What's your definition of love?

Married 14 years. My faith has changed quite a lot recently, and as a result, I no longer believe that I am obligated to remain married unless my husband is abusive or unfaithful.

My husband says that this means I don't love him. That love is committment, and committment means that divorce is simply not an option ever, no matter how miserable a person is or for how long. He says that he will never feel really happy with me unless he can have the security of knowing that I am "committed" to him according to his definition of committment. He says that he believes that this is the point of marriage; the security that the marriage vows provide, and being able to know for sure that your spouse will never leave.

Of course I agree that committment is a big part of marriage, and an important aspect of marital love. But to me, committment means sticking it out through rough times and putting in the effort to make the relationship better, not promising to stay forever, no matter what.

Love...I am struggling to figure out what my own definition of it is. And that is why I would like to hear what others think. I think it includes caring deeply for another person and wanting what is best for them, feeling affection for them (not 100% of the time but often), and being willing to prioritize their well-being above most things in my life, but not necessarily above my own well-being in the long run, probably.

Being in love, to me, is different, and isn't something I can expect to consistently experience in marriage, but I would like to feel it sometimes. That is more about warm ooey gooey feelings and desire.

What do you all think? How do you define love, especially in the context of marriage?

Submitted May 12, 2019 at 06:27PM

Married 14 years. My faith has changed quite a lot recently, and as a result, I no longer believe that I am obligated to remain married unless my husband is abusive or unfaithful.My husband says that this means I don't love him. That love is committment, and committment means that divorce is simply not an option ever, no matter how miserable a person is or for how long. He says that he will never feel really happy with me unless he can have the security of knowing that I am "committed" to him according to his definition of committment. He says that he believes that this is the point of marriage; the security that the marriage vows provide, and being able to know for sure that your spouse will never leave.Of course I agree that committment is a big part of marriage, and an important aspect of marital love. But to me, committment means sticking it out through rough times and putting in the effort to make the relationship better, not promising to stay forever, no matter what.Love...I am struggling to figure out what my own definition of it is. And that is why I would like to hear what others think. I think it includes caring deeply for another person and wanting what is best for them, feeling affection for them (not 100% of the time but often), and being willing to prioritize their well-being above most things in my life, but not necessarily above my own well-being in the long run, probably.Being in love, to me, is different, and isn't something I can expect to consistently experience in marriage, but I would like to feel it sometimes. That is more about warm ooey gooey feelings and desire.What do you all think? How do you define love, especially in the context of marriage?