I (30f) realized I needed counseling today after my cousin texted me. Has anyone had online counseling and was it successful?

Background: I’ve been waiting for SO to propose. I’m not on the “I have to be married” boat, but I want to be. I love him very much, and he does not want to have children until after we’re married. Lately, even though our timelines originally matched, I’m realizing his moving goal posts are probably signs of a bigger issue, but having (very respectful and civil) conservations lead to absolutely no where. It ends with even more questions in my mind. He always says doesn’t want to be too specific because he wants to surprise me, but dragging me through hell to surprise me doesn’t make sense. Because of this, I figured we’d give it a rest and told him we could talk more about timelines in 3-6 months, and if they weren’t aligning, we’d decide where to go from there.

I’m successful, not co-dependent, can support myself, mostly confident, etc. but I’d be lying if I said the thought of “not being good enough” didn’t creep into my head more than once. And “If you truly were ‘the one’ and irreplaceable, he wouldn’t hesitate”. It’s starting to cause hidden feelings of resentment and I never want it to be that way. I want it to be happy, loving, exciting, etc. it’s anything but. I’m also getting angry that in the name of “surprising me”, he’s doing this to me. That part hurts more than anything. He knows what it’s doing to me. I can’t imagine if (in a traditional proposal) the woman said, “That’s so sweet of you to propose! Let me think about it and get back to you. But don’t bring it up. I want you to be surprised about when I reply!”

Anyway, everyone and their mother feels the need to ask about it. It’s been one after the other lately. His friends, my friends, our friends, family members, co-workers. I can’t escape. We took a really nice drive through the mountains today, and I didn’t think about it once... until the way back down when my cousin texted me, “Just saw your pictures. Thought you’d be engaged by now! There must be something wrong with you ;)” We’ve teased each other since we were kids. He wasn’t straight up being an asshole. But that hit home and really, really hurt. I had to choke back tears the last 30 minutes and I realized it’s time to talk to someone. This isn’t healthy on my part. I’m feeling hurt, defeated, and unworthy, all over get married. I never pictured myself being that person, and it’s definitely changed my perspective on people you want to backhand for not being independent enough or looking too desperate to get married. It’s sort of humbled me.

Anyway, traffic is so terrible after work and I’m not sure there’s be anywhere I could see a therapist that wouldn’t interfere with my job. Video chatting would be so much easier. It’s not something I’m worried about complete privacy with, which would require in-person. I almost want more a life coach - someone who can help me get out this rut and feeling like me again. Has anyone tried this? Did it work? They would have to take insurance. I’m just worried about it being too impersonal.

Tl;dr: need to focus on me again. Cousin reminded me of this. Have you done online counseling? Did it work?

Submitted November 02, 2019 at 11:16PM

Background: I’ve been waiting for SO to propose. I’m not on the “I have to be married” boat, but I want to be. I love him very much, and he does not want to have children until after we’re married. Lately, even though our timelines originally matched, I’m realizing his moving goal posts are probably signs of a bigger issue, but having (very respectful and civil) conservations lead to absolutely no where. It ends with even more questions in my mind. He always says doesn’t want to be too specific because he wants to surprise me, but dragging me through hell to surprise me doesn’t make sense. Because of this, I figured we’d give it a rest and told him we could talk more about timelines in 3-6 months, and if they weren’t aligning, we’d decide where to go from there.I’m successful, not co-dependent, can support myself, mostly confident, etc. but I’d be lying if I said the thought of “not being good enough” didn’t creep into my head more than once. And “If you truly were ‘the one’ and irreplaceable, he wouldn’t hesitate”. It’s starting to cause hidden feelings of resentment and I never want it to be that way. I want it to be happy, loving, exciting, etc. it’s anything but. I’m also getting angry that in the name of “surprising me”, he’s doing this to me. That part hurts more than anything. He knows what it’s doing to me. I can’t imagine if (in a traditional proposal) the woman said, “That’s so sweet of you to propose! Let me think about it and get back to you. But don’t bring it up. I want you to be surprised about when I reply!”Anyway, everyone and their mother feels the need to ask about it. It’s been one after the other lately. His friends, my friends, our friends, family members, co-workers. I can’t escape. We took a really nice drive through the mountains today, and I didn’t think about it once... until the way back down when my cousin texted me, “Just saw your pictures. Thought you’d be engaged by now! There must be something wrong with you ;)” We’ve teased each other since we were kids. He wasn’t straight up being an asshole. But that hit home and really, really hurt. I had to choke back tears the last 30 minutes and I realized it’s time to talk to someone. This isn’t healthy on my part. I’m feeling hurt, defeated, and unworthy, all over get married. I never pictured myself being that person, and it’s definitely changed my perspective on people you want to backhand for not being independent enough or looking too desperate to get married. It’s sort of humbled me.Anyway, traffic is so terrible after work and I’m not sure there’s be anywhere I could see a therapist that wouldn’t interfere with my job. Video chatting would be so much easier. It’s not something I’m worried about complete privacy with, which would require in-person. I almost want more a life coach - someone who can help me get out this rut and feeling like me again. Has anyone tried this? Did it work? They would have to take insurance. I’m just worried about it being too impersonal.Tl;dr: need to focus on me again. Cousin reminded me of this. Have you done online counseling? Did it work?