Concerned - Can't Keep Hard On & lack of sex appeal

So, I'm an 18M college freshmen and a month or so ago, I had my first kiss, BJ, and lost my virginity. Since, then I've had many more of such experiences, but the same problem has persisted.

A little background before I illustrate the problem: Growing up, I knew I was always straight (I did, and still do get a hard on for females when I find them attractive, and I do often feel attracted to females aesthetically. Problem is, and I'm being dead serious here (I'm honestly in just as much shock as you are), I've never had an actual, strong desire to masturbate, and as a result, I have never truly masturbated (I've forcefully tried a few times, but couldn't keep a hard on for more than a few minutes, and have never been able to finish). I really don't understand what I feel, but It seems as though I'm attracted to girls aesthetically, but not sexually, if that makes any sense. I guess sex just grosses me out still? Idk. When I see a hot girl, the kind of desire I feel is that I'm simply attracted to how they look, and crave for them to like/ be attracted to me, but I rarely, if ever think something like "God I wanna fuck her, etc."

With that said, I still can't find an urge to masturbate, and even worse, I can't even have sex. The three times I've tried (with the same girl, who I now feel comfortable with), I've lost my hard-on almost instantly after penetration. When she goes down on me, it feels good, but at the same time, it's like i'm subconsciously just bored/ waiting for it to be over. Not once have I ejaculated while being with her, and even when making out, which I do like a bit more, I don't feel crazy about.

I'm really, really pissed about this. How am I ever going to be able to give a girl pleasure in the sexual aspect of a relationship when I can't even have sex/ enjoy any of that? And it's not that I even want to accept it, I want to want to feel attracted sexually. I want to have a sex drive, but it's like it's nonexistent, and it's one of the worst feelings in the world.

Not sure if its nerves, the fact that I haven't had any sexual experiences until this past month and a half, or even the fact that I struggled with depression through most of puberty, and to a lesser extent, still do. Is it a mental thing? Am I fcking asexual ?(which there's nothing wrong with, I just personally don't want to be that).

I'm feeling extremely down about this. Just want to be like every other guy and enjoy/ feel pleasure in what people say is one of the most pleasurable feelings possible (sexual attraction/ desire). Not sure what to do.

And to make matters worse, I had recently gotten circumcised a few months ago, which has left me with even less sensitivity and an overall different feeling that I'm still getting used to (and some pain during sex/ BJ's). To be fair, I fully wanted the procedure and am happy with the results/ benefits, but it's still proven to be an obstacle.

TLDR: 18M in college, have basically never jacked off/ had the urge, and now that I'm having sexual relations w someone, I can't keep a hard on, somewhat don't really even enjoy it, and almost find it unappealing/ boring to an extent. Really distraught about this, I just want to have a normal, healthy sex drive.

What do I do? Is this in any way normal?

Submitted April 30, 2019 at 05:44AM

So, I'm an 18M college freshmen and a month or so ago, I had my first kiss, BJ, and lost my virginity. Since, then I've had many more of such experiences, but the same problem has persisted.A little background before I illustrate the problem: Growing up, I knew I was always straight (I did, and still do get a hard on for females when I find them attractive, and I do often feel attracted to females aesthetically. Problem is, and I'm being dead serious here (I'm honestly in just as much shock as you are), I've never had an actual, strong desire to masturbate, and as a result, I have never truly masturbated (I've forcefully tried a few times, but couldn't keep a hard on for more than a few minutes, and have never been able to finish). I really don't understand what I feel, but It seems as though I'm attracted to girls aesthetically, but not sexually, if that makes any sense. I guess sex just grosses me out still? Idk. When I see a hot girl, the kind of desire I feel is that I'm simply attracted to how they look, and crave for them to like/ be attracted to me, but I rarely, if ever think something like "God I wanna fuck her, etc."With that said, I still can't find an urge to masturbate, and even worse, I can't even have sex. The three times I've tried (with the same girl, who I now feel comfortable with), I've lost my hard-on almost instantly after penetration. When she goes down on me, it feels good, but at the same time, it's like i'm subconsciously just bored/ waiting for it to be over. Not once have I ejaculated while being with her, and even when making out, which I do like a bit more, I don't feel crazy about.I'm really, really pissed about this. How am I ever going to be able to give a girl pleasure in the sexual aspect of a relationship when I can't even have sex/ enjoy any of that? And it's not that I even want to accept it, I want to want to feel attracted sexually. I want to have a sex drive, but it's like it's nonexistent, and it's one of the worst feelings in the world.Not sure if its nerves, the fact that I haven't had any sexual experiences until this past month and a half, or even the fact that I struggled with depression through most of puberty, and to a lesser extent, still do. Is it a mental thing? Am I fcking asexual ?(which there's nothing wrong with, I just personally don't want to be that).I'm feeling extremely down about this. Just want to be like every other guy and enjoy/ feel pleasure in what people say is one of the most pleasurable feelings possible (sexual attraction/ desire). Not sure what to do.And to make matters worse, I had recently gotten circumcised a few months ago, which has left me with even less sensitivity and an overall different feeling that I'm still getting used to (and some pain during sex/ BJ's). To be fair, I fully wanted the procedure and am happy with the results/ benefits, but it's still proven to be an obstacle.TLDR: 18M in college, have basically never jacked off/ had the urge, and now that I'm having sexual relations w someone, I can't keep a hard on, somewhat don't really even enjoy it, and almost find it unappealing/ boring to an extent. Really distraught about this, I just want to have a normal, healthy sex drive.What do I do? Is this in any way normal?