I (22F) and my boyfriend (23M) don't feel the same about abortion

It's personal and I'm not sure who to ask so I thought I'd give this a go.

My boyfriend and I are currently long distance. We recently discussed our thoughts if I get pregnant from the times when we meet up, and found we had different opinions.

I don't want kids until we're together for good next year, but he said he couldn't handle me ever having an abortion. He says this because other people he's loved and dated got one, which destroyed the thing they created together out if love, and he can't go through that with someone he loves again. I almost cried on the phone when he told me how broken it made him feel. I don't want to hurt him, and I would never lie to him or go behind his back and secretly get an abortion, either.

I understood and agreed to not get one, because I love him, but now I feel a little manipulated or at least unsure. I don't want kids any time soon, but I'm serious with him so I want him to have a say in family planning. I'm not pregnant right now, but if I become pregnant and it's not the right time for me I feel like I should have enough bodily autonomy to control when I go through that. I also understand that it would be heartbreaking for him, and as I've never gotten an abortion, destroying something that could have been one of our kids is something I would hesitate at, too. It's of course all hypothetical, but we have a great relationship and very open communication so I like that we talk about these hard hitter questions.

I'm still mulling this all over in my mind, too.

TL;DR boyfriend and I have different opinions on abortion if I get pregnant, which is low possibility but still concerning.



Submitted November 03, 2019 at 12:06AM

It's personal and I'm not sure who to ask so I thought I'd give this a go.My boyfriend and I are currently long distance. We recently discussed our thoughts if I get pregnant from the times when we meet up, and found we had different opinions.I don't want kids until we're together for good next year, but he said he couldn't handle me ever having an abortion. He says this because other people he's loved and dated got one, which destroyed the thing they created together out if love, and he can't go through that with someone he loves again. I almost cried on the phone when he told me how broken it made him feel. I don't want to hurt him, and I would never lie to him or go behind his back and secretly get an abortion, either.I understood and agreed to not get one, because I love him, but now I feel a little manipulated or at least unsure. I don't want kids any time soon, but I'm serious with him so I want him to have a say in family planning. I'm not pregnant right now, but if I become pregnant and it's not the right time for me I feel like I should have enough bodily autonomy to control when I go through that. I also understand that it would be heartbreaking for him, and as I've never gotten an abortion, destroying something that could have been one of our kids is something I would hesitate at, too. It's of course all hypothetical, but we have a great relationship and very open communication so I like that we talk about these hard hitter questions.I'm still mulling this all over in my mind, too.TL;DR boyfriend and I have different opinions on abortion if I get pregnant, which is low possibility but still concerning.
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