2nd chance or break it off?

(WARNING LONG POST) I (19F) have been dating this guy (19M) for about five months and in the beginning things were pretty good. It was a long distance relationship but both of us were willing to work with it. We talked on the phone and texted a lot, we would watch videos and listen to music online together, and he took extra steps to say good morning to me and let me know how much he cares about me. However, he suffers from depression and I do too. Over time, he eventually fell into a pit of not being motivated and empty. I was there for him and said I will wait for him to get better, but it did hurt me as he didn’t want to talk to me about his feelings and stopped talking to me as often as he did.

I went to visit him for spring break but he was still in his mood. I thought that if I arrived then it would be at least a little bit better. Well, he showed up at the airport high which disappointed me. I’m 4/20 friendly but this was our first time seeing each other in real life and he showed up high.

I let it go and we were dropped off at an Airbnb. Most of the time I was there he was playing video games and not paying much attention to me unless he wanted a kiss or to get a little frisky. I’m not a super touchy-feely person for my own reasons but it wasn’t like I was uncomfortable with it. But I wished that he spent time with me just because he wanted to chill and not expect anything back in return. And when I did get uncomfortable and deny him some affection, he put up this “neglected girlfriend” act as he called it. Pouted and sighed loudly and being over dramatic and wouldn’t talk to me because he thought it was just “funny”.

Later that week we went to the movies and he invited his friend to come along. I was hoping that this would be a movie date but that’s just not how it worked I guess. Before the movie, he said that he wanted to get high as well. I said no without thinking and he asked persistently “Why not?” To which I was afraid to admit that I thought that he didn’t think I was worthy of spending time with sober or something along those lines. It was our first meeting and I cared about his happiness over mine at the time so I bit my tongue.

On the second to last day I was supposed to leave, he asked if he could go hang with his friends. I said sure but I was so sad that he wanted to hang with his friends despite the fact that his girlfriend was visiting town and leaving soon. He left and I broke down. I told him to not come back to the room since I needed to think for the night. He walked in on me crying, packed up his stuff, said that I knew that he wasn’t feeling motivated prior to me showing up, and left.

The next day he made me homemade candles and took me out to dinner where we talked and I told him that I needed someone that can grow with me and try their own best at being better, not just hoping it will past or not make any effort. He essentially explained why that stuff doesn’t work for him and there’s no point but he will try for me.

I left and he texted that he was going to clean his room and later said that he was going to enroll in community college. Slowly he was starting to talk to me more often but I still didn’t feel the happiest I could be. I kept thinking about how bad I felt during my week being with him and if that’s what I deserve or not. There are also other things that make me feel uncomfortable that he does or have raised some alarms for me. This person expressed that he wanted to be with me for forever before and now and he seems genuine but I just wasn’t sure if I could live with him for forever based on that week together.

We had a little debate two days ago which ended abruptly and leaving me feeling terrible and I eventually confessed that I needed a break from the relationship. A break to focus on my last semester of school, to fix my mental health, and increase my happiness for myself before addressing our possible future. He wasn’t thrilled and said “This shit happens to me where people need a break and they come back and they are still struggling but nothing is the same between us” and said that my pain won’t go away and I think passive aggressively said “good luck” and that was that. I sent him a list of reasons why I’m doing this to better explain myself but I got no response.

Can’t say I didn’t try. Anyways, I reconnected with my parents that have promised to help me with any mental health things I need, began eating better, focused on my hobbies that I have neglected and focusing on school. I already feel better already and I truly do believe that I deserve the best and the most happiness in my life and I understand that if someone toxic is preventing me from being happy or growing deliberately or not then I should let them go. I should always put myself first. I’m priority number one.

So the question is is that when I do come back and ready to talk and decide our options, should I give him another chance after explaining everything, or explain everything and then break up?

Submitted April 09, 2019 at 07:05AM

(WARNING LONG POST) I (19F) have been dating this guy (19M) for about five months and in the beginning things were pretty good. It was a long distance relationship but both of us were willing to work with it. We talked on the phone and texted a lot, we would watch videos and listen to music online together, and he took extra steps to say good morning to me and let me know how much he cares about me. However, he suffers from depression and I do too. Over time, he eventually fell into a pit of not being motivated and empty. I was there for him and said I will wait for him to get better, but it did hurt me as he didn’t want to talk to me about his feelings and stopped talking to me as often as he did.I went to visit him for spring break but he was still in his mood. I thought that if I arrived then it would be at least a little bit better. Well, he showed up at the airport high which disappointed me. I’m 4/20 friendly but this was our first time seeing each other in real life and he showed up high.I let it go and we were dropped off at an Airbnb. Most of the time I was there he was playing video games and not paying much attention to me unless he wanted a kiss or to get a little frisky. I’m not a super touchy-feely person for my own reasons but it wasn’t like I was uncomfortable with it. But I wished that he spent time with me just because he wanted to chill and not expect anything back in return. And when I did get uncomfortable and deny him some affection, he put up this “neglected girlfriend” act as he called it. Pouted and sighed loudly and being over dramatic and wouldn’t talk to me because he thought it was just “funny”.Later that week we went to the movies and he invited his friend to come along. I was hoping that this would be a movie date but that’s just not how it worked I guess. Before the movie, he said that he wanted to get high as well. I said no without thinking and he asked persistently “Why not?” To which I was afraid to admit that I thought that he didn’t think I was worthy of spending time with sober or something along those lines. It was our first meeting and I cared about his happiness over mine at the time so I bit my tongue.On the second to last day I was supposed to leave, he asked if he could go hang with his friends. I said sure but I was so sad that he wanted to hang with his friends despite the fact that his girlfriend was visiting town and leaving soon. He left and I broke down. I told him to not come back to the room since I needed to think for the night. He walked in on me crying, packed up his stuff, said that I knew that he wasn’t feeling motivated prior to me showing up, and left.The next day he made me homemade candles and took me out to dinner where we talked and I told him that I needed someone that can grow with me and try their own best at being better, not just hoping it will past or not make any effort. He essentially explained why that stuff doesn’t work for him and there’s no point but he will try for me.I left and he texted that he was going to clean his room and later said that he was going to enroll in community college. Slowly he was starting to talk to me more often but I still didn’t feel the happiest I could be. I kept thinking about how bad I felt during my week being with him and if that’s what I deserve or not. There are also other things that make me feel uncomfortable that he does or have raised some alarms for me. This person expressed that he wanted to be with me for forever before and now and he seems genuine but I just wasn’t sure if I could live with him for forever based on that week together.We had a little debate two days ago which ended abruptly and leaving me feeling terrible and I eventually confessed that I needed a break from the relationship. A break to focus on my last semester of school, to fix my mental health, and increase my happiness for myself before addressing our possible future. He wasn’t thrilled and said “This shit happens to me where people need a break and they come back and they are still struggling but nothing is the same between us” and said that my pain won’t go away and I think passive aggressively said “good luck” and that was that. I sent him a list of reasons why I’m doing this to better explain myself but I got no response.Can’t say I didn’t try. Anyways, I reconnected with my parents that have promised to help me with any mental health things I need, began eating better, focused on my hobbies that I have neglected and focusing on school. I already feel better already and I truly do believe that I deserve the best and the most happiness in my life and I understand that if someone toxic is preventing me from being happy or growing deliberately or not then I should let them go. I should always put myself first. I’m priority number one.So the question is is that when I do come back and ready to talk and decide our options, should I give him another chance after explaining everything, or explain everything and then break up?