How do you get back into dating in your 30s (32F) and keep men from wasting your time (who just want sex, no commitment, etc)?

32yo F having to get back into dating after 3 years of a manipulative, lie-filled, broken promise soaked relationship. I want my “partner” as everyone does. I want kids and marriage. I’ve got my life all sorted out. I own a house, I have a dog, good degree and a career.

I’m not ready to date yet but what do you do to stay out of those situations where it’s just a hook up or not clean cut situation. It’s an internet world and I tend to meet people more from online than in real life (everyone I know is married and I work in a heavy female populated profession). I hate when I waste time seeing or dating someone only for them to say they don’t want a relationship or just want to hook up blah blah. In the same breath, I don’t want to sound like the baby/marriage hungry stereotypical female.

I want the cards on the table like hey this is what I want so don’t waste my time but without sounding like a psycho. I just wasted 3 years with someone who supposedly wanted to settle down and do all of those things with me. It was all a wild goose chase. I’ve never had anything tear me down like that relationship. I don’t want to get stuck in that cycle again with someone new.

I guess I’m not even sure what I’m asking. I’m just really heart broken and lost. I’ve had abusive boyfriends, I’ve had boyfriends who just kind of pulled away and then suddenly dumped me. I’ve had boyfriends who Ive left or dumped. But I’ve never had someone who said they wanted X,Y,Z with you (and you’re at a normal stage age to do it) and never follow through. It’s so cruel.

Example: We were away together for my birthday, well more like he took me along on a business trip with him. We had drinks and were laying in bed tipsy and talking. He “slipped” and said he was going to propose on NYE. My birthday is the end of November. We had been together 2 years at this point. I was secretly so excited and a little bummed he spoiled it (jk). I really was so excited.

New Years Eve came and went. He never proposed. It fucking broke my heart. We broke up over it and other failed commitments and in an desperate attempt to get me back, he bought a ring. Still didn’t propose. Almost like a “here it is, the proof”. This was a couple months later, I had refused to talk to him. We were also supposed to move in together that January as well. He got the ring to show me he got the ring. I didn’t want the ring because I felt I deserved it. I thought that’s what we were doing, Planning a life together and doing what couples do. I was never the type to be like I want to be engaged, you better propose. I figured he’d do it when he wanted, and since he brought it up, he must want to. Why would you tell a girl you’re doing that and then don’t.

Oh, and he did it again. This past summer, we got back together. He made this big thing that “I want us to be engaged and Living together and have a baby in you by Christmas”. Same thing. Got excited for a proposal maybe around my birthday again. Nope. Christmas. Nope. NYE. Nope. I was like ok maybe we’ll do the moving in together part first. That also didn’t happen.

I just blows my mind. Why would someone say those things? And I know the ring exists, I’ve seen it. Why buy an engagement ring but flake On everything, in the same way he’s flaked the entire relationship. Lengthy post I know but seriously if anyone can help explain WHY a man would do that. I sincerely don’t get it. I think that’s why I kept getting sucked in. The promise of he’ll do better and make a better effort. He would for a month or so, until something we planned together came up. Like a broken record

Submitted April 09, 2019 at 02:20AM

32yo F having to get back into dating after 3 years of a manipulative, lie-filled, broken promise soaked relationship. I want my “partner” as everyone does. I want kids and marriage. I’ve got my life all sorted out. I own a house, I have a dog, good degree and a career.I’m not ready to date yet but what do you do to stay out of those situations where it’s just a hook up or not clean cut situation. It’s an internet world and I tend to meet people more from online than in real life (everyone I know is married and I work in a heavy female populated profession). I hate when I waste time seeing or dating someone only for them to say they don’t want a relationship or just want to hook up blah blah. In the same breath, I don’t want to sound like the baby/marriage hungry stereotypical female.I want the cards on the table like hey this is what I want so don’t waste my time but without sounding like a psycho. I just wasted 3 years with someone who supposedly wanted to settle down and do all of those things with me. It was all a wild goose chase. I’ve never had anything tear me down like that relationship. I don’t want to get stuck in that cycle again with someone new.I guess I’m not even sure what I’m asking. I’m just really heart broken and lost. I’ve had abusive boyfriends, I’ve had boyfriends who just kind of pulled away and then suddenly dumped me. I’ve had boyfriends who Ive left or dumped. But I’ve never had someone who said they wanted X,Y,Z with you (and you’re at a normal stage age to do it) and never follow through. It’s so cruel.Example: We were away together for my birthday, well more like he took me along on a business trip with him. We had drinks and were laying in bed tipsy and talking. He “slipped” and said he was going to propose on NYE. My birthday is the end of November. We had been together 2 years at this point. I was secretly so excited and a little bummed he spoiled it (jk). I really was so excited.New Years Eve came and went. He never proposed. It fucking broke my heart. We broke up over it and other failed commitments and in an desperate attempt to get me back, he bought a ring. Still didn’t propose. Almost like a “here it is, the proof”. This was a couple months later, I had refused to talk to him. We were also supposed to move in together that January as well. He got the ring to show me he got the ring. I didn’t want the ring because I felt I deserved it. I thought that’s what we were doing, Planning a life together and doing what couples do. I was never the type to be like I want to be engaged, you better propose. I figured he’d do it when he wanted, and since he brought it up, he must want to. Why would you tell a girl you’re doing that and then don’t.Oh, and he did it again. This past summer, we got back together. He made this big thing that “I want us to be engaged and Living together and have a baby in you by Christmas”. Same thing. Got excited for a proposal maybe around my birthday again. Nope. Christmas. Nope. NYE. Nope. I was like ok maybe we’ll do the moving in together part first. That also didn’t happen.I just blows my mind. Why would someone say those things? And I know the ring exists, I’ve seen it. Why buy an engagement ring but flake On everything, in the same way he’s flaked the entire relationship. Lengthy post I know but seriously if anyone can help explain WHY a man would do that. I sincerely don’t get it. I think that’s why I kept getting sucked in. The promise of he’ll do better and make a better effort. He would for a month or so, until something we planned together came up. Like a broken record