parents are super controlling

tl;dr - my parents are super controlling over my life including the most ridiculous things and things like academics and my social life. how do i get them off my back without offending them but also getting them to really listen to what i have to say?

my parents are honestly my biggest supporters and help me sm. but they can also be soooo controlling. since we’ve been in quarantine i’ve been staying up later (talking to friends, on my phone, etc.) and my sleep schedule has changed. td my parents decided to hold a meeting to address this and basically said that it’s not ok to stay up so late and that they’ll be taking my phone away at 11 each night from now on. they’re always on me ab how i never do anything and ig i could be more active (i do exercise and get up but some days i j feel like doing nothing plus we’re in quarantine anyways). they make me feel like crap even tho i’m pretty sure lots of other normal teens are doing this as well. i’m a junior in hs...then they went on and said how me and my sisters room is disgusting (it really isn’t we have some clutter on our night stands but it honestly isn’t messy) and the next two hours they spent moving my things around. for example, they didn’t like the lotions i had on my drawer and demanded that they be moved out of sight. they also insisted on me getting rid of sweatshirts bc i have too many (even tho i wear all of them). next they started living around my tote bags (like the ones you get from lulu) and we’re even considering throwing them out even tho the whole point is to reuse them. my mom also brought out different comforters for our beds and i actually loved the one i had on and it wasn’t even dirty or anything but she and my dad forced me (literally physically removed me form the bed to take off the sheet and put the other one on). anyways they basically didn’t like how me and my sister had our room set up with our belongings and all and loved it how they liked it not caring if i didn’t like how it was moved. it was basically their way or the highway. i didn’t get a say in any of it. and then i had a breakdown saying they’re too controlling, crazy, and overbearing. my parents didn’t even flinch or have a reaction and said they’re not crazy they’re just trying to teach me to have class. anyways i was crying the rest of the day. ik it seems dramatic but hear me out.

it basically made me realize that all of high school (even middle school honestly) life my parents have controlled me and my decisions. i’m ngl i’m naturally really smart and excel in all of my classes. i like getting good grades but it’s extremely stressful for me as i’m also on an intense varsity team for the fall and winter seasons. so anyways my parents have basically forced me to take as many ap classes as i could since like 10th grade. i took three last year, five this year, and am scheduled to take five again next year (two of which are ap chem and ap physics which are literally known for being really hard ap classes). back when i had to submit the form to request these classes we had soooo many fights ab which classes i would be taking. i originally said i would take ap environmental but then switched to ap as a kind of compromise with them. but then my dad added on ap physics as well bc he knows a lot of the top schools want to see all these ap classes. like i know he wants the best for me but i feel like they don’t realize how difficult it is to take this many ap classes especially with three of them being chem, physics, and calc bc. also i tried to take calc ab but my dad wouldn’t let me. i wanted to take less ap classes (4) next year to lighten my load and have a more fun senior year so i wouldn’t be too stressed and busy but it really anxious ab it now. my dad emailed the guidance counselors and pulled strings to make my schedule work so i feel like even if he let me, i can’t back out now. i cant wait to go to college and get away from them. i love them but it’s too much. i would love to get into an ivy league like they want me to but honestly i’d be happy going to a state school as well. i don’t even know if this is what i want. whenever i tell this to my parents tho they mock me and act like i’m lazy and just don’t wanna work hard anymore. they don’t approve of partying really and i feel like i’m missing the high school experience.

my brothers graduating from college this spring and is planning on moving into an apartment with his friends to start a job in august/september. this is another issue ig. my mom won’t let me move into his room after he moves out. my sister and i have shared a room but this past year we’ve both felt squished and felt like we don’t have privacy. my mom is so sensitive ab this and always says stop talking ab moving into his room. but i don’t understand why i cant get his room if he’s moving out. it’s just so frustrating with them all the time i try to talk to them and tell them how i feel and they always say things like it’s my house and invalidate my feelings. both of my parent shared rooms growing up but why does that mean i can’t have my own room if we have an empty one anyways. we also have another guest room downstairs so my brothers room wouldn’t even be for guests anyways. ugh i just feel like they put sm pressure on me to succeed, yell at me at home all the time, and never listen to how i feel. my mom also ended up screaming at me at dinner saying i made her clean my entire room. but i never wanted her “help” in the first place and i don’t think it’s fair to place the blame on me like that. someone help. do i need to change something that i’m doing or is it my parents? i need someone else’s perspective on this.

Submitted April 26, 2020 at 12:14AM

tl;dr - my parents are super controlling over my life including the most ridiculous things and things like academics and my social life. how do i get them off my back without offending them but also getting them to really listen to what i have to say?my parents are honestly my biggest supporters and help me sm. but they can also be soooo controlling. since we’ve been in quarantine i’ve been staying up later (talking to friends, on my phone, etc.) and my sleep schedule has changed. td my parents decided to hold a meeting to address this and basically said that it’s not ok to stay up so late and that they’ll be taking my phone away at 11 each night from now on. they’re always on me ab how i never do anything and ig i could be more active (i do exercise and get up but some days i j feel like doing nothing plus we’re in quarantine anyways). they make me feel like crap even tho i’m pretty sure lots of other normal teens are doing this as well. i’m a junior in hs...then they went on and said how me and my sisters room is disgusting (it really isn’t we have some clutter on our night stands but it honestly isn’t messy) and the next two hours they spent moving my things around. for example, they didn’t like the lotions i had on my drawer and demanded that they be moved out of sight. they also insisted on me getting rid of sweatshirts bc i have too many (even tho i wear all of them). next they started living around my tote bags (like the ones you get from lulu) and we’re even considering throwing them out even tho the whole point is to reuse them. my mom also brought out different comforters for our beds and i actually loved the one i had on and it wasn’t even dirty or anything but she and my dad forced me (literally physically removed me form the bed to take off the sheet and put the other one on). anyways they basically didn’t like how me and my sister had our room set up with our belongings and all and loved it how they liked it not caring if i didn’t like how it was moved. it was basically their way or the highway. i didn’t get a say in any of it. and then i had a breakdown saying they’re too controlling, crazy, and overbearing. my parents didn’t even flinch or have a reaction and said they’re not crazy they’re just trying to teach me to have class. anyways i was crying the rest of the day. ik it seems dramatic but hear me out.it basically made me realize that all of high school (even middle school honestly) life my parents have controlled me and my decisions. i’m ngl i’m naturally really smart and excel in all of my classes. i like getting good grades but it’s extremely stressful for me as i’m also on an intense varsity team for the fall and winter seasons. so anyways my parents have basically forced me to take as many ap classes as i could since like 10th grade. i took three last year, five this year, and am scheduled to take five again next year (two of which are ap chem and ap physics which are literally known for being really hard ap classes). back when i had to submit the form to request these classes we had soooo many fights ab which classes i would be taking. i originally said i would take ap environmental but then switched to ap as a kind of compromise with them. but then my dad added on ap physics as well bc he knows a lot of the top schools want to see all these ap classes. like i know he wants the best for me but i feel like they don’t realize how difficult it is to take this many ap classes especially with three of them being chem, physics, and calc bc. also i tried to take calc ab but my dad wouldn’t let me. i wanted to take less ap classes (4) next year to lighten my load and have a more fun senior year so i wouldn’t be too stressed and busy but it really anxious ab it now. my dad emailed the guidance counselors and pulled strings to make my schedule work so i feel like even if he let me, i can’t back out now. i cant wait to go to college and get away from them. i love them but it’s too much. i would love to get into an ivy league like they want me to but honestly i’d be happy going to a state school as well. i don’t even know if this is what i want. whenever i tell this to my parents tho they mock me and act like i’m lazy and just don’t wanna work hard anymore. they don’t approve of partying really and i feel like i’m missing the high school experience.my brothers graduating from college this spring and is planning on moving into an apartment with his friends to start a job in august/september. this is another issue ig. my mom won’t let me move into his room after he moves out. my sister and i have shared a room but this past year we’ve both felt squished and felt like we don’t have privacy. my mom is so sensitive ab this and always says stop talking ab moving into his room. but i don’t understand why i cant get his room if he’s moving out. it’s just so frustrating with them all the time i try to talk to them and tell them how i feel and they always say things like it’s my house and invalidate my feelings. both of my parent shared rooms growing up but why does that mean i can’t have my own room if we have an empty one anyways. we also have another guest room downstairs so my brothers room wouldn’t even be for guests anyways. ugh i just feel like they put sm pressure on me to succeed, yell at me at home all the time, and never listen to how i feel. my mom also ended up screaming at me at dinner saying i made her clean my entire room. but i never wanted her “help” in the first place and i don’t think it’s fair to place the blame on me like that. someone help. do i need to change something that i’m doing or is it my parents? i need someone else’s perspective on this.