30 year old virgin. How do I find out what the problem is? (30/M)

In most late age virgin posts on reddit, they seem to have a sense of what their problem is, like being too socially awkward or very depressed, but for me I really don't know what the problem is. I'm 6'1, white, in shape, have a career, and live in California. With the exception of a tipsy one that just randomly kissed me one night, not one single woman has ever shown interest in me beyond friendship.

I've gotten a fairly good number of dates from dating apps but they were almost all first dates. If I followed up after the date she would always text that there wasn't any "chemistry" or "connection" and it would end there. A couple times in desperation I replied back to the women asking for an honest critique, but they ignored the texts. Offline approaches didn't work either, and I suspect that could be a clue. When women actually interact with me in person they have no interest in me. It's always "sorry, I have a boyfriend" if I ask them out or they will ignore the text if I got their number. You can plainly see from nonverbal interaction that women just don't show any interest in me besides friendship. I have asked out probably hundreds of women in my life and not succeeded anything with any one.

I have no clue what the problem is, whether it is my appearance or personality or both. One of the few objective assessments I've gotten about myself is from two of my supervisors performance reports who described me as "very personable" and having a "warm personality," so I'd be surprised if personality was the problem. If the personality is not the culprit, then that just leaves my looks. Is it possible that I'm just hideous enough where not a single woman on earth wants me?

Anyhoo, I'm really tired of having not a single clue of what is causing me to have absolutely zero success with women, because I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to change but I don't know what needs to be changed to make me stop being universally undesirable.

Submitted April 24, 2019 at 05:49AM

In most late age virgin posts on reddit, they seem to have a sense of what their problem is, like being too socially awkward or very depressed, but for me I really don't know what the problem is. I'm 6'1, white, in shape, have a career, and live in California. With the exception of a tipsy one that just randomly kissed me one night, not one single woman has ever shown interest in me beyond friendship.I've gotten a fairly good number of dates from dating apps but they were almost all first dates. If I followed up after the date she would always text that there wasn't any "chemistry" or "connection" and it would end there. A couple times in desperation I replied back to the women asking for an honest critique, but they ignored the texts. Offline approaches didn't work either, and I suspect that could be a clue. When women actually interact with me in person they have no interest in me. It's always "sorry, I have a boyfriend" if I ask them out or they will ignore the text if I got their number. You can plainly see from nonverbal interaction that women just don't show any interest in me besides friendship. I have asked out probably hundreds of women in my life and not succeeded anything with any one.I have no clue what the problem is, whether it is my appearance or personality or both. One of the few objective assessments I've gotten about myself is from two of my supervisors performance reports who described me as "very personable" and having a "warm personality," so I'd be surprised if personality was the problem. If the personality is not the culprit, then that just leaves my looks. Is it possible that I'm just hideous enough where not a single woman on earth wants me?Anyhoo, I'm really tired of having not a single clue of what is causing me to have absolutely zero success with women, because I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to change but I don't know what needs to be changed to make me stop being universally undesirable.