he wasn’t looking for a relationship and circumstances in his life mean he doesn’t want commitment. So at first I was still communicating with both guys, open to whatever happened with either of them. But with guy number two he called me everyday, asked to see me frequently, texted that he missed me, adored me, wanted me etc. He invited me over often and cooked for me, brought me little gifts, massaged my feet after a hard day at work, ran me hot baths when I was sore and achey, took an interest in my friends and family and career. And a month or two after we met he made it clear he only wanted to see me and he was beginning to fall in love. Now it’s been more than 3 months and it’s wonderful. We are exclusive and in love and have both concluded that we don’t want anyone else ever. With him I feel respected, admired, considered, appreciated and loved. He seeks me out when he’s having a bad day, I’m the first he calls if he’s had something good happen, he asks for my advice about things and clearly respects my opinion. This is the way you are supposed to feel in relationships. Not anxious, uncertain and unimportant like I used to feel with the last guy.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my experience to hopefully reiterate to some of you the ‘fuck yes!, or no’ concept. I can see now that I was never a fuck yes with the first guy and after 9 months of vagueness I was never going to be. I knew in a very short time I was a definite fuck yes with guy number two and man it feels good!

Submitted April 18, 2019 at 05:22AM

This relates to some of the posts I’ve been seeing lately about ‘he’s just not that into you’. I just wanted to share my experience recently. This is the difference between a guy who’s just leading you on, keeping you as a back-up but who isn’t keen enough to give you any indication about where your relationship is heading and a guy who’s 100% into you.I met someone on tinder 12 months ago. There was instant chemistry and we started spending time together sporadically. He was always very clear about his situation and his inability to commit to anything serious, yet he also made it very clear he wanted to keep me around. He was constantly telling me how special, beautiful and amazing I was and how much he loved spending time with me, yet he rarely asked me out and he was terrible at replying to my messages. He was often late to dates and communication in between was sparse. However whenever we got together it was incredible. The sex was better than anything I’d had before and our conversations were deep and open. He often talked about a future together when other circumstances in his life settled down. He told me he could see himself falling for me. He said all the right things, yet his actions never matched his words. I knew he was breadcrumbing me constantly but I was so addicted to the sex that I put up with it. Eventually I decided I didn’t want to hang onto something that was so unpredictable so I stopped contacting him but every now and then I still get a message from him just checking in and saying hi. I think he still wants to keep me as an option for just in case I’m single again down the track. Then just after the new year I met someone in the real world that absolutely floored me. At first he said the same thing- that he wasn’t looking for a relationship and circumstances in his life mean he doesn’t want commitment. So at first I was still communicating with both guys, open to whatever happened with either of them. But with guy number two he called me everyday, asked to see me frequently, texted that he missed me, adored me, wanted me etc. He invited me over often and cooked for me, brought me little gifts, massaged my feet after a hard day at work, ran me hot baths when I was sore and achey, took an interest in my friends and family and career. And a month or two after we met he made it clear he only wanted to see me and he was beginning to fall in love. Now it’s been more than 3 months and it’s wonderful. We are exclusive and in love and have both concluded that we don’t want anyone else ever. With him I feel respected, admired, considered, appreciated and loved. He seeks me out when he’s having a bad day, I’m the first he calls if he’s had something good happen, he asks for my advice about things and clearly respects my opinion. This is the way you are supposed to feel in relationships. Not anxious, uncertain and unimportant like I used to feel with the last guy.Anyway, I just wanted to share my experience to hopefully reiterate to some of you the ‘fuck yes!, or no’ concept. I can see now that I was never a fuck yes with the first guy and after 9 months of vagueness I was never going to be. I knew in a very short time I was a definite fuck yes with guy number two and man it feels good!