Frustrations with a Stay at Home Wife

I'm been frustrated lately with my wife's lack of effort at home. We're both 37years old. Three kids in school. She stays at home and does the cooking, cleaning, and soccer practice driving. I work 40+ hours at my day job, plus a 6-8hrs a week on a side-gig, plus renovation work on our 100+ year old house, plus maintenance and management of a rental house…all to make the finances work. Most evenings I'm also picking up after the kids, doing whatever cleaning didn't get done, and putting kids to bed.

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I'm tired.

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I love my wife. We get along. She's a good mother. Sex is great. Awesome chef. But the housework is falling apart while she's out shopping, going for walks, or doing her workouts (1hr plus every day!) while the kids at school. Anyone else in this boat? What have you done to help change behavior? We've talked about her getting a job, but she keeps saying she's really enjoying staying at home right now and being heavily involved in the kids' life. I get that, and it certainly makes our life easier, we don't have to pay for after school care, but it's hard on me. I can't continue to work as hard as I've been doing without a breakdown.

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I feel like, if she's going to stay at home, then she needs to take her duties at home seriously. When I'm behind at work, I don't take an hour off to go to the gym. I bust ass and get my work done, then I go to the gym. Is that too harsh? Likewise, she needs to respect my efforts making money and not expect me to help out with dishes, putting kids to bed, etc. If she worked a day job, I would see this very different. But that's not the case currently.

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Should we see a counselor? There's been a communication breakdown of late. I can't bring the topic up without her getting defensive.

Submitted May 01, 2019 at 08:46PM

I'm been frustrated lately with my wife's lack of effort at home. We're both 37years old. Three kids in school. She stays at home and does the cooking, cleaning, and soccer practice driving. I work 40+ hours at my day job, plus a 6-8hrs a week on a side-gig, plus renovation work on our 100+ year old house, plus maintenance and management of a rental house…all to make the finances work. Most evenings I'm also picking up after the kids, doing whatever cleaning didn't get done, and putting kids to bed.​I'm tired.​I love my wife. We get along. She's a good mother. Sex is great. Awesome chef. But the housework is falling apart while she's out shopping, going for walks, or doing her workouts (1hr plus every day!) while the kids at school. Anyone else in this boat? What have you done to help change behavior? We've talked about her getting a job, but she keeps saying she's really enjoying staying at home right now and being heavily involved in the kids' life. I get that, and it certainly makes our life easier, we don't have to pay for after school care, but it's hard on me. I can't continue to work as hard as I've been doing without a breakdown.​I feel like, if she's going to stay at home, then she needs to take her duties at home seriously. When I'm behind at work, I don't take an hour off to go to the gym. I bust ass and get my work done, then I go to the gym. Is that too harsh? Likewise, she needs to respect my efforts making money and not expect me to help out with dishes, putting kids to bed, etc. If she worked a day job, I would see this very different. But that's not the case currently.​Should we see a counselor? There's been a communication breakdown of late. I can't bring the topic up without her getting defensive.