Seeking perspective on my (30m) sex issues

Tldnr; i dont like sex or the idea of casual sex. Can I find love in 2019s hook up culture ? Will I have to start pretending to like sex to find love ?

I've always wanted to save myself for marriage. I dont enjoy sex. I don't enjoy the idea of casual sex. So dating has been challenging. I'm always up front about those facts

My first gf said we would always be together. We slept together. The sex was bad. She left me. I was devastated

I felt foolish and ashamed for giving her my virginity.

My next gf I was (again ) very honest about my ideas of sex. She was (also) very patient. Eventually we were talking about moving in together. We had sex. It was great. She left me

I feel even worse now.

I feel I'm developing trust issues. It seems people cannot comit. They change their minds. Their perspectives.

I was recently seeing a girl and she left me because I didn't want to have sex until we were more committed. She pressured me to have sex and I declined .

Even though I was honest with her from the start she pressured me and then left. No patience ? Or was she lying ? My trust issues intensify

The idea of sleeping with 3 people is sad to me. But at some point I'll have to give dating a try again.

Should I just start having casual sex and give up my ideas about intimacy? Even though I won't enjoy it ?

Is it possible to find someone both honest and patient ?

Any help would be appreciated. Any input. Even if you think I'm totally backwards on the issue. I'm feeling very lost and would appreciate some perspective.



Submitted April 29, 2019 at 06:32AM

Tldnr; i dont like sex or the idea of casual sex. Can I find love in 2019s hook up culture ? Will I have to start pretending to like sex to find love ?I've always wanted to save myself for marriage. I dont enjoy sex. I don't enjoy the idea of casual sex. So dating has been challenging. I'm always up front about those factsMy first gf said we would always be together. We slept together. The sex was bad. She left me. I was devastatedI felt foolish and ashamed for giving her my virginity.My next gf I was (again ) very honest about my ideas of sex. She was (also) very patient. Eventually we were talking about moving in together. We had sex. It was great. She left meI feel even worse now.I feel I'm developing trust issues. It seems people cannot comit. They change their minds. Their perspectives.I was recently seeing a girl and she left me because I didn't want to have sex until we were more committed. She pressured me to have sex and I declined .Even though I was honest with her from the start she pressured me and then left. No patience ? Or was she lying ? My trust issues intensifyThe idea of sleeping with 3 people is sad to me. But at some point I'll have to give dating a try again.Should I just start having casual sex and give up my ideas about intimacy? Even though I won't enjoy it ?Is it possible to find someone both honest and patient ?Any help would be appreciated. Any input. Even if you think I'm totally backwards on the issue. I'm feeling very lost and would appreciate some perspective.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more