No one can keep my interest. Dunno what my problem is.

Background: (29m), decent shape, semi-intelligent, apparently considered attractive (or so I'm told), yet hopelessly lonely.

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Scenario: I was out at a crowded bar with an old friend from out of town, catching up after not seeing him for several years. We're having a great time, drinks are flowing, and eventually we decide to go to another bar in the area. I step to the bar to close my tab. After getting my card back, I head towards the door with my people. I pass a girl at the bar, who says "I looove your hair". I get this a lot, I have long curly blonde hair, it gets some attention. I instinctively say "thank you" and continue out the door, without stopping or even slowing my pace. My friend gives me shit for the next half hour. Apparently the girl who commented on my hair was gorgeous, and looked very offended when I didn't stop to talk to her. I trust my friend's taste in women, but I literally can't remember her face. I don't think I even registered it in the first place. This is a situation that has happened continually for the last ten years.

I want intimacy, I want to be close to someone, but I've passed up more opportunities than I can count because I'm constantly preoccupied and to be honest, no one (even conventionally attractive people) seem to hold my interest for long, if at all. In the few longer term relationships I've been in, they inevitably go south because I get involved quickly, have an intense honeymoon period, and then lose all interest. I'm almost thirty years old, and I've never met someone that I had more than a passing physical interest in. It's gotten to the point where I don't even try to pursue people I'm attracted to because I know I'm eventually going to hurt them when I lose interest. I'm afraid I'm going to die alone. I look younger than I am, and I get a fair amount of attention because I don't look "typical", but that's not going to last forever, and I'm distinctly terrified that I won't meet anyone I can see myself staying with in the long term before I get visibly old and lose whatever physical appeal I currently have. My interest is only really caught by people who are intelligent and can hold a conversation, but even when there seems to be an intellectual spark, it either doesn't translate into physical attraction, or if it does, it never lasts. I don't know why I can't be satisfied with anyone. I know there's "lots of fish in the sea" and "I just haven't found the right one yet" and all that bullshit, but like. C'mon. This has been happening for the entirety of my dating life. It's getting very depressing, and I don't know how to fix it.

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TL;DR: I think I'm gonna die alone, because literally no one I've ever met has held my emotional or sexual interest for more than a matter of weeks or months. I spent a lot of time thinking it was other peoples' problems, but I'm starting to realize that I'm the one with the problem. Only I don't know how to fix it.

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Thoughts?

Submitted May 19, 2019 at 05:20AM

Background: (29m), decent shape, semi-intelligent, apparently considered attractive (or so I'm told), yet hopelessly lonely.​Scenario: I was out at a crowded bar with an old friend from out of town, catching up after not seeing him for several years. We're having a great time, drinks are flowing, and eventually we decide to go to another bar in the area. I step to the bar to close my tab. After getting my card back, I head towards the door with my people. I pass a girl at the bar, who says "I looove your hair". I get this a lot, I have long curly blonde hair, it gets some attention. I instinctively say "thank you" and continue out the door, without stopping or even slowing my pace. My friend gives me shit for the next half hour. Apparently the girl who commented on my hair was gorgeous, and looked very offended when I didn't stop to talk to her. I trust my friend's taste in women, but I literally can't remember her face. I don't think I even registered it in the first place. This is a situation that has happened continually for the last ten years.I want intimacy, I want to be close to someone, but I've passed up more opportunities than I can count because I'm constantly preoccupied and to be honest, no one (even conventionally attractive people) seem to hold my interest for long, if at all. In the few longer term relationships I've been in, they inevitably go south because I get involved quickly, have an intense honeymoon period, and then lose all interest. I'm almost thirty years old, and I've never met someone that I had more than a passing physical interest in. It's gotten to the point where I don't even try to pursue people I'm attracted to because I know I'm eventually going to hurt them when I lose interest. I'm afraid I'm going to die alone. I look younger than I am, and I get a fair amount of attention because I don't look "typical", but that's not going to last forever, and I'm distinctly terrified that I won't meet anyone I can see myself staying with in the long term before I get visibly old and lose whatever physical appeal I currently have. My interest is only really caught by people who are intelligent and can hold a conversation, but even when there seems to be an intellectual spark, it either doesn't translate into physical attraction, or if it does, it never lasts. I don't know why I can't be satisfied with anyone. I know there's "lots of fish in the sea" and "I just haven't found the right one yet" and all that bullshit, but like. C'mon. This has been happening for the entirety of my dating life. It's getting very depressing, and I don't know how to fix it.​TL;DR: I think I'm gonna die alone, because literally no one I've ever met has held my emotional or sexual interest for more than a matter of weeks or months. I spent a lot of time thinking it was other peoples' problems, but I'm starting to realize that I'm the one with the problem. Only I don't know how to fix it.​Thoughts?