My(18F) BF(21M) is really apprehensive about me meeting his family?

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for the past 3-4 months or so- we've had no complications and he's an absolutely lovely person, he met my parents briefly around a month ago and it went really well.

I've brought up meeting his parents a couple times and each time he seems really anxious and against it? I know it's not because they're bad people (he's brought up how nice and accepting they are before) so I can't help but think it's because of me?

They don't even know I exist because he hasn't told them he's in a relationship with me yet and it causes a lot of problems. We both still live with our parents and a fair distance away from each other so if I want to spend longer amounts of time with him I have to be snuck into his house under the guise that I'm 'just a friend that's staying over', while at mine he is welcome with open arms. It's gotten to the point where I accidentally bumped into his mum as I was leaving and he made the excuse that I was just picking up my ID that I'd accidentally given to him the night previous. He's making up all of these elaborate excuses when it would be so much easier just to say I'm his girlfriend.

I have a few suspicions as to why he's like this but I don't like to make assumptions-- it's gotten to the point where my close friends are suspicious too.

One of the main reasons I think he doesnt want to tell his parents about me is that his past relationships have been with mostly other men (and mine mostly with other women) and I think his family assumes he's gay? He's done drag before and his family are fully supportive of him which is lovely, but it does solidify the gay stereotypes even though we're both bisexual. I know some people find it hard to grasp the idea of bisexuality and maybe he doesnt want to have them question his sexuality because of it?

The other reason is that his brother (18M) is older than me by a couple months and sometimes he gets caught up over the age difference between us. He turns 22 this year which to me isn't much of a difference but I guess he's not used to dating younger people? When we first started dating he kept on wanting to be reassured that I knew he was 21 and that I was okay with it (obviously I'm okay with it I wouldnt have set my tinder age range to what it was if I wasn't).

When I tried getting my friends advice she said it's really suspicious and started talking about how he might just be gay and having 'fun' in a straight relationship for a while but I seriously doubt that. She told me to just break up with him early before he breaks my heart but I don't have the guts to do it. I genuinely love him and care for him deeply even though we've only been dating for a short while, and I dont want to hurt him in any way possible by making stupid assumptions just because of his previous relationships.

I've tried having serious conversations with him about it, asking why he's apprehensive etc but he's always kinda vague and just says he doesn't know. Any tips on how I could maybe make him more agreeable to me meeting them? I don't want to force it to happen when he's not ready either though.

(TLDR: My boyfriends family don't know I exist even though we've been dating for 4 months and I've secretly stayed at their house countless times. He's met my parents and it went well, but he seems against me meeting his. Might be because they think he's gay, or because I'm a similar age to his younger brother? Who knows. Help pls.)



Submitted September 09, 2019 at 11:58PM

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for the past 3-4 months or so- we've had no complications and he's an absolutely lovely person, he met my parents briefly around a month ago and it went really well.I've brought up meeting his parents a couple times and each time he seems really anxious and against it? I know it's not because they're bad people (he's brought up how nice and accepting they are before) so I can't help but think it's because of me?They don't even know I exist because he hasn't told them he's in a relationship with me yet and it causes a lot of problems. We both still live with our parents and a fair distance away from each other so if I want to spend longer amounts of time with him I have to be snuck into his house under the guise that I'm 'just a friend that's staying over', while at mine he is welcome with open arms. It's gotten to the point where I accidentally bumped into his mum as I was leaving and he made the excuse that I was just picking up my ID that I'd accidentally given to him the night previous. He's making up all of these elaborate excuses when it would be so much easier just to say I'm his girlfriend.I have a few suspicions as to why he's like this but I don't like to make assumptions-- it's gotten to the point where my close friends are suspicious too.One of the main reasons I think he doesnt want to tell his parents about me is that his past relationships have been with mostly other men (and mine mostly with other women) and I think his family assumes he's gay? He's done drag before and his family are fully supportive of him which is lovely, but it does solidify the gay stereotypes even though we're both bisexual. I know some people find it hard to grasp the idea of bisexuality and maybe he doesnt want to have them question his sexuality because of it?The other reason is that his brother (18M) is older than me by a couple months and sometimes he gets caught up over the age difference between us. He turns 22 this year which to me isn't much of a difference but I guess he's not used to dating younger people? When we first started dating he kept on wanting to be reassured that I knew he was 21 and that I was okay with it (obviously I'm okay with it I wouldnt have set my tinder age range to what it was if I wasn't).When I tried getting my friends advice she said it's really suspicious and started talking about how he might just be gay and having 'fun' in a straight relationship for a while but I seriously doubt that. She told me to just break up with him early before he breaks my heart but I don't have the guts to do it. I genuinely love him and care for him deeply even though we've only been dating for a short while, and I dont want to hurt him in any way possible by making stupid assumptions just because of his previous relationships.I've tried having serious conversations with him about it, asking why he's apprehensive etc but he's always kinda vague and just says he doesn't know. Any tips on how I could maybe make him more agreeable to me meeting them? I don't want to force it to happen when he's not ready either though.(TLDR: My boyfriends family don't know I exist even though we've been dating for 4 months and I've secretly stayed at their house countless times. He's met my parents and it went well, but he seems against me meeting his. Might be because they think he's gay, or because I'm a similar age to his younger brother? Who knows. Help pls.)
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