Long distance marriage between me (35/f) and husband (40/m) might be at breaking point

My husband and I met about 5 years ago while on vacation. We’re citizens of different countries, but decided to date long distance. We’re really fortunate that we’ve been able to see each other pretty frequently over the years, but it’s been difficult to be apart for so long.

We decided to get married about 2 years ago. It was understood that once the immigration process was settled, that I’d move to his country. Because of his kids and job, he cannot move to mine. He’s been exceedingly patient (he is a great guy) but occasionally seems to resent me being so far away for a lot of reasons.

It’s been a lengthy immigration process, but it seems to be finally coming to an end. Since this process started, I’ve been promoted several times in my job, one I’d be giving up to move (I make more money than him). I’m trying really hard not to be angry or resentful about this, but Reddit, I am. I’ve worked really hard to get to where I am, and I’m upset about having to give it up.

I feel really guilty for feeling like this. I feel like I owe it to him after all this time to make the move, but at the expense of my life and career? He is wonderful and has been great to me, but has made it clear that he’s not interested in doing this long distance forever, and I can’t say I blame him. Help reddit!

TL;DR - moving to live with my husband (long distance) requires giving up my career.



Submitted November 03, 2019 at 12:06AM

My husband and I met about 5 years ago while on vacation. We’re citizens of different countries, but decided to date long distance. We’re really fortunate that we’ve been able to see each other pretty frequently over the years, but it’s been difficult to be apart for so long.We decided to get married about 2 years ago. It was understood that once the immigration process was settled, that I’d move to his country. Because of his kids and job, he cannot move to mine. He’s been exceedingly patient (he is a great guy) but occasionally seems to resent me being so far away for a lot of reasons.It’s been a lengthy immigration process, but it seems to be finally coming to an end. Since this process started, I’ve been promoted several times in my job, one I’d be giving up to move (I make more money than him). I’m trying really hard not to be angry or resentful about this, but Reddit, I am. I’ve worked really hard to get to where I am, and I’m upset about having to give it up.I feel really guilty for feeling like this. I feel like I owe it to him after all this time to make the move, but at the expense of my life and career? He is wonderful and has been great to me, but has made it clear that he’s not interested in doing this long distance forever, and I can’t say I blame him. Help reddit!TL;DR - moving to live with my husband (long distance) requires giving up my career.
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