I fell in love for real, I think, but I’m embarrassed

I never had a real relationship. I know I’m young and I still have time for that. But that didn’t stop me from having lovers in the past. I know this were only the ‘sordid affairs’ but I always expected smth out of it. And I got hurt a lot of times- and I blame myself for it and nobody else: I simply fall in love too quickly.

So what happened in the past 3 months is the main thing here: There’s been this guy that we have been friends for 3 years already. I liked him from the very start but somehow nothing happened. He is more of a quiet person, maybe that’s why he didn’t approach me. But a few months ago my bestfriend talked with him and he confessed he’s mad about me from the day we met. That’s why she even encouraged him to approach me. And he did. And after I dumbed my “friend with benefits” we finally got on a date. But things have been moving so slow ( I’m really not used to that- I’m more of a humping rabbit on a first date only then comes love if ever🤷‍♀️)

We made out for the first time fee weeks ago, and only it came to this in one month . I just started to get bored. But he’s so cute and he’s treating me like no one ever did. He kisses me on my forehead and holds my hand. I feel like a teenager. And a phrase that’s repeating in my head all the time: “ I just love being with you and nobody else.” What happened last weekend was even stranger for me. I slept over at his place , but we didn’t have sex. When we woke up we kept on cuddling for hours and our legs and arms being wrapped around each other. He was looking at me and told me I’m cute. Oh my heart was screaming when he said that. Maybe it was that moment that I started to be really attracted to him(not that I haven’t been just a little before , but I was more passive until now. ) .

Now we’re both very busy and can’t see each other everyday. I can’t wait to see him again, but I haven’t heard from him for a day. Now I’m at work struggling again with this thought: HAVE I FALLEN AGAIN TOO QUICKLY? Please no. It can’t be. I’m embarrassed to tell anyone about it, it sounds silly to me falling in love because someone said I’m cute or because we’ve been on couple of dates. And I’m also afraid even this wasn’t all real or that I screwed up something again.

And I don’t even know why I’m writing this but it just seemed to be the right thing to do now, since I don’t want to talk about it with anyone.

I guess I’ll just keep on fighting with myself again as always.



Submitted April 23, 2019 at 03:45PM

I never had a real relationship. I know I’m young and I still have time for that. But that didn’t stop me from having lovers in the past. I know this were only the ‘sordid affairs’ but I always expected smth out of it. And I got hurt a lot of times- and I blame myself for it and nobody else: I simply fall in love too quickly.So what happened in the past 3 months is the main thing here: There’s been this guy that we have been friends for 3 years already. I liked him from the very start but somehow nothing happened. He is more of a quiet person, maybe that’s why he didn’t approach me. But a few months ago my bestfriend talked with him and he confessed he’s mad about me from the day we met. That’s why she even encouraged him to approach me. And he did. And after I dumbed my “friend with benefits” we finally got on a date. But things have been moving so slow ( I’m really not used to that- I’m more of a humping rabbit on a first date only then comes love if ever🤷‍♀️)We made out for the first time fee weeks ago, and only it came to this in one month . I just started to get bored. But he’s so cute and he’s treating me like no one ever did. He kisses me on my forehead and holds my hand. I feel like a teenager. And a phrase that’s repeating in my head all the time: “ I just love being with you and nobody else.” What happened last weekend was even stranger for me. I slept over at his place , but we didn’t have sex. When we woke up we kept on cuddling for hours and our legs and arms being wrapped around each other. He was looking at me and told me I’m cute. Oh my heart was screaming when he said that. Maybe it was that moment that I started to be really attracted to him(not that I haven’t been just a little before , but I was more passive until now. ) .Now we’re both very busy and can’t see each other everyday. I can’t wait to see him again, but I haven’t heard from him for a day. Now I’m at work struggling again with this thought: HAVE I FALLEN AGAIN TOO QUICKLY? Please no. It can’t be. I’m embarrassed to tell anyone about it, it sounds silly to me falling in love because someone said I’m cute or because we’ve been on couple of dates. And I’m also afraid even this wasn’t all real or that I screwed up something again.And I don’t even know why I’m writing this but it just seemed to be the right thing to do now, since I don’t want to talk about it with anyone.I guess I’ll just keep on fighting with myself again as always.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more