I fell in love for real, I think, but I’m embarrassed

I never had a real relationship. I know I’m young and I still have time for that. But that didn’t stop me from having lovers in the past. I know this were only the ‘sordid affairs’ but I always expected smth out of it. And I got hurt a lot of times- and I blame myself for it and nobody else: I simply fall in love too quickly.

So what happened in the past 3 months is the main thing here: There’s been this guy that we have been friends for 3 years already. I liked him from the very start but somehow nothing happened. He is more of a quiet person, maybe that’s why he didn’t approach me. But a few months ago my bestfriend talked with him and he confessed he’s mad about me from the day we met. That’s why she even encouraged him to approach me. And he did. And after I dumbed my “friend with benefits” we finally got on a date. But things have been moving so slow ( I’m really not used to that- I’m more of a humping rabbit on a first date only then comes love if ever🤷‍♀️)

We made out for the first time fee weeks ago, and only it came to this in one month . I just started to get bored. But he’s so cute and he’s treating me like no one ever did. He kisses me on my forehead and holds my hand. I feel like a teenager. And a phrase that’s repeating in my head all the time: “ I just love being with you and nobody else.” What happened last weekend was even stranger for me. I slept over at his place , but we didn’t have sex. When we woke up we kept on cuddling for hours and our legs and arms being wrapped around each other. He was looking at me and told me I’m cute. Oh my heart was screaming when he said that. Maybe it was that moment that I started to be really attracted to him(not that I haven’t been just a little before , but I was more passive until now. ) .

Now we’re both very busy and can’t see each other everyday. I can’t wait to see him again, but I haven’t heard from him for a day. Now I’m at work struggling again with this thought: HAVE I FALLEN AGAIN TOO QUICKLY? Please no. It can’t be. I’m embarrassed to tell anyone about it, it sounds silly to me falling in love because someone said I’m cute or because we’ve been on couple of dates. And I’m also afraid even this wasn’t all real or that I screwed up something again.

And I don’t even know why I’m writing this but it just seemed to be the right thing to do now, since I don’t want to talk about it with anyone.

I guess I’ll just keep on fighting with myself again as always.

Submitted April 23, 2019 at 03:45PM

I never had a real relationship. I know I’m young and I still have time for that. But that didn’t stop me from having lovers in the past. I know this were only the ‘sordid affairs’ but I always expected smth out of it. And I got hurt a lot of times- and I blame myself for it and nobody else: I simply fall in love too quickly.So what happened in the past 3 months is the main thing here: There’s been this guy that we have been friends for 3 years already. I liked him from the very start but somehow nothing happened. He is more of a quiet person, maybe that’s why he didn’t approach me. But a few months ago my bestfriend talked with him and he confessed he’s mad about me from the day we met. That’s why she even encouraged him to approach me. And he did. And after I dumbed my “friend with benefits” we finally got on a date. But things have been moving so slow ( I’m really not used to that- I’m more of a humping rabbit on a first date only then comes love if ever🤷‍♀️)We made out for the first time fee weeks ago, and only it came to this in one month . I just started to get bored. But he’s so cute and he’s treating me like no one ever did. He kisses me on my forehead and holds my hand. I feel like a teenager. And a phrase that’s repeating in my head all the time: “ I just love being with you and nobody else.” What happened last weekend was even stranger for me. I slept over at his place , but we didn’t have sex. When we woke up we kept on cuddling for hours and our legs and arms being wrapped around each other. He was looking at me and told me I’m cute. Oh my heart was screaming when he said that. Maybe it was that moment that I started to be really attracted to him(not that I haven’t been just a little before , but I was more passive until now. ) .Now we’re both very busy and can’t see each other everyday. I can’t wait to see him again, but I haven’t heard from him for a day. Now I’m at work struggling again with this thought: HAVE I FALLEN AGAIN TOO QUICKLY? Please no. It can’t be. I’m embarrassed to tell anyone about it, it sounds silly to me falling in love because someone said I’m cute or because we’ve been on couple of dates. And I’m also afraid even this wasn’t all real or that I screwed up something again.And I don’t even know why I’m writing this but it just seemed to be the right thing to do now, since I don’t want to talk about it with anyone.I guess I’ll just keep on fighting with myself again as always.