Interesting weekend..feel lied to and misled.

This might end up being a rant or just a story i want to get off my chest. Sorry in advance. This just happened this past weekend.

  • Me: Mid 30s living on the west coast. Never married
  • Her: 30 yr old living UT. Previously married.
  • Met through dating app fall of last year and been chatting(text, phone, video chat)
  • She originally lived on the east coast when we first started conversing but had moved to UT when her family had bought a motel a few months back.

For the most part, things had been going well. Conversations and all that have been good. We had been talking about meeting up and finally did it this past weekend. I flew to her state about 3-4 hours away.

There was a somewhat tense situation a month or two ago where her family wanted her to be with a guy of a certain caste(we are both indian) and she had gotten distant to the point where i asked her if she still wanted to talk. things ended up going back to normal where we talked normally and she wanted me to come see her.. the only other red flag that i can think of was her willingness to move to my state if things worked out. she agreed, then took it back, then was open to it again(i made sure she was open to it before i was willing to make the trip to see her)

Fast forward to this weekend. We met up on a saturday, things seemed to be going well. We went to the mall, had dinner, etc. she seemed to be having a good time. at dinner, she mentioned about her hesitancy to moving to my state bc she didnt know what she would do if she moved to my state(we had already talked about this the past). then she dropped the bombshell after we went our separate ways for the night. the top of height came up and she ended up telling me even though i was great guy, she couldnt see herself with someone whose shorter or as tall as her. to be clear she knew how tall i was(it was on my profile) and didnt seem to have an issue with the whole time we were talking. i just felt very hurt by it. all those months of talking, connecting, to be disposed of because of something as shallow as my height. i told her that was really shallow and she agreed and apologized. i dont know if it was bs excuse because she didnt want to move to my state and had to find another excuse. i had asked her to meet me face to face on sunday so we could talk about it but she said it didnt make sense for her to come(she was about 30 min from where i was staying) since it wasnt going to work b/w us.

she gave me the usual im a great guy and i will find someone who will be great for me when the time comes and to enjoy the rest of my stay in the state.

i just felt very hurt by it, manipulated by her, misled. if she didnt want to move, then why tell me she was open to it. i get she went back and forth with it but based on our last conversation about it (prior to the dinner this weekend) was she said she was open to it. I feel like i just wasted 5 months for nothing. on top of that she wasnt considerate enough to come meet me and talk about it on sunday. kept making excuses that she was busy with family even though the night before, she had talked about making plans for sunday for us. i just felt like i wasted my time.

she tried messaging me later sunday evening about asking if i had eaten(does it matter?), if i was mad (really?) and questioned that i had unmatched with her on the dating app we had met on(why does it matter if she doesnt see it working) i could have snapped back at her with some snarky comments but decided the best thing was not to respond at all. Not even sure if theres anything left to say to her at this point.

at this point, i just feel i dont have a lot of trust with women, everything is still kinda raw. maybe i was too trusting and took her word for it only to be lied to.

Not sure if i am really looking for any advice here just wanted to get it off my chest. thanks for reading.



Submitted April 09, 2019 at 02:23AM

This might end up being a rant or just a story i want to get off my chest. Sorry in advance. This just happened this past weekend.Me: Mid 30s living on the west coast. Never marriedHer: 30 yr old living UT. Previously married.Met through dating app fall of last year and been chatting(text, phone, video chat)She originally lived on the east coast when we first started conversing but had moved to UT when her family had bought a motel a few months back.For the most part, things had been going well. Conversations and all that have been good. We had been talking about meeting up and finally did it this past weekend. I flew to her state about 3-4 hours away.There was a somewhat tense situation a month or two ago where her family wanted her to be with a guy of a certain caste(we are both indian) and she had gotten distant to the point where i asked her if she still wanted to talk. things ended up going back to normal where we talked normally and she wanted me to come see her.. the only other red flag that i can think of was her willingness to move to my state if things worked out. she agreed, then took it back, then was open to it again(i made sure she was open to it before i was willing to make the trip to see her)Fast forward to this weekend. We met up on a saturday, things seemed to be going well. We went to the mall, had dinner, etc. she seemed to be having a good time. at dinner, she mentioned about her hesitancy to moving to my state bc she didnt know what she would do if she moved to my state(we had already talked about this the past). then she dropped the bombshell after we went our separate ways for the night. the top of height came up and she ended up telling me even though i was great guy, she couldnt see herself with someone whose shorter or as tall as her. to be clear she knew how tall i was(it was on my profile) and didnt seem to have an issue with the whole time we were talking. i just felt very hurt by it. all those months of talking, connecting, to be disposed of because of something as shallow as my height. i told her that was really shallow and she agreed and apologized. i dont know if it was bs excuse because she didnt want to move to my state and had to find another excuse. i had asked her to meet me face to face on sunday so we could talk about it but she said it didnt make sense for her to come(she was about 30 min from where i was staying) since it wasnt going to work b/w us.she gave me the usual im a great guy and i will find someone who will be great for me when the time comes and to enjoy the rest of my stay in the state.i just felt very hurt by it, manipulated by her, misled. if she didnt want to move, then why tell me she was open to it. i get she went back and forth with it but based on our last conversation about it (prior to the dinner this weekend) was she said she was open to it. I feel like i just wasted 5 months for nothing. on top of that she wasnt considerate enough to come meet me and talk about it on sunday. kept making excuses that she was busy with family even though the night before, she had talked about making plans for sunday for us. i just felt like i wasted my time.she tried messaging me later sunday evening about asking if i had eaten(does it matter?), if i was mad (really?) and questioned that i had unmatched with her on the dating app we had met on(why does it matter if she doesnt see it working) i could have snapped back at her with some snarky comments but decided the best thing was not to respond at all. Not even sure if theres anything left to say to her at this point.at this point, i just feel i dont have a lot of trust with women, everything is still kinda raw. maybe i was too trusting and took her word for it only to be lied to.Not sure if i am really looking for any advice here just wanted to get it off my chest. thanks for reading.
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