Last relationship killed my fetish? Need help?

Hello reddit I'm a gay (24M) and I come to you for advice about something, sorry for any errors, english is not my 1st language

​

I have (had) a hardwired fat fetish, I can't conceive having sex (or even a romantic relationship) with another guy if he is not downright fat/obese, and I'm also into gaining, meaning I want to get fat myself, and it gets me really going.

First off, I have some emotional issues I'm working on because my last relationship was terrible and left me feeling like shit, before I met him I had no problem with my fetish and was happy with the choices I was making, fast forward, I got my ex into the fetish and he gained around 50 lbs in a year period, it was great but as the relationship went forward he became a really toxic person and would often use my fetish to try and get me back with him.

Around 6 months ago or so I finally broke up, feeling like shit and whatnot, and since then my fetish just feels off?

Like I can see fat/gainer porn and I get hard and jerk off but for some reason it feels really off? I dont feel the adrenaline I used to feel when watching it before, It's more like I do it out of habit.

I don't feel happy about my body anymore, I even started exercising and dieting in hopes of losing weight, but at the same time I'm conscious about my body and I just know that if I end up being skinny again (I was fit like 8 years ago) I won't enjoy sex and I won't like my body image and will fall deeper into depression.

I also have the feeling however that it was ruining me, and my life was driven purely by it, everytime I saw an attractive guy my immediate tought was "That guy would be so much hotter if he put 100+ pounds on", I used to eat junk food all the time and just liked being lazy all around, I recall liking the feeling, but now I just think about it and think it was kind of bad.

At the same time, I still dont find average/slim/fit/muscled guys attractive, my body or feelings don't react to them, my dick still gets hard when seeing a fat guy but my feelings feel really off about it, like it is wrong to like this.

So... I guess my question is did my last relationship ruin my fetish? will it come back? is it gone for good? Am I into the asexual spectrum now? Is it good I dont have this fetish anymore?

​

EDIT: Forgot to mention, I'm starting therapy with a psychologyst next week How soon should I tell him all of this?



Submitted April 18, 2019 at 06:30AM

Hello reddit I'm a gay (24M) and I come to you for advice about something, sorry for any errors, english is not my 1st language​I have (had) a hardwired fat fetish, I can't conceive having sex (or even a romantic relationship) with another guy if he is not downright fat/obese, and I'm also into gaining, meaning I want to get fat myself, and it gets me really going.First off, I have some emotional issues I'm working on because my last relationship was terrible and left me feeling like shit, before I met him I had no problem with my fetish and was happy with the choices I was making, fast forward, I got my ex into the fetish and he gained around 50 lbs in a year period, it was great but as the relationship went forward he became a really toxic person and would often use my fetish to try and get me back with him.Around 6 months ago or so I finally broke up, feeling like shit and whatnot, and since then my fetish just feels off?Like I can see fat/gainer porn and I get hard and jerk off but for some reason it feels really off? I dont feel the adrenaline I used to feel when watching it before, It's more like I do it out of habit.I don't feel happy about my body anymore, I even started exercising and dieting in hopes of losing weight, but at the same time I'm conscious about my body and I just know that if I end up being skinny again (I was fit like 8 years ago) I won't enjoy sex and I won't like my body image and will fall deeper into depression.I also have the feeling however that it was ruining me, and my life was driven purely by it, everytime I saw an attractive guy my immediate tought was "That guy would be so much hotter if he put 100+ pounds on", I used to eat junk food all the time and just liked being lazy all around, I recall liking the feeling, but now I just think about it and think it was kind of bad.At the same time, I still dont find average/slim/fit/muscled guys attractive, my body or feelings don't react to them, my dick still gets hard when seeing a fat guy but my feelings feel really off about it, like it is wrong to like this.So... I guess my question is did my last relationship ruin my fetish? will it come back? is it gone for good? Am I into the asexual spectrum now? Is it good I dont have this fetish anymore?​EDIT: Forgot to mention, I'm starting therapy with a psychologyst next week How soon should I tell him all of this?
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