Feeling so unappreciated

Throwaway account for privacy reasons.

So my husband 26M and I (28F) have been together 4 years, married for less than two months. Over the years I have felt unappreciated by him (especially after we moved in together 3 years ago), but honestly the last week or so it’s at another level,

Before you suggest communicating it, I have. Sometimes he says he’ll be better and others he says he doesn’t need me to do all the things I do for him (cook us dinner every weeknight and most weekends, prepare his breakfast for the week every Sunday, remember whose birthday is when etc.). I’ve even talked to him about mental load more than once and he’s basically blown it off. For context, we both work full time and part-time, and I make slightly more than he does.

I’ve tried stopping doing things for him so he can realize everything I do, and he does complain. For example, sometimes I won’t make his breakfast for the week because he chose not to eat it the prior week and it went bad or because he was acting ungrateful. Then he asks why I haven’t prepared it, and when I tell him he gets spiteful and blows our money on eating breakfast out.

So on to the most recent issue: today is Mother’s Day, and I planned our day so as To make both our moms happy while sticking to a reasonable budget (brunch was out of the question as taking his mom out would require we pay for 8 buffets due to his deadbeat family members).

I was pretty happy with myself. I called earlier this week to order a dozen heart-shaped donuts from a local bakery. We got cards and flowers for our moms yesterday. All I asked him to do was pick up the bagels at 9:30 this morning as I was grocery shopping for the week as well as picking up other supplies for our at-home brunch I’d planned to take to his mom’s (meeting up with my mom later).

He complained all weekend about having to get up early to do get the bagels. He did go though, so I thought today would be ok. Then, when I get out of the shower after returning home from my gym/grocery trip, I see I have 4 missed calls and angry texts saying they didn’t have our order and if I didn’t pick up he was coming home empty handed. I texted him back and went back to the bakery with him and eventually they somewhat fixed their error.

The whole ride there though he complained, saying how it was my fault for not placing an online order with proof and that we should have just gone out for brunch like everyone else and on and on. Eventually I started crying and apologized for trying to stick to our budget while making everyone happy for Mother’s Day. I told him I didn’t feel supported at all and he just say there silently, eventually saying that if I didn’t stop crying he would just wait in the car while I took care of the bagel issue.

Then he complained that all he wanted to do today was lay in bed or sit on the couch (it’s pouring and cold here). As if I invented Mother’s Day.

This is just one example, but it shows how thoughtless he is. If I didn’t think of his mom I would have been the bad guy. I can’t win. How can we move forward from this?

TLDR: Husband is ungrateful, which manifested today and I am really down about it.

Submitted May 12, 2019 at 06:07PM

Throwaway account for privacy reasons.So my husband 26M and I (28F) have been together 4 years, married for less than two months. Over the years I have felt unappreciated by him (especially after we moved in together 3 years ago), but honestly the last week or so it’s at another level,Before you suggest communicating it, I have. Sometimes he says he’ll be better and others he says he doesn’t need me to do all the things I do for him (cook us dinner every weeknight and most weekends, prepare his breakfast for the week every Sunday, remember whose birthday is when etc.). I’ve even talked to him about mental load more than once and he’s basically blown it off. For context, we both work full time and part-time, and I make slightly more than he does.I’ve tried stopping doing things for him so he can realize everything I do, and he does complain. For example, sometimes I won’t make his breakfast for the week because he chose not to eat it the prior week and it went bad or because he was acting ungrateful. Then he asks why I haven’t prepared it, and when I tell him he gets spiteful and blows our money on eating breakfast out.So on to the most recent issue: today is Mother’s Day, and I planned our day so as To make both our moms happy while sticking to a reasonable budget (brunch was out of the question as taking his mom out would require we pay for 8 buffets due to his deadbeat family members).I was pretty happy with myself. I called earlier this week to order a dozen heart-shaped donuts from a local bakery. We got cards and flowers for our moms yesterday. All I asked him to do was pick up the bagels at 9:30 this morning as I was grocery shopping for the week as well as picking up other supplies for our at-home brunch I’d planned to take to his mom’s (meeting up with my mom later).He complained all weekend about having to get up early to do get the bagels. He did go though, so I thought today would be ok. Then, when I get out of the shower after returning home from my gym/grocery trip, I see I have 4 missed calls and angry texts saying they didn’t have our order and if I didn’t pick up he was coming home empty handed. I texted him back and went back to the bakery with him and eventually they somewhat fixed their error.The whole ride there though he complained, saying how it was my fault for not placing an online order with proof and that we should have just gone out for brunch like everyone else and on and on. Eventually I started crying and apologized for trying to stick to our budget while making everyone happy for Mother’s Day. I told him I didn’t feel supported at all and he just say there silently, eventually saying that if I didn’t stop crying he would just wait in the car while I took care of the bagel issue.Then he complained that all he wanted to do today was lay in bed or sit on the couch (it’s pouring and cold here). As if I invented Mother’s Day.This is just one example, but it shows how thoughtless he is. If I didn’t think of his mom I would have been the bad guy. I can’t win. How can we move forward from this?TLDR: Husband is ungrateful, which manifested today and I am really down about it.