My husband's job transfer is killing us. (Third shift advice?)

Hey all. So, my husband used to work 20 minutes from home- home by 3pm, but due to an impending plant closure, was transferred 1-1.5 hours away 5 or 6 days a week, on third shift. We are planning to move closer to work after the school year ends to lessen commute, but until then...

​

We have kids in all stages, so thankfully we have built in babysitters, but the once a week with him either falling asleep or up all night just isn't working. It's so incredibly lonely. He leaves after the kids are in bed and sleeps either until dinner, or later, depending on how late he stays up in the morning. It's just myself and the toddler most of the day, then me and kids all evening. On the days he's home, I get so excited to go to bed with him/wake up next to him to prevent a deadbedroom, but I end up going to bed alone, or he gets up in the middle of the night because he can't sleep (a lot of times, it's both). Needless to say, sex is rare these days as well. I am incredibly grateful he's still employed and I know none of this is his fault, but I am doing all the parenting and sitting alone at night.

​

"Enjoy your own company" is all the advice I keep getting, but seriously? I'm getting sick of myself lol. When he gets home he does his usual work venting, plays with our daughter, then off to bed. I resent every time he picks up his phone for a text, a game, to google. I used to be able to at least have small talk with my husband and now the conversations are pretty one sided and full of distractions for a couple hours a day, tops. He had said "Breakfast will be our thing", but that ended quickly with him going to bed because he's too tired.

​

He's my person. He's who I've gone to with anything for the last 7-8 years (even prior relationships/single days) with stupid little texts ranting about a crappy driver or coworker, or running into somebody at the store all day, anything. Now, he wakes up after dinner and says "what did I miss?"....ugh....everything?

​

Pity party over, does anybody have any advice for this schedule? How did you make things work?

Submitted May 01, 2019 at 04:28PM

Hey all. So, my husband used to work 20 minutes from home- home by 3pm, but due to an impending plant closure, was transferred 1-1.5 hours away 5 or 6 days a week, on third shift. We are planning to move closer to work after the school year ends to lessen commute, but until then...​We have kids in all stages, so thankfully we have built in babysitters, but the once a week with him either falling asleep or up all night just isn't working. It's so incredibly lonely. He leaves after the kids are in bed and sleeps either until dinner, or later, depending on how late he stays up in the morning. It's just myself and the toddler most of the day, then me and kids all evening. On the days he's home, I get so excited to go to bed with him/wake up next to him to prevent a deadbedroom, but I end up going to bed alone, or he gets up in the middle of the night because he can't sleep (a lot of times, it's both). Needless to say, sex is rare these days as well. I am incredibly grateful he's still employed and I know none of this is his fault, but I am doing all the parenting and sitting alone at night.​"Enjoy your own company" is all the advice I keep getting, but seriously? I'm getting sick of myself lol. When he gets home he does his usual work venting, plays with our daughter, then off to bed. I resent every time he picks up his phone for a text, a game, to google. I used to be able to at least have small talk with my husband and now the conversations are pretty one sided and full of distractions for a couple hours a day, tops. He had said "Breakfast will be our thing", but that ended quickly with him going to bed because he's too tired.​He's my person. He's who I've gone to with anything for the last 7-8 years (even prior relationships/single days) with stupid little texts ranting about a crappy driver or coworker, or running into somebody at the store all day, anything. Now, he wakes up after dinner and says "what did I miss?"....ugh....everything?​Pity party over, does anybody have any advice for this schedule? How did you make things work?