What does it all mean? I’m going insane (27F / 30M)

I was seeing this guy for about 6 weeks.

He asked me out to dinner after casually chatting for a few weeks. After that first dinner we started to see each other 2x a week for the next 6 weeks. These meetups mostly included going out to dinner & sometimes ordering in while watching a movie. He was always a gentleman, thoughtful, kind, did nice little sweet things for me (picking up my favorite candy to surprise me with, ordering me my fav. desert, keeping the car warm for me before picking me up) & treated me kindly. We did not get physically intimate until a month in although most of our dates ended up with me sleeping over at his place & him driving me home at 4am so I can make it to work the next day.

After a few weeks, I noticed he’s not the biggest texter ( isn’t this always the issue) We would text in between our dates but probably not as often as I had wanted. I had a chat with him about it & he assured me he just isn’t the biggest texter & that “ you know, you can always text me too”. I got the feel from the conversation that he genuinely didn’t think it was an issue. I felt calmed so I let it be. About 2-3 weeks in, he had mentioned he wasn’t seeing anyone else & I wasn’t either so we were exclusive.

After about 3 weeks in, my anxiety started to rise ( I struggle with anxiety-specificity in dating, some low self esteem & massive insecurity) One evening, while we were texting, he mentioned he wasn’t feeling well. I immediately came to the conclusion that he was trying to get out of a date we had planned the next day. I was so anxious I asked him if I can call him at the end of my shift (so I could get to the bottom of if he was faking “feeling sick” to get out of the date or not) He mentioned that’s not what was happening & this ended up being a 4 hour long conversation about how I was feeling, my doubts & worries, and about what was happening between us. He spent the 4 hours listening to me and even at one point asking me “ if I saw this working out” or “ did you ever think this could work” This statement assured me & after all was said, I got off the phone feeling reassured & “ safer”. We had our date the next day.

The next day, we were laying in bed and talking and we ended up talking about my past relationships. He mentioned some about his ( the last girl he had dated broke it off via text & started to see someone else, the girl before that he was serious about & she ended things with him after they were on & off for what I’m guessing was a year, or close to it) He mentioned he hasn’t had a long term relationship and that he doesn’t know if he’s a “5 year relationship type of guy” I thought this was a red flag so I asked him to elaborate which he said “ it just hasn’t happened for me” I asked him if this meant he thought of us as short-term or casual which he said no to both. A little into the conversation he asked me where I was at and that he didn’t know if he was “ emotionally there” I asked him if he was trying to say that I’m more into him than he is me and he said he just wanted to know where I was. I told him I was getting attached. A little further into the talk I asked if he would call me his girlfriend. He said yes & asked me if I would call him my boyfriend, to which I said yes & there we had the DTR talk.

After the talk, I felt more secure with the label but him mentioning not “ being a 5 year relationship type of guy” and “ not emotionally there” made me confused. Why would he agree to be exclusive/ bf/gf if he wasn’t emotionally there? Was he settling out of being bored & lonely? Did he not want to hurt my feelings? Or is it too soon to have deeper feelings 4 weeks in? All these doubts caused major conflict & problems. We had more lengthy conversations in which he would reassure me, but he was growing increasingly frustrated with my doubts /issues. On one of our many talks, he told me to “ do my part in making this work” and that he treats me well & is feeling like he’s failing.

He broke up with me a few days later after I mistakenly accused him of cheating / talking to an ex while we were out at a nice dinner. He told me he was exhausted & couldn’t take it anymore.

I’m confused. Did I have a reason to be confused?

TLDR: Guy I was seeing (6 weeks) told me he wasn’t emotionally there, but wanted to keep seeing me. Made things official but felt he was hesitant. Communicated a lot about us & reassured me he wanted to “make it work” Was it all my anxiety or was there really a cause for concern?

Submitted April 25, 2020 at 11:34PM

I was seeing this guy for about 6 weeks.He asked me out to dinner after casually chatting for a few weeks. After that first dinner we started to see each other 2x a week for the next 6 weeks. These meetups mostly included going out to dinner & sometimes ordering in while watching a movie. He was always a gentleman, thoughtful, kind, did nice little sweet things for me (picking up my favorite candy to surprise me with, ordering me my fav. desert, keeping the car warm for me before picking me up) & treated me kindly. We did not get physically intimate until a month in although most of our dates ended up with me sleeping over at his place & him driving me home at 4am so I can make it to work the next day.After a few weeks, I noticed he’s not the biggest texter ( isn’t this always the issue) We would text in between our dates but probably not as often as I had wanted. I had a chat with him about it & he assured me he just isn’t the biggest texter & that “ you know, you can always text me too”. I got the feel from the conversation that he genuinely didn’t think it was an issue. I felt calmed so I let it be. About 2-3 weeks in, he had mentioned he wasn’t seeing anyone else & I wasn’t either so we were exclusive.After about 3 weeks in, my anxiety started to rise ( I struggle with anxiety-specificity in dating, some low self esteem & massive insecurity) One evening, while we were texting, he mentioned he wasn’t feeling well. I immediately came to the conclusion that he was trying to get out of a date we had planned the next day. I was so anxious I asked him if I can call him at the end of my shift (so I could get to the bottom of if he was faking “feeling sick” to get out of the date or not) He mentioned that’s not what was happening & this ended up being a 4 hour long conversation about how I was feeling, my doubts & worries, and about what was happening between us. He spent the 4 hours listening to me and even at one point asking me “ if I saw this working out” or “ did you ever think this could work” This statement assured me & after all was said, I got off the phone feeling reassured & “ safer”. We had our date the next day.The next day, we were laying in bed and talking and we ended up talking about my past relationships. He mentioned some about his ( the last girl he had dated broke it off via text & started to see someone else, the girl before that he was serious about & she ended things with him after they were on & off for what I’m guessing was a year, or close to it) He mentioned he hasn’t had a long term relationship and that he doesn’t know if he’s a “5 year relationship type of guy” I thought this was a red flag so I asked him to elaborate which he said “ it just hasn’t happened for me” I asked him if this meant he thought of us as short-term or casual which he said no to both. A little into the conversation he asked me where I was at and that he didn’t know if he was “ emotionally there” I asked him if he was trying to say that I’m more into him than he is me and he said he just wanted to know where I was. I told him I was getting attached. A little further into the talk I asked if he would call me his girlfriend. He said yes & asked me if I would call him my boyfriend, to which I said yes & there we had the DTR talk.After the talk, I felt more secure with the label but him mentioning not “ being a 5 year relationship type of guy” and “ not emotionally there” made me confused. Why would he agree to be exclusive/ bf/gf if he wasn’t emotionally there? Was he settling out of being bored & lonely? Did he not want to hurt my feelings? Or is it too soon to have deeper feelings 4 weeks in? All these doubts caused major conflict & problems. We had more lengthy conversations in which he would reassure me, but he was growing increasingly frustrated with my doubts /issues. On one of our many talks, he told me to “ do my part in making this work” and that he treats me well & is feeling like he’s failing.He broke up with me a few days later after I mistakenly accused him of cheating / talking to an ex while we were out at a nice dinner. He told me he was exhausted & couldn’t take it anymore.I’m confused. Did I have a reason to be confused?TLDR: Guy I was seeing (6 weeks) told me he wasn’t emotionally there, but wanted to keep seeing me. Made things official but felt he was hesitant. Communicated a lot about us & reassured me he wanted to “make it work” Was it all my anxiety or was there really a cause for concern?